


awash with color

by ga_bi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, BAMF Lily Evans Potter, BAMF Marlene McKinnon, BAMF Minerva McGonagall, BAMF Women, Bisexual James Potter, Bisexual Marlene McKinnon, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Black Family Drama (Harry Potter), Blood, Canon Compliant, Child Abuse, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Cuddling & Snuggling, Death Eaters, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Family Feels, First War with Voldemort, Fluff, Found Family, Gay Regulus Black, Gay Sirius Black, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Good Slytherins, Growing Up, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, James Potter is a Good Friend, M/M, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marlene McKinnon & James Potter Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Muggle-born Culture, Multi, NOT a love triangle, Orion Black's A+ Parenting, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, POV Multiple, Pining, Platonic Soulmates, Polyamory, Protective Siblings, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Quidditch, Regulus Black Deserves Better, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Requited Love, Rivalry, Romantic Soulmates, Scars, Self-Harm, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Sirius Black & Marlene McKinnon Friendship, Sirius Black Deserves Better, Slow Burn, Some of them, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Torture, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:35:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 29
Words: 65,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28265505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ga_bi/pseuds/ga_bi
Summary: Any form of ink that appears on someone's body appears on their soulmate's as well.For the Black brothers, this can only mean trouble.This fic follows the Marauders & co. throughout their Hogwarts years and beyond, buckle in for the long haul!! It also focuses a lot on the Black family and the McKinnon family. Mainly Jegulus, Jily, Wolfstar, and Dorlene, but plenty of other lovely (& gay) ships throughout ;)
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, Andromeda Black Tonks/Ted Tonks, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Regulus Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 231
Kudos: 417
Collections: Oh My God They Were Soulmates





	1. the difference in parenting

**Author's Note:**

> hi! so, i guess i'm on some sort of jegulus spree... hasn't even been 10 hours and i'm back with another jegulus fic, lmao. 
> 
> this fic is pretty dark, there is a lot of child abuse because of the Black family, so please be mindful and take care of yourselves. <3

Regulus was four years old when he got his first soul mark. 

Of course, he didn’t know what it was at the time. He had been seated at the dining table with his parents and brother, his spoon full of soup halfway to his mouth, when his hands steadily became awash with colors. Red, blue, green, yellow, black-- and he watched, soup forgotten, as the colors swirled and mixed together in front of his eyes to become a muddy brown. 

The sharp intake of breath from his mother and the screeching of the chair against stone shook him out of his wonder. He glanced up, and his mother roughly dragged him out of his chair, knocking it to the ground. Regulus began to cry-- he had done nothing wrong, right? But his mother only gripped him tighter around the wrist. She brought him to the bathroom, where she made him kneel in the tub, his shorts and socks and shoes soaked with scalding water as he sobbed. His mother was scrubbing his hands with her sharp nails and soap and the burning water, and then she spared a glance at his face and became even more furious, scrubbing it as well. He was not sure for how long she tried to clean him before she gave up and slammed the door behind him. Regulus lay, shaking, in the few inches of water, tears freely flowing down his face, bloody and burned hands and face still tainted with the muddy-brown color that his mother had tried so furiously to get rid of. 

He could still hear her shouting from the upstairs bathroom. 

The door creaked, and his older brother Sirius emerged, his face paler than it usually was. He closed the door behind him with a soft click. “Regulus?” He said softly, kneeling down next to the tub. He gently stroked the blood off of Regulus’ cheek, but he could not get rid of the redness that was caused by the burn. He stood up, took a towel, and stepped up to the stepping stool that was in front of the sink. Sirius ran the towel under cold water and went back to his little brother, gently taking his hands in his own. He dabbed at the blood with the towel, and then wiped Regulus’ face with it, pleased to see his little brother’s tears had stopped. “C’mon, let’s go change,” he said with a smile, helping Regulus out of the tub.

Regulus let his brother help him, climbing out of the tub with shaky hands and dripping wet clothes. _Mother had never hurt him like that before. Why had Mother done that? Why was she so mad? What did he do that was so wrong?_ Regulus took off his socks and shoes and shorts and placed them in a pile by the door, following his older brother in his dress shirt and underwear. Regulus clutched his brother’s hand tightly, even though it hurt a bit to do so.

Once they got to his room, Sirius helped him pick out another pair of shorts and socks and shoes, and turned around to give him privacy. 

A few minutes later, Regulus watched in fascination as the colors disappeared steadily from his skin. The only indication that anything had happened was the harsh red burns and scratches on his face and hands, and the deep purple bruise on his wrist where his mother had held him.

Sirius and Regulus never talked about that fateful lunch again. 

* * *

Euphemia Potter had been enjoying a simple moment reading by the fire, and had left her five-year old son to his own devices. This proved to have been a mistake, because it had not been nearly three minutes before a loud crash and raucous giggles could be heard from the next room over. She hurriedly abandoned her book and dashed to the room, fearful for her son.

“James? Are you alright, my love?” she yelled, entering the room frantically. James was sitting cross-legged on the floor, cans of paint (how did he even get those?) surrounding him. 

“Mum!” he yelled with happiness, throwing his hands, which were covered in paint, in the air. He barreled towards his mum, who sighed in relief and didn’t mind it when James hugged her and covered her jeans in various shades of red, blue, green, yellow, and black. She lifted him into the air and kissed him on both cheeks with a loving smile. 

“Having fun?” she teased him, setting him down on the floor after ruffling his messy black hair. He beamed up at her with a grin and nodded enthusiastically. 

“Mum, I’m trying to make a new color, see?” he said, looking at the colors on his hands with determination and swirling his fingers around. He looked a bit disheartened when the colors transformed into a muddy brown. “It’s not pretty,” he complained, dejected. 

Euphemia smiled, her heart full with love for her son-- her lucky darling, as she called him-- and she knelt down next to him. “My darling, it _is_ beautiful! It’s the color of trees, your father’s eyes, steak, your broomstick--”

At the mention of Quidditch, James lit up, and he decided right then and there that the color was beautiful. He grinned and painted a streak of it on his cheek. His mother laughed along with him, but her laughter died out when she began to see streaks of red blooming on James’ cheek and hands. 

It looked like… blood. But James wasn’t bleeding.

With a sinking heart, she realized that James had a soulmate, and his soulmate was bleeding as a result of whatever paint James had smeared on himself. Someone had hurt his soulmate, on purpose.

“Jamie, my love? This is important, okay? Please listen and come with me.” At his mother’s concerned tone, James nodded, sticking his hand out for her to hold. Her heart felt like it was breaking, but she tugged him over to the upstairs bathroom, talking as they walked. 

“You remember what I told you about soulmates, right? How your father and I are soulmates, and how one day you would find a soulmate of your own?” 

James nodded, excited. “Yes, Mum! It’s exciting! Someone who loves me and who I love and who is my best friend, who can play Quidditch with me all day long!”

Euphemia chuckled at that, and wrapped her son in a hug. “Yes, dear. I believe you’ve had your first soul mark,” she said, gesturing to his hand. James peered at the red streaks in excitement, then confusion, then sadness.

“But Mum,” he said with a whine, “why does it look like blood?” He looked like he was about to cry. “Did they get hurt?” 

Euphemia nodded, tears pricking at her eyes. “Yes, my love. They did. I think someone hurt them, because of the beautiful colors you left on their hands. So if it’s alright with you, can I wash it off? So they won’t be hurting anymore,” she explained gently.

James nodded immediately, and her heart soared with immense pride and love for her young son. She had him sit on the toilet, and she gently wiped away the brown streak from his face with a warm towel, kissing his cheek and ruffling his hair after that. He laughed. She noticed that the blood on his face was gone. Someone had taken care of them, then. She was slightly reassured. She then had him wash his hands, and they both cried at the sight of the blood that still stained them. Before their eyes, the blood disappeared, and they looked at it with wonder. 

Euphemia and James spent the rest of the day playing board games together with Fleamont, and whenever the blood reappeared on his hands and cheek, his parents gave him a kiss and a hug.

James’ parents explained that it would be better to not make any sort of color appear on his body, because they didn’t want his soulmate to get hurt again. James agreed, and vowed not to do so unless his soulmate wrote to him first. 

* * *

It was a bit of a lonely childhood, without having anyone to understand him the way his neighbor and best friend Marlene always gushed about the person who she talked to on her arm every night, but James was filled with love from his parents and neighbors and he made the most out of his days by practicing Quidditch and spending time with the people he loved. His nights, though, were filled with dreams of his soulmate, whoever they may be, and in his dreams, James wiped away the blood from his soulmate’s hands and they hugged and painted and played Quidditch every day.


	2. teaching moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus and Sirius learn about soulmates from their favorite cousin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!! thanks for sticking with this fic :)
> 
> first of all, please pay attention to the tags (there is some child abuse in this chapter, so please be mindful) and close the tab if you need to. <3
> 
> secondly, some of you may be wondering why sirius and regulus refer to their soulmates as "she." this is because of the heteronormative and homophobic views they have been brought up with. (spoiler alert: they're both gay!) this is in contrast with the potters' upbringing of james, where they refer to his soulmate with they/them pronouns.
> 
> thirdly, all of regulus' writing is underlined, while james' is without underlines.

James Fleamont Potter was eight years old when his soulmate wrote to him for the first time. 

It wasn’t the first time James had gotten marks from his soulmate-- there was, of course, the occasional ink stain on his fingertips that proved his soulmate was still alive. 

At first, he didn’t believe that something like this could happen-- wouldn’t his soulmate get hurt like last time? But as he stared at the slightly shaky, looping calligraphy, he screamed and ran straight to his parents. 

“Mum! Dad! Look, look, my soulmate wrote to me!” he yelled, emerging in the kitchen with only his briefs and a Falmouth Falcons Quidditch jersey on. He had been getting dressed for bed when he had spotted the ‘ _hello._ ’ on his upper thigh, and now he showed it off proudly to his parents, who were beaming. 

“Son, that’s wonderful!” Fleamont said, wrapping him in a hug. “Maybe say a small ‘hello’ in the same place, too.” Euphemia nodded, kissing her son on the forehead.

None of them had forgotten about the first time an accidental mark had appeared, and none of them had forgotten the many moments when James would come to them, in the middle of the night or early mornings or in the process of eating his lunch, crying, because he had spotted blood on his face or his arms or his legs or his back again in the mirror or in the sunlight and it wasn’t his, it was his soulmate’s. The three of them would sit together in silence by the fire, waiting and clutching hands until the blood went away. 

“I don’t want to get them hurt, though,” James said, frowning. He was gazing at the little ‘ _hello._ ’ with reverence, afraid to blink, because what if he had imagined it after all? 

Unbeknownst to their son, Euphemia and Fleamont shared a look of pride and love over his head. “You’re a noble boy, James,” Fleamont said with a smile.

“I’m not a boy, I’m a _man_!” he said in indignation, puffing up his chest and placing his hands on his hips, and his parents laughed at his antics before returning to the issue at hand.

“James, my love, maybe your soulmate wrote the note there because it was a safe place for them to write,” Euphemia explained, attempting to smooth James’ untameable hair with a soft smile. 

James nodded eagerly. His mother’s deduction made sense. So after three whole years of making sure no ink touched his skin, James grabbed a quill from his father’s desk drawer with shaking hands and dipped it into ink. His parents were right there with him in the room, but they had left him alone on the side of the desk, so that he had some semblance of privacy. 

‘ _hi :)_ ’

* * *

Regulus loved it when he and his family visited cousin Andromeda. She had just finished her third year at Hogwarts, and the Blacks were celebrating her fourteenth birthday that summer. Of course, a Black birthday was never a Black birthday without a fancy ball, but his Aunt Druella and Uncle Cygnus had insisted on inviting Regulus’ mother and father along with Sirius and himself to a pre-birthday dinner a week before Andromeda’s ball. 

A typical family dinner ensued, where his cousin Bellatrix had been asked relentless questions about her relationship with Roldolphus Lestrange, his Aunt and Uncle had proposed an arranged marriage for Andromeda, who was “far too much trouble these days,” his cousin Narcissa spoke with clear distaste of the various “mudbloods” tainting the halls of Hogwarts, and Sirius had misbehaved as usual (he had asked what was the issue with muggle-born students learning magic), and Bellatrix had been allowed to practice her sixth-year hexes on him. Regulus had sat quietly throughout this entire ordeal, and hadn’t snapped at disgusting comments the way Andromeda and Sirius had. 

But the best part came after dinner, after Walburga, Orion, Cygnus, and Druella had slammed the doors to Cygnus’ study closed and Walburga had threatened Sirius with a sharp slap to the wrist to “not disturb us in ANY circumstance whatsoever, or you’ll regret it.” Bellatrix had sauntered off to torment the house elves, and Andromeda had led Narcissa, Sirius, and Regulus to her bedroom on the fourth floor. 

Andromeda shut the door quietly before casting a quick muffling charm around the room. Narcissa was perched daintily on a chaise, her face pinched, as if she at twelve years old was better than the rest of them. Sirius jumped on Andromeda’s bed and laid there with a grin, gazing up at the permanently charmed ceiling that showed the moving Andromeda galaxy. Andromeda herself sat at the head of her bed, playing with one of the silver tassels on her pillows. Regulus sat upright on the opposite end of the chaise that Narcissa was on, curious as to why Andromeda wanted them all to gather together.

“Do you all know what soulmates are?” she asked in a hushed, excited tone. Sirius and Regulus shook their heads, and Narcissa hesitated before moving her hand in a motion that meant ‘sort of.’

Andromeda was clearly expecting this, because she pulled out a large, leather-bound book from inside the pillow she was playing with and gestured for everyone to gather around. Regulus, out of curiosity, stood up from the chaise and sat down on the bed next to his cousin. Narcissa waited for a moment and then got up with a sigh, leaning over the bed instead of sitting on it. Sirius sat up in excitement, his silver eyes wide with anticipation. Andromeda waited until everyone was ready, then flipped to a page that had clearly been read many times, and began to read aloud in her clear voice.

“‘ _Soulmates (noun): Two or more humans that are attracted and suited to each other in every aspect of their life. No one knows the origin of soulmates. Some speculate that the origin of soulmates trace back to the beginning of time, and our gifts are a way of reconnecting with the one(s) we were destined to be with one day. We, as a human species, have been given a gift, a great gift. The gift that whatever ink your soulmate writes on their skin appears on your own, and vice-versa. They exist in only magic communities. To not marry your soulmate is widely regarded to be one of the greatest insults to magic and the way of the world, and to lose a soulmate is a loss worse than your own death_ ,’” Andromeda finished reading the passage, closing the book with an eager look in her eyes. “I’ve been writing to my soulmate,” she whispered, pulling up the billowing sleeve that covered her wrist and showing her sister and cousins the writing there. 

Sirius and Narcissa gasped in wonder, peering forward to look at the writing. Regulus felt… sick. _Was that what those colors were, all those years ago? Why was Mother mad about it, then?_

“Have you met him yet?” Narcissa asked curiously, her pale blue eyes wide. 

Andromeda let out a soft smile then. “I suspect so. He goes to Hogwarts, too. But we haven’t told each other who we are yet. We’re making a game of it,” she said, with a far-away grin in her eyes. 

“Someone wrote to me, too,” Sirius said after a moment. He looked a bit unsettled. “She said she was sorry. I tried talking to her, but she wouldn’t answer anything I said,” he said sadly, and Andromeda hugged him. 

“She’ll come around,” she said softly, pressing a kiss to his forehead with a smile. “What about you, Regulus? Have you been in contact with your soulmate yet?”

Sirius looked away then, and Regulus shook his head. “No,” he lied. Andromeda seemed to take this moment as an opportunity, because a wide grin overtook her face and she fumbled around her bedside table for a quill and ink before thrusting it to him.

“Go on, then!” she said with a reassuring smile. Regulus gingerly took the quill and ink, afraid to spill anything. 

“What do I say?” 

Narcissa shrugged, uncaring. Sirius was watching him intently, with an expression Regulus could not decipher. 

Andromeda smiled, encouraging. “Tell her hello!” 

Regulus thought this seemed fair enough, and he rolled up his shorts halfway to write against his skin a simple ‘ _hello._ ’

The black ink looked stark against his borderline translucent skin, and Regulus blew on the ink to dry it. He looked up at Andromeda nervously. “What do I do now?”

She ruffled his hair affectionately, and Regulus winced. He hated when people messed up his hair, even if it happened to be his nicest cousin. “You wait for an answer, little cousin,” she said with a grin. 

Narcissa sighed loudly, and tossed her straightened black hair off of one shoulder before settling back on the chaise. When Sirius sent her a withering look, she sneered back at him. “I’ve no time for this nonsense. I’ve been talking to someone too, but it doesn’t mean I’ve got to wait around to figure out who baby Regulus is destined for,” she said, huffing. 

Regulus turned red with anger and looked away from her. Andromeda looked like she was about to start screaming at her sister. “Just _leave_ , then! Get out of my room, Cissy!” 

With a scoff, Narcissa flounced off of the chaise and walked out of the room, barely managing not to slam it as she left. Andromeda let out a loud sigh, then smiled at her two cousins. “Well. Now that the party pooper is gone,” she said with a grin, nudging Sirius. He laughed, poking her arm. 

Regulus was still studying his leg, but no answer appeared. He tried not to be disappointed, and instead focused his gaze on the various posters Andromeda had in her room. Large Slytherin banners hung on the top of one wall, and Regulus could see moving photos of Andromeda with her friends. He was pleased to see a photo of Andromeda, Sirius, and himself front and center. A bookshelf dominated another wall, and a lounge area separated the two.

A sudden gasp broke Regulus out of his reverie. “Reggie, your leg!” Sirius said excitedly.

Regulus looked down, pleasantly surprised to see a slightly shaky script spelling out: ‘ _hi :)_ ’

He giggled, surprising himself. It was something to wonder about a soulmate, but another to actually have her reply. He eagerly grabbed the quill, and nearly spilled ink on his shorts, before writing neatly: ‘ _So you’re my soulmate, then?_ ’

At the words, Andromeda snickered. “Ever formal, Regulus dear.”

“It wouldn’t be him if he wasn’t,” Sirius laughed along. 

Regulus scowled and stuck out his tongue at them, which just made them laugh more. It was childish, but he was seven, so he allowed it as a luxury to himself. 

The reply came almost instantly: ‘ _yeah, reckon so! do you like Quidditch?_ ’

Andromeda laughed. “Straight to the point, huh?” she murmured to herself with a smile.

Regulus responded, finding it hard to search for any more space. If his parents saw this, they’d likely flay him alive. ‘ _It’s alright. My parents want me to be a Seeker when I get to Hogwarts. Sorry, but I’ve got to stop talking tonight. Not enough space. Tomorrow?_ ’

‘ _:(_ ‘

Sirius laughed at that, and Regulus let out a happy sigh. His soulmate wanted to keep talking to him! 

“She sounds sweet,” Andromeda commented, squeezing his shoulder comfortingly. 

“Yeah,” Regulus said, watching as his soulmate sent one final message: ‘ _can’t wait to talk tomorrow! good night :)_ ’

Regulus felt a bit wild, so he drew on a little smiley face as well. He rolled his shorts down, pleased when they covered the ink on his leg. 

It was then that the door was flung open, and a stern Orion and Walburga Black stood in the door. 

“Sirius. Regulus. Up. We’re leaving,” Walburga snapped. 

“Bye, cousins,” Andromeda said with a smile, hugging the two squirming boys before they slid (or in Sirius’ case, jumped) off of her bed. “Thanks for coming, Uncle Orion and Aunt Walburga,” Andromeda said pleasantly, gracefully making her way across the room and smiling slightly at them. 

Orion nodded stiffly while Walburga said, “The pleasure was ours. Spend your birthday wisely.” With that, Orion and Walburga exited the room, Sirius and Regulus trailing behind them. 

Regulus gifted Andromeda a rare smile when his parents weren’t looking, while Sirius chose to shout, “Bye, Andy!” and wave excitedly. 

* * *

Andromeda laughed to herself at Sirius’ goodbye and flopped back down on her bed, grimacing when she heard raised tones from her Aunt and a sharp slap and a hiss of pain. Merlin, how she hoped those boys would be properly loved soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed the chapter!! stick around for more. i love andromeda and the complicated relationship between the Black family :)


	3. toujours pur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the morning after the dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is very violent in terms of child abuse. also, there are homophobic slurs later on in the chapter, as well as compulsory heterosexuality.
> 
> if any of that is triggering for you, please do not read. <3

The promise of talking to his soulmate tomorrow never came. 

Instead, James was greeted when he awoke with a cruel, fancy scrawl in blood marring the leg he had written to his soulmate on the night prior. Handwriting that was most decidedly not his soulmate’s. 

‘ _Toujours pur._ ’

James didn’t show his parents this time, because he didn’t want them to feel sadder than they already were, and he must have cried for hours in his bed, screaming at the world and punching the walls until Fleamont and Euphemia came running up to his room hysterically. He didn’t know what the writing meant, but he knew it could have only been bad, and that he would never forget it.

Each time they asked, James shook his head, and they understood, somehow, because they both wrapped him in hugs and let him cry onto their shoulders and let him drink as much hot chocolate as he wanted that day. 

* * *

It had been hard to hide the blood that appeared on Sirius’ body each month. Each morning, when it happened, Sirius would lock himself in his room and inspect the blood across his arms and legs and chest with morbid fascination and only felt like he could breathe when the blood went away. He had been hiding it for years-- since he was five, in fact, with many near misses. But this morning, he hadn’t noticed the bloody streaks across his face, and when Kreacher unlocked his door to tell him to hurry up to breakfast, a wide grin overtook the wizened house elf’s face and Sirius felt like he would throw up. 

Before he could blink, Kreacher had his arm in a vice-like grip and was dragging him down the stairs to his father’s study. Sirius was trying valiantly to grab hold of whatever banister or portrait he could, but Kreacher was stronger than him, and violently wrenched him away from what he was grabbing onto. 

By the time Kreacher had brought Sirius to his father’s study, the boy already had bruises all over his legs and his fingernails were bloody.

“Master Orion, Mistress Walburga, Kreacher has found something quite interesting going on with young Master Sirius,” he sneered, pushing Sirius forward. 

Sirius steeled his expression into one of boredom and took a deep breath before glaring at both of his parents.

Walburga and Orion’s faces were twinlike in their anger, and Walburga began shrieking at him. 

“None of this _nonsense_ about soulmates! We, from the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, do _not_ submit to this childlike fantasy! And marked with _blood_ , no less! Don’t think we haven’t seen this every month, you insolent, ungrateful child! The _gall_ you have to lie about it and show it to our faces! It’s disgusting that out of every horrible match that could have been made for you, you are further tainted with a _half-breed_ ,” she said, practically spitting at this point, “a mangy, dirty, _werewolf_!” Sirius had had no idea, and he had to hide his small intake of breath. “You _will_ learn your lesson, and you _will_ be taught respect!” she screamed, rushing forward and backhanding him across the face. Her heavy rings dug into Sirius’ cheek, and he could feel the dull rush of pain that came from being hit and blood pooling in his mouth. 

He spat it at her feet. And this is when his father, with rage in his eyes, grabbed Sirius’ neck with one hand and slammed him against the wall, tightening his hand. 

Sirius gasped and scrabbled at his father’s hand, choking, feeling his father’s fingers tightening before a young voice pierced the air with, “Father, stop!” 

Immediately, Orion loosened his hold on Sirius, who he let slide down the wall in a heap and clutch at his throat with sharp gasps. Bruises were already forming on his neck. 

Both of his parents turned to their favorite, less disgraced son. He stood in the doorway, and looked quite disheveled, as he had just been woken up by his mother’s shrieking. “ _What_ , Regulus? You are interrupting,” Walburga said angrily. 

This is when Regulus, with shaking hands, first openly defied his parents and all that they stood for. “I have a soulmate, _and_ I’ve been writing to her. Sirius didn’t ask for this,” he said, and he rolled up his pant leg to show them the writing there. 

Walburga’s face contorted with fury and she gripped both of Regulus’ bony wrists with one of her hands and forced him onto the floor. Sirius attempted to get up to help his little brother, but Orion stepped on his leg and forced him to watch. “Kreacher,” Orion snapped, and Kreacher immediately went to hold down Sirius, while Orion strode over to Regulus and held him down. Regulus was crying now, and Orion said harshly, “Blacks don’t cry,” before Walburga grabbed her wand and began to carve letters into Regulus’ skin. 

‘ _Toujours pur._ ’ 

Always pure. 

“Let this be a lesson,” Walburga said to both of her crying sons. With a sharp nod to Kreacher, she and Orion left the room, and the house-elf gathered both boys in each arm before dragging them to their rooms and locking the doors. They wouldn’t be let out until the next morning, and neither of them would speak to the other about what had happened.

* * *

Bellatrix Black, contrary to what her sisters thought, had a soulmate. And it wasn’t Rodolphus Lestrange. 

It was a _half-blood_. In _Hufflepuff_. And worse still, it was a _girl_. 

Her name didn’t matter. The conversations they had had late into the nights didn’t matter. The strange, giddy feeling Bellatrix got whenever she woke up to another intricate drawing or an ‘ _I love you, Bella_ ’ didn’t matter. The moonlight walks they had secretly through the grounds didn’t matter. The kisses they shared, and the declarations of love, didn’t matter. The tear-stricken revelation that Bellatrix could never be with her didn’t matter. The fact that she was a Black, however, did. 

So, beginning sixth year, she scorned her soulmate. Ignored her at Hogwarts. Laughed at her along with her housemates. Called her a half-blood. Began writing the most horrid, hateful things she could think of for her to wake up to. 

_‘I hate you.’_

_‘You mean nothing to me.’_

_‘You disgust me.’_

_‘I’m not a fucking dyke.’_

_‘Stop talking to me, lesbo.’_

_‘I never want to speak with you again.’_

_‘Stop writing to me, or I’ll tell everyone about your secrets.’_

_‘I hate you.’_

_‘I hate you.’_

_‘I hate you.’_

At first, Bellatrix was met with pleads and gentle caresses and stubborn, fairy-like writing of ‘ _I don’t believe you,_ ’ and, ‘ _I’ll always love you,_ ’ and, ‘ _I know you don’t mean that._ ’ But then her never-ending love turned into silence, and when Bellatrix Black had gone back to Hogwarts after Christmas break, someone told her that she and her family had moved to Luxembourg, and she had transferred to Beauxbatons. 

She tried to ignore the aching in her heart. “Good,” she said simply. And when she met Rodolphus Lestrange, he was a good-enough match that she pushed her soulmate out of her mind. 

_Toujours pur. Toujours pur. Toujours pur._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! i really enjoyed writing bellatrix's character. the black family dynamics are so interesting and heartbreaking...


	4. acquaintances and enemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the train ride to Hogwarts!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all!! so i made a mistake in chapter two, while explaining soulmates. it is fixed now. i had previously written that they exist in both magic and muggle communities, but i changed it to only magic communities. 
> 
> cw: mention of alcoholism & scars

Remus Lupin spent the next three years in pain. Each moon seemed to be worse than the last, but he tried as quickly as possible to clean the blood so it wouldn’t end up on his soulmate’s skin. Now, as he neared his eleventh birthday, he remembered the last time she had spoken to him, almost five years ago now. 

‘ _Why can’t we talk? What are you sorry for? Please, talk to me._ ’

But Remus had ignored his soulmate, and ignored the too-frequent stains of his soulmate’s blood on his back and legs when he awoke some mornings. 

His soulmate shouldn’t have to put up with a monster like him. So it was better to ignore her. He had to accept that no one would ever love him, and he did believe it. That is, until he got his Hogwarts letter.

His mother had smiled hopefully at him, and his father had grunted his approval from across the table. Before he knew it, the summer had passed, and Remus was standing on Platform 9 ¾, shivering in his worn jumper and father’s jacket. His mother straightened the collar of his father’s old jacket and pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

“Be careful,” she said, both warning and hopeful. He nodded solemnly. 

“Bye, Mum,” he said, and made his way on the train, dragging his battered trunk behind him. He hauled his trunk up the steps, making his way to the back of the train and finding an empty compartment. He waved to his mum, who was still on the platform, looking equally nervous and excited for him. His father hadn’t joined the send-off, and was instead either at the pub or at home. Either way, he was most likely nursing a bottle of firewhiskey. 

Remus Lupin cracked open his mother’s copy of _To Kill a Mockingbird_ and began to read, ignoring the countryside out of his window. It wasn’t long before his compartment squeaked open, and Remus looked up sharply, his eyes following the figure of a rather plump blond boy around his age. 

“Hi,” he said breathlessly. “May I sit here? I’ve got chocolate,” he offered, showing a bunch of chocolate frogs. Remus smiled, taking pity on the boy, and silently offered the seat across from him. Within five minutes, Remus had learned that his name was Peter Pettigrew, he was a first year, like himself, he had no siblings, he was a half-blood (his mum was a witch), and he liked chess. “Mum says candy is a good way to make friends. Guess she’s right,” he said around a mouthful of a chocolate frog. 

Remus nodded, offering him a smile. “Chocolate is always good. Er- have you read this book?” he asked, holding up his book. He didn’t want to be rude, but he would much rather be reading than talking to the boy. Peter shook his head. “Ah, well, it’s quite good.”

“Maybe you could read it to me!” Peter said hopefully, his eyes alight with the prospect. And that is how Remus Lupin found himself reading _To Kill A Mockingbird_ to his first possible friend.

* * *

Coming to Hogwarts was the second most exciting thing in James Potter’s life so far. (The first, of course, was when his soulmate had written to him.)

But here he was, on the platform, with his shiny new trunk, and his very own wand, and his mum and dad anxiously ruffled his hair and straightened his tie. He waved them off impatiently. “I’ll be fine, promise!” he said, flashing them a grin. Euphemia kissed him on both cheeks (lipstick-less, of course) and Fleamont gave him a tight hug.

“Have fun, James!” they said together, teary-eyed. 

James was halfway up the steps to the train now, and he turned and gave them a large, over-the-head wave. “Don’t forget to write!” he yelled to them with a smile.

“We love you!” they yelled back in unison, dabbing at the corners of their eyes with their handkerchiefs. 

“Love you too!” he yelled proudly.

Once he was on the train, he entered a compartment towards the back, where a redheaded girl and a pale, black-haired boy were sitting. The boy looked incredibly amused sitting next to her, and was lounging in a way that showed he couldn’t _not_ look posh even if he tried. James slid open the compartment with a grin. “Can I join you?” The girl smiled at him and nodded, and the boy quirked his eyebrow and nodded as well. 

“I’m James Potter,” he introduced himself to the group after he sat down opposite them, near the door.

“Lily Evans,” the girl-- who was rather cute-- said with a smile.

“Sirius,” said the boy sullenly, crossing his arms as if expecting a challenge. “Sirius Black.”

James raised his eyebrow at that. “Black, eh? My dad’s told me about your family.” Lily looked over to them curiously. 

“Likewise,” Sirius said with a grimace. “They told us the Potters were blood traitors.” He said, laughing, “I’ve got a feeling my mother would absolutely hate me being friends with you two. So it’s exactly what I’ll do.”

Lily looked like she didn’t know whether to laugh or raise her eyebrows in shock, so she did the latter, which elicited good-natured laughter from the two boys. 

“Good to meet you lot,” James said with a grin. ‘Evans’ didn’t sound like a Wizarding name, so he directed his first question to her. “Evans, how are you liking the prospect of Hogwarts?” he asked, wiggling his gloved fingers at her playfully. James had taken to wearing long, elbow-length gloves since he was eight. Since that dreadful morning. So he never accidentally stained his hands.

Before Lily Evans could answer, the door slid open again, and a greasy-haired boy already in his robes sat down in between James and the window, across from Evans. “ _There_ you are,” he said, in a mixture of jealousy and relief. “Been looking all over the train for you,” he huffed in annoyance. 

Lily’s pleasant expression had turned sour the moment the boy had opened the door. “Go away, Sev. I already told you, Tuney hates me and it’s all because you told me to read her letters,” she said furiously. 

‘Sev’ sighed. “Honestly, Lily, I don’t see why you would care about that. She’s a _Muggle_ , she’s not important.” 

“She’s my _sister_!” Lily retorted, standing up. 

Sirius and James exchanged eye contact and raised their eyebrows, a silent understanding passing between them. 

The boy stood up as well, catching her wrist with his hand. He sighed. “Okay, fine. Just sit down, alright? I’m excited for Hogwarts. You’d better be in Slytherin with me,” he said quietly with a smile.

At the mention of Hogwarts, Lily calmed down, and the two sat back down. But James and Sirius were more interested in the latter part of what ‘Sev’ had said.

“ _Slytherin_?” James repeated in shock, a sneer evident on his face. “Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I’d leave, wouldn’t you?” he nudged Black with his foot. 

“My whole family have been in Slytherin,” Sirius said drily, to James’ horror. 

“Blimey, and I thought you seemed all right!”

“Maybe I’ll break the tradition,” he said cheekily, and Lily let out a small laugh. The other boy was practically green with jealousy. “Where are you going, if you’ve got the choice?”

James pretended to lift an invisible sword. “‘Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!’ Like my dad,” James said proudly. 

The greasy-haired boy let out a snort. 

James turned to him. “Got a problem with that?”

“Sure, if you’d rather be brawny than brainy-” 

“Where’re you hoping to go, seeing as you’re neither?” Sirius snapped. 

James roared with laughter. Lily flushed with anger and glared at the two boys in distaste. “C’mon, Severus, we’re leaving,” she said, standing up and exiting the compartment. As Severus made his way out, James tripped him.

“See ya, Snivellus!” James shouted as he scrambled up. The compartment door hadn’t even closed before Sirius and James were shaking with laughter. 

“Merlin, that was good,” Sirius said with a grin. 

James nodded, grinning. He could already tell he and Sirius would have a blast at Hogwarts together. 

* * *

Muggleborn wizards and witches’ soulmate writing abilities were activated once they were within their magic school’s walls. It wasn’t exactly rare, but not common, either, for someone to have more than one soulmate. But that night, Lily Evans would accidentally spill a pot of ink over her clothes and legs, not used to quill and ink instead of a ballpoint pen, and James Potter would watch in shock as his legs became awash with the splatter of ink. Regulus Black, however, would have pale legs, unmarked except for the harsh words carved permanently onto his upper thigh. For James Potter had two soulmates, and Lily Evans and Regulus Black had one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! let me know what you think!!
> 
> part of the sirius, james, snape & lily train scene dialogue is taken directly from the deathly hallows
> 
> i do not agree with jk rowlings views at ALL


	5. the sorting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> our favorites get sorted!!! 1971 babeyyy
> 
> this chapter took me ages because i decided that it was crucial to write out and create every single character that has ever been at hogwarts from 1960-1979 and give them all backstories so please enjoy this chapter,,,, the ocs will pop up over time and i promise you'll like them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some notes for this chapter:  
> all soulmate writing is italicized  
> thinking/sorting hat thoughts are italicized  
> james' soulmate writing is in normal italics  
> regulus' is underlined  
> lily's is in bold
> 
> cw: some thoughts about child abuse, nothing graphic, but please don't read if that is triggering! <3  
> also, there is some mention about sirius finding remus attractive "despite" his scars. sirius is eleven, raised in a horrible household, and has seen remus for the first time; these thoughts of liking someone "despite" their 'flaws' will be erased as the fic goes on. and having scars is not a flaw in any way, but sirius' automatic thought is that it is a flaw because it is how he was raised.

“Black, Sirius!” 

Before Professor McGonagall could even finish reading his name, the Great Hall was steadily filled with whispers, murmurs, and jeers. Sirius, with shaky legs, ascended the few small steps up to the platform and stared straight ahead, grey eyes unblinking. He sat on the worn wooden stool, hands folded neatly in his lap like a Black heir should. His heart hammered in his chest and the last thing he saw before he was plunged into a hazy sort of darkness by the Sorting Hat was Professor McGonagall’s scrutinizing stare. 

“ _A Black, eh? It’s been a few years since I’ve had the pleasure of diving into a Black’s mind. But_ you, _Sirius Black,_ you _seem quite different._ ”

Sirius wasn’t shocked that the hat seemed to _think_ in his mind. Of course he had been warned about it. But it was a bit uncomfortable. He thought back.

_Different how?_

“ _Oh, now that’s quite interesting. You have a strong desire to help those you love. Never caring about the consequences it may have on you. Brash, bold. Loyal. Even though it may be to the detriment of your own life. And there is cunning, and wit there too. You have a desire to prove yourself, Sirius. What do you think?_ ”

Sirius was unsettled, to say the least. This hat knew him more than he knew himself. 

_I’m not like my family,_ he settled on, and the hat thought with what Sirius knew to be a grin, “ _you’ll follow your heart in_ GRYFFINDOR!”

The hat was pulled off of Sirius’ head. The Great Hall was deafeningly quiet for a moment before it erupted into noise. Slytherins were booing, screaming at him, calling him a blood traitor. Sirius spotted Andromeda, who was standing up and clapping and cheering for him proudly, while Narcissa simply sat at the table and stared at him in shock. James, who was still in line, was whooping with joy, and some younger Gryffindors were clapping enthusiastically while the older ones took a moment to get to the same pace. Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs reluctantly joined in the applause as Sirius walked, head held high and a cocky grin on his face, to join the Gryffindors at the table. Someone clapped his shoulder as he sat down, and he involuntarily flinched. “First student to get Sorted! And Gryffindor, no less! Bloody well job, Black!” The boy introduced himself as Frank Longbottom. He flashed Frank a smile and watched the rest of the Sorting eagerly, ignoring the sick feeling in his stomach. 

Sirius saw ‘Bones, Amelia’ get sorted into Hufflepuff with tumultuous applause (being the first Hufflepuff as well), joining a sandy-haired boy who looked like he could have been her twin at the table. 

He watched a Slytherin get sorted, and then a couple Ravenclaws, and then the redhead from the train, Lily Evans, was called up to the stool. She looked a bit nervous, but held herself together well, her bright green eyes piercing the crowd. The hat only took about thirty seconds before proudly declaring her a Gryffindor. She looked conflicted when the hat came off of her head, sending an apologetic smile to Snivellus (who was still waiting to be Sorted). Lily was beaming when she turned to walk to the Gryffindor table. Sirius waved her over with a hopeful grin, but she glared at him. It was frightening how quickly Evans’ moods could change. She purposely sat across the table from him, next to a girl who was immune to the longful gazes of Frank Longbottom. 

While she had sat down, a boy named Adrian Fawcett had been Sorted into Ravenclaw, along with another bloke called Benjy Fenwick. 

As the Sorting went on and on, Sirius’ mind was tumbling with thoughts of what his family would do to him when they found out about his Sorting. He’d probably get a few extra beatings, and Kreacher would make nasty comments, and Regulus would be disappointed in him. Nothing he couldn’t handle. He forced these thoughts aside and tried to focus on the Sorting. He had missed quite a lot of names, but it appeared as though they had only been Sorted into Hufflepuff or Slytherin, with the exception of one Ravenclaw. Slytherin gained their third girl right before “Lupin, Remus!” was called. _An odd name_ , Sirius thought with a small grin, _though I’m one to talk_. 

A scrawny, scarred boy who looked a bit starstruck by everything around him stumbled up to the stool. He had a shock of brown curls that appeared golden when the candlelight hit it. Sirius found that he was quite good-looking, despite the scars across his left cheek. After a couple minutes that must have been agonizing for the boy, the hat bellowed, “GRYFFINDOR!” Sirius found himself clapping along with the others. When he motioned for the boy to sit next to him, he sat down (unlike Evans, who was still shooting him nasty glares). 

“Sirius Black,” he said in a whisper as the next name was called. He stuck out his hand.

“Remus Lupin,” the boy replied, a half-smile on his face as he shook Sirius’ hand. 

Before he could say more, Gryffindor erupted into applause again, and the boys shared a bashful grin before clapping. A girl with long brown hair and a kind-looking face was beaming as she walked towards the table. She sat on the other side of Evans, and the two instantly struck up a conversation (something about a new ‘beetles album,’ whatever that was. Sirius had no idea why a bug would have a photo album). 

Before he could comment to Lupin on how ridiculous that was, Gryffindor’s table started cheering again, and a boy stood up from their table and shouted, “OI, THAT’S MY SISTER! BLOODY BRILLIANT JOB, MARLENE!” 

“ _LANGUAGE,_ MR. MCKINNON!” Professor McGonagall shouted above the laughter in the Great Hall. The Headmaster was shaking his head with a slight twinkle in his eye. Two boys, one of them Longbottom, successfully pulled ‘Mr. McKinnon’ back into his seat. 

The girl in question, Marlene, was blushing furiously at the attention and slid into a seat next to her older brother with a large grin, swatting at his hand when he tried to ruffle her blonde hair. Sirius caught her eye and raised his eyebrow at her, a smirk on his face. “Good work then, McKinnon,” he said lightly. 

She blushed even further, if that was possible, and replied smoothly, “all in a day’s work.”

Sirius had a feeling he would be good friends with her. 

The Gryffindors politely clapped as ‘McLaggen, Thelonious’ was Sorted into Ravenclaw-- “quite a mouthful, eh?” Sirius whispered to Lupin, who laughed quietly. The other Gryffindor boy who had helped pull Marlene’s brother down was now standing and cheering loudly, and this time Longbottom and McKinnon grabbed his robes and yanked him back to his seat. 

The next girl, ‘Meadowes, Dorcas,’ was called up to be Sorted, and Sirius could see her shaking hands from here. Was it common for every first-year to be that terrified of being Sorted? When he posed this question as a whisper to Longbottom, it apparently was. 

After nearly four minutes, the hat still wouldn’t give Meadowes a House, and Lupin had leaned over the table to ask what was happening. 

“A near Hatstall, probably,” answered the older McKinnon with an air of knowledge, “a Hatstall when the Hat is equally in between two or more Houses for over five minutes and doesn’t know where to put you.” The newly-sorted Gryffindor first-years listened intently, and were sympathetic towards the girl. 

“They say Professor McGonagall herself was a Hatstall,” began McKinnon’s friend in low tones, “one of the first in over two hundred years. She was between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. But obviously, the Hat chose the superior House,” he finished with a grin. Sirius recognized him as the one who had stood up when Thelonious McLaggen was Sorted. A brother, perhaps. No sooner had the possible McLaggen finished speaking when the Hat shouted, “GRYFFINDOR!” 

It took a moment for the students to become un-zoned out, but when they did, their applause was thunderous. Sirius, who was clapping and cheering amongst the others, felt immense pride for his new House. 

* * *

James Potter was nervous, and he was loath to admit it. He had been so confident that he would be Sorted into Gryffindor, but after Meadowes’ near Hatstall, he wasn’t so sure anymore. There were only four people before him now, and he found that his palms were sweating. He wiped them on his robes, staring straight ahead. The blonde bloke directly in front of him was muttering under his breath and kept turning to look at the crowd around him. James found that the boy was making him more anxious. Great. He did have some sympathy for the guy, but was more focused on himself at the moment. 

The only things he could hear were the names, the shout from the Hat, and the cheering of the Houses.

Ravenclaw. Slytherin. Ravenclaw. Hufflepuff. All in quick succession. The boy in front of him scurried forward, and after another near Hatstall, he was sorted into Gryffindor. 

The moment James’ name was called, he felt as though all his senses were amplified. He vaguely registered someone behind him patting his shoulder kindly. With wobbling knees, he stepped forward, sitting on the worn wooden stool and gripping it tightly with his fingers to steady himself. 

Professor McGonagall lowered the Sorting Hat on his head, and he stared straight down at the floor between his feet.

“ _Ah, James Potter. It seems as though it was just yesterday that I sorted your parents. Euphemia, terribly smart and incredibly kind. And Fleamont, of course, the brave little soul. Your mind, Mr. Potter, seems to be a lovely mix of the two._ ”

James settled on thinking, _Er, thanks._

If the Sorting Hat could laugh, James thought it did so just now.

“ _You seem quite unsure of your worth, Young James. But not to fret. Your heart, and I, am sure that you belong in_ GRYFFINDOR!”

With immense relief, James leaped off of the stool, Sorting Hat still on his head, as the Gryffindors cheered for him. Professor McGonagall had to call his name again, to multitudes of laughs around the Great Hall, before she plucked it off of his head. 

“Sorry, Professor!” he said apologetically before jogging to the Gryffindor table. He spotted Marlene, his oldest friend, and Sirius, the boy from the train, and he slid into a seat across from Sirius and next to Marlene. “Marls! Great work!” he said with a grin, and they did one of their complicated secret handshakes. Samuel McKinnon reached over Marlene’s head and ruffled James’ hair.

After wiggling his eyebrows at the McKinnon siblings, James leaned across the table, locking eyes with Sirius. “So, decided to defy your family then? I couldn’t be prouder,” he said with a wide smile. Sirius’ eyes widened minutely before his face split into a large grin. 

“Glad we’ll be together, Potter. Snivellus will have to watch out,” he said with a laugh. At that, a loud scoff could be heard from a few seats away. Sirius rolled his eyes as if to say, ‘ignore her.’ “This is Remus Lupin,” he shouted over the Slytherin’s cheers for another student.

James extended his hand across the table to the scarred boy Sirius presented. “James Potter,” he said pleasantly. Remus shook his hand, offering him a shy smile. 

“And this here’s Marlene!” he said, motioning to his best friend since childhood. Marlene gave them all a friendly wave, and blushed for some reason when Sirius shook her hand. “I’ve a feeling we’ll all be great friends,” James said with a grin.

* * *

Later that evening, after the Gryffindor prefects had ushered them into their dormitories, James had met Peter Pettigrew, and the four new Gryffindor boys had all stayed up late, sharing Bertie Bott’s every Flavor Beans and cackling at each other. 

After their festivities, when James was undressing carefully in the bathroom for bed, he outright gasped at his ink-stained thighs. But more shocking was the fact that no blood accompanied it. As he took off his shirt to replace it with his treasured, too-tight Falmouth Falcons jersey, he noticed small, familiar handwriting across his stomach. His heart jolted. He had to crane his neck to read it, but there it was.

‘ _Good luck, if you’re Sorted today. I’ll be going next year. :)_ ’

He scrambled out of the bathroom quickly in his underwear, shouting for a quill. Sirius goggled at his almost-bare form, and Peter yelled, “my EYES!” and turned around. Remus, ever helpful, supplied him with a quill and ink without a word and resumed his nighttime reading. 

James dashed back into the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it before scrawling out a reply on his torso. 

‘ _I got Sorted! :) and are you alright? I noticed the ink stain._ ’

This time, a question mark landed underneath his writing, and unfamiliar script looped into place. 

‘ _ **WHO ARE YOU AND HOW CAN YOU WRITE ON MY BODY??**_ ’

James’ heart stopped. This made no sense at all! He let out a frustrated groan. At the same moment, the writing he had come to cherish over the years appeared. 

‘ _What ink stain? Are you alright?_ ’

His hands shaking, he wrote carefully: 

‘ _is it possible to have two soulmates? because I think it’s just happened to me._ ’

* * *

After emerging from the bathroom and sharing his news with his roommates, Sirius reluctantly notified James that it _was_ possible to have more than one soulmate. He seemed highly uncomfortable about the subject, though, and Remus didn’t look up from his book once. Peter, on the other hand, was a romantic, filled with ideas of who it could be. 

James was tired, though, and after entertaining Peter’s fantasies for a few minutes, decided he was ready for bed. The other three seemed to have similar ideas, because Remus closed his book and drew his curtains without a word. Sirius closed his curtains as well, whispering a “good night” to the air before doing so. It took James a little while to fall into sleep, but he was comforted by his three new friends, his first soulmate’s words, and Peter’s soft snores; before he knew it he was fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaa i love this chapter so much. let me know what POV u want to see next!!!


	6. misunderstandings & musings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some love for my Gryffindor girls!!!
> 
> special appearance by your favorite Black cousins...
> 
> & some angst at the end, because we love to see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my favorite thing ever is purebloods being confused about muggle culture, technology, and religion
> 
> bro inspiration really STRUCK today!!!
> 
> thanks for sticking with me & thanks for all the love <3
> 
> cw: some mention of blood in this chapter

Dorcas Meadowes was tired when she woke up. It was her own fault, really-- she had spent most of the night writing to her soulmate on her arms. She had fallen asleep in Gryffindor Tower with ink staining her pillow, and funny drawings all over her abdomen. Her soulmate always signed off with ‘ ** _M.M._** ’

Dorcas had known that ‘M.M.’ was a girl for a long time, and had come to terms with being a lesbian over the years. Her soulmate didn’t know that Dorcas was a girl. She wondered how ‘M.M.’ would react if she knew. 

Dorcas pulled her robes over her head before she left the safety of the curtains of her four-poster, and waved a quiet hello to Evans, who looked like she hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep and had instead fretted over something. 

“Alright, Evans?” she asked quietly in their shared bathroom. The redhead nodded, reaching for her toothbrush, before shaking her head. 

“I… something weird happened last night,” she began, and Dorcas nodded encouragingly. “I… someone _wrote_ on my body,” she said in a shocked whisper, her emerald eyes wide with shock, as if Dorcas would think she was crazy. 

Dorcas had to stifle her laughter. “Oh, Lily! Have you never heard of soulmates?”

Lily, still looking terrified, shook her head. Dorcas sympathetically patted her shoulder. “Every witch and wizard has a soulmate. We’re able to write to them on our bodies, so… any form of ink or paint or blood or tomato sauce that ends up on our body ends up on theirs, unless we wash it off. I guess because you’re a Muggle-born, you didn’t know until now. Maybe Hogwarts activated it somehow?” Dorcas questioned. 

Lily, for lack of a better word, looked shocked, and then laughed. “Oh, Jesus! I practically yelled at my soulmate then!” she ran her toothbrush under the water before putting toothpaste on it and wetting it again, much to Dorcas’ amusement. She had no idea how Lily got the name ‘Jesus,’ but Dorcas was cool with this new nickname. 

Lily began brushing her teeth while Dorcas attempted to shove her curly hair into a shower cap. Her mother had liked to twist it into box braids and adorn it with colorful beads any chance she got, but Dorcas much preferred her hair in its natural state. She liked the power of it all without the heaviness of the braids. Dorcas watched as Lily spat out her toothpaste and rinsed her mouth, washing her face with cold water before patting it dry with a towel. The redhead ran a brush quickly through her long hair and then squeezed Dorcas in a side hug, murmuring a “thank you” before going to pack her bag. 

* * *

Mary Macdonald was busy getting dressed in the corner of the room as Lily re-emerged from the bathroom. “Morning!” she said cheerfully, packing her bag. “McKinnon’s still asleep, then?” she asked, motioning to the one bed that still had its curtains drawn. Mary finished pulling her robes over her head and grinned. 

“Yep. She sleeps like the dead, I swear,” she said with a laugh. She heard the shower turn on and a loud grumble could be heard from Marlene’s bed. 

Mary and Lily’s eyes met from across the room and they watched as Marlene threw open the curtains dramatically, rubbing her eyes. The two of them let out peals of laughter at Marlene’s bedhead and lack of pants. “ _Jesus_ , McKinnon, you look like a zombie,” Lily said sympathetically.

“Didn’t get any sleep,” she grumbled as the shower turned off and Dorcas yelled, “Did someone call my name?”

“Nope!” Mary supplied helpfully, and she heard the water turn back on. 

“Me neither,” Lily nodded, her bag ready. Marlene looked like she was about to murder someone. She dragged her hands down her face with a loud groan. 

“‘Mma go take a shower,” she mumbled, eyes half-closed as she stumbled into the bathroom with a bright red towel. The second shower could be heard turning on, with McKinnon’s grunt of “good morning” barely audible over the water. 

Mary and Lily's eyes met again and they laughed. This was going to be a fun seven years. 

* * *

At breakfast, Marlene was further annoyed by James prodding her arm every five seconds and stacking extra waffles on her plate. Needless to say, she was _not_ a morning person. At all. It hadn’t helped that she had stayed up all night talking to her soulmate again. Though, her soulmate’s smiley faces and hearts and poetry were worth staying up late for.

“Jamie, I swear, if you poke me again, I _will_ hex you,” she grumbled into her eggs and waffles. James simply laughed, and met Black’s eye before the two of them poked her sides together. She giggled, dropping her waffle, squirming and shrieking loudly as she was tickled. “Stop! Stop! _Potter, stop!_ ” 

When they finally relented, there were eggs all over the table and Marlene’s face was a bright red. Her blonde hair was even more messy than it had been when she woke up. Samuel, her brother, was raising his eyebrows at her from further down the table, and his friends Frank Longbottom and Tiberius McLaggen were cackling obnoxiously. 

“Shut it,” she grumbled, wiping the eggs from her face with her napkin before bursting into uncontrollable laughter at the situation.

James and Black laughed along with her, and they only stopped when Clove Laughalot, a sixth-year prefect, told them to be quiet and eat their breakfast without disturbing everyone at the table. “She should change her name to Scowlalot,” Black muttered, and James and Marlene devolved into fresh bouts of stifled laughter. 

* * *

Sirius barely ate anything in the first ten minutes of breakfast because he was busy laughing with James and Marlene over breakfast. Peter kept trying to join in the laughter, Remus just ignored them and read, protecting his book from the eggs, and Lily scowled every five seconds. 

“Mail’s here!” a short-haired girl next to Frank said loudly as owls descended from outside the Great Hall. Sirius looked up in wonder as owls swooped overhead, dropping letters and packages to almost all the students. 

Marlene gasped loudly when her family owl dropped off a small package and letter for her after dropping a similar one for her brother. Evans and her brunette friend (Merlin, Sirius _really_ needed to learn her name), both Muggle-born, looked a bit crestfallen when they didn’t receive anything. Lupin, though a half-blood, didn’t receive anything, and didn’t look that fazed by it. Pettigrew received a large package and eagerly ripped it open, diving into a package of Fizzing Whisbees. James received a small parcel, and tucked it into his pocket politely before opening his letter with a smile.

Sirius was dreading a letter, and he thought he had escaped his parents’ wrath before he spotted his family’s large eagle owl swoop in. He let out a small exhale as it dropped a letter with the Black family seal next to his plate. The eagle owl, fittingly named Deimos, clipped his finger sharply, drawing blood, before soaring off with a squawk. Sirius scowled before slipping the letter in his pocket to read it later, pretending like nothing had happened. 

* * *

Lily watched as Sirius tucked a letter in his pocket with an odd expression and decided not to mention it. 

_Too good to get excited about a letter from his parents. He should count himself lucky he got something_ , she thought angrily. She stabbed her waffles angrily with her fork and kept her head down, listening to Potter go on and on about Quidditch to anyone who would listen. Mary let out a loud gasp, and Dorcas poked her shoulder. 

“What?” she asked, before seeing a small envelope on her plate. She gasped, watching the owl that had delivered it fly to the Slytherin table. 

“Go on then, open it!” Mary said with a grin. Potter, Black, and Marlene were watching now. Lily blushed at the attention and opened the envelope, unfolding the small letter with shaking hands.

_Dear Lily,_

_Congratulations on being Sorted! I know it’s not Slytherin, but I’m still proud of you. It would be fun to have lunch or dinner together. We can complain about Tuney, Potter, and Black together._

_I hope we share a lot of classes this year._

_Always,  
Sev_

Underneath the letter was a little stick figure drawing of the two of them swinging on the tree outside of Lily’s house. She looked over to the Slytherin table, where Sev was watching her intently. They locked eyes and smiled. Lily waved at him, and he nodded his head at her before one of his Housemates elbowed him and he scowled at his plate.

“Ooh, a letter from Snivelly?” Sirius teased loudly, reaching for the letter. Lily’s cheeks felt hot and she snatched the letter away from his prying hands, earning a papercut on her finger.

“None of your business,” she said indignantly, tucking it in her robes. Dorcas and Mary sent matching withering looks to Black, who rolled his eyes at them. 

Just then, two older girls with Slytherin ties approached their table. One of them looked bored and haughty, and the other wore a warm smile. The kinder-looking one waved at the group before lightly placing a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. He whipped around and broke into a smile at the sight of the girl. “Andy!” he said with a grin, then nodded at the second girl. “Cissy. See you’ve dyed your hair,” he said with a smirk. “Hoping to match Malfoy?”

The second girl scoffed. “As a matter of fact, yes. It’s befitting to match your fiancé. Though of course you wouldn’t know of that, Sirius.” Lily didn’t quite know the validity of this claim, and averted her eyes from the scene. Across the table sat Remus, who was staring at his finger with a sort of shock. Blood had blossomed on it, and his efforts to wipe it away didn’t work. He quickly hid his hand in his robes, as if he didn’t want anyone to see it. Lily’s blood ran cold, and then heat rose to her cheeks. _Remus Lupin was her soulmate._

* * *

As Sirius was twisted around in his seat to speak to his cousins, he noticed blood from Deimos’ little present on his finger and sucked on it impatiently. _Bugger_ , he thought. Hopefully it wouldn’t scar.

Sirius rolled his eyes at Narcissa’s comment. “Whatever. It’s good to see you, though,” he said brightly, the second part of his sentence directed at Andromeda. “And you,” he added quickly, glancing over at Narcissa. 

Andromeda squeezed his shoulder and kissed his cheek, taking the opportunity to whisper in his ear, “I’m proud of you,” before straightening up and saying quietly, “your parents expect you to join us at the Slytherin table tonight at dinner.”

“Attendance is _mandatory_ ,” interjected Narcissa. “Anyway. I’m off, then. Sirius,” she nodded respectfully at him, before flouncing off to meet her fiancé. Andromeda looked pleased at this recent development, taking the opportunity to give him a hug and whisper in his ear again.

“Just be careful, alright? You can always come to me. I love you, little cousin.”

He nodded, knowing he couldn’t say it back right now, but as his grey eyes met her soft brown ones, they both had a mutual understanding that they were their true family.

Andromeda kissed his head one last time and left the table quickly, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Sirius turned back to his Housemates, who suddenly averted their eyes as if they had been caught doing something wrong.

“Oh, sod off, I know you were watching,” he said with a grin, whacking James across the head with a waffle.

Marlene erupted into giggles again, and that was that.

* * *

Frank Longbottom was hopelessly in love with Alice Fortescue. 

It didn’t help that she insisted on helping the first years with their homework each night, even though she was just a second year herself, or that she always smelled like jasmine and vanilla and ate graham crackers when she was stressed. 

He was thirteen, and he was in love with Alice, and he would wait for as long as he needed to for her to see it.

Of course, when he grew older, he would realize that his version of love then was just a crush now, but it still rang true. Fast forward a few years, and they were married, training side-by-side to be Aurors against Voldemort, expecting a baby with eyes as bright as Alice’s. 

Fast forward a few more, and they were empty shells, tortured beyond recognition, lying next to each other in hospital beds and gifting each other gum wrappers as a token of their love. 

For their love never faded, even as they couldn’t remember their own son’s name, who stood there with tears running down his cheeks. Their love for each other and their son just took on different forms. 

A crush.  
Jasmine and vanilla.  
Her selflessness.  
Firelight on Alice’s hair.  
Her frustration when she couldn’t get a potion right.  
Her laugh on a summer morning.  
Her grumbles in the cold in Hogsmeade.  
The loudest ‘yes’ he had ever heard.  
Drunken laughter.  
Her sudden shyness as she walked down the aisle.  
Excitement when Neville took his first steps.  
That one smile that was just for him.  
Fighting, side-by-side.  
Hiding wherever they could find space.  
Captured, and holding hands, and crying from across the room, because the Death Eaters didn’t want them to lose themselves with each other.  
Screams.  
Gum wrappers. 

But right now, it was Frank Longbottom’s third year, and Alice Fortescue was still ignorant of his affections, and they were all laughing at whatever nonsense Tiberius McLaggen and Samuel McKinnon were up to now.

Right now, everything was all right. And he would keep on pining, and loving her the way his thirteen-year-old self knew how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dorcas' new nickname is jesus, end of story
> 
> i'm not sorry about frank and alice, god their story is so fucking _tragic_ who gave jk the right seriously
> 
> i really enjoyed writing from multiple POV's in this chap!! let me know how u feel about it :)


	7. matchsticks and fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first years have their first two classes & lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!! 
> 
> just a quick note, this chapter contains some callous remarks & insensitivity -- again, these are children (11 years old) and their behavior will be addressed, they will all learn from their behavior! in addition to this statement, i'd like to mention the only "ships" that are taking place at this time are in the form of crushes or pre-established relationships with older characters.
> 
> i'd also like to respond to petals_full 's comment about soulmates in the end notes!
> 
> **cw for bullying, slight violence, flashbacks (to previous child abuse in chapter 3), internalized homophobia, panic attacks, small mention of disordered eating**

After the excitement that was breakfast, the Gryffindors headed to their first class: Transfiguration with the Ravenclaws. They had all groaned at this news; 13 Ravenclaws had been Sorted that year, and only 8 Gryffindors had been Sorted. They were brutally outnumbered. At least the professor was their Head of House.

When they got there, they realized this was no consolation. Professor McGonagall was terrifyingly stern.

Sirius Black was up for a challenge.

After the roll call (in which Sirius realized his name was _definitely_ not the worst in the class), Professor McGonagall explained their task for the hour: turning a matchstick into a needle. “Five points to whoever is able to do so by nine o’clock!” With that, she began walking along the desks, scrutinizing the matchsticks under a glasses-hidden gaze.

She stopped at a Ravenclaw’s desk. “Well done, Mr. Stebbins! You could all take a leaf out of his book,” she said, to grumbles in the class. “Ten points to Ravenclaw for being the first to do so!” 

The next person to achieve praise was James, to Evans’ shock. Sirius was proud of him. “Excellent work, Mr. Potter. Five points to Gryffindor.”

From there, it became a game of who could do so the quickest; after an hour, only six more students were able to complete the transformation: Jacqueline Edgecombe, Dorcas Meadowes, Remus Lupin, Emmeline Vance, and the Vane twins, Helle and Phrixus. 

“All in all, a satisfactory morning, students. Twenty more points to Ravenclaw, and ten more points to Gryffindor.” Sirius stared dejectedly at his slightly pointier silver-colored matchstick. Maybe he could ask Lupin for help later. 

“Now, seeing as we have a few minutes left, I’d like to explain the concept of soulmates to you all,” McGonagall said matter-of-factly, shuffling a stack of papers. Murmurs rippled through the room, and quieted when she raised a hand. “Now, for those students who are Muggle-born, the concept of soulmates may come as a shock to you. Essentially, we have all been blessed with the magical ability to see any form of ink that appears on our soulmate’s body. Many soulmates use this gift to communicate. Please be cognizant of the possible effects that having soulmates could have on people. It is not always… a pretty picture. There is much heartbreak. It is quite possible for anyone to have more than one soulmate, or even none at all. I am available after class and after lunch in my classroom if you have additional questions.”

With that, the class was over, and a few Ravenclaws, along with Evans and Macdonald, stayed behind to speak with Professor McGonagall.

“Well, that was interesting,” piped Peter, struggling to carry all of his books at once as they exited the classroom. James nodded brusquely, worrying at his elbow-length gloves as they walked to Herbology with the Ravenclaws. Sirius felt sick, and he found an odd sort of comfort in Remus, who wasn’t speaking either. They walked side by side to the greenhouse, bags swishing between them as they heard Helle Vane and Emmeline Vance gossip about who was more attractive: Adrian Fawcett or Benjy Fenwick. Sirius found himself thinking ‘Fawcett’ before his mind could catch up with the logic: that he was a boy, and boys were supposed to like girls.

* * *

Professor Sprout, wanting more Inter-House Unity, had split up the students into groups of three before they even got there. The notice was posted at the door of the greenhouse.

_Hello, class! Please divide yourselves into the groups below and gather accordingly._

_Group 1: Davidson, Lupin, McLaggen  
Group 2: Edgecombe, Macdonald, Fenwick  
Group 3: Fawcett, Black, Montgomery  
Group 4: Evans, Johnson, Patil  
Group 5: McKinnon, Stebbins, P. Vane  
Group 6: Meadowes, Potter, Vance  
Group 7: Pettigrew, Turner, H. Vane_

_Best,  
Professor Sprout_

The Ravenclaws and Gryffindors shrugged before opening the greenhouse door and filing in. Professor Sprout had labeled sections of the room off in numbers from 1-7, and the students ‘gathered accordingly,’ exchanging introductions. 

Evans, Macdonald, and the Ravenclaws who had stayed behind to talk to McGonagall rushed in just before Professor Sprout was about to start class. 

“Morning, all! Today we’ll be learning about Devil’s Snare. Now, who here can tell me the spell used to combat Devil’s Snare?” The Vane twins’ hands instantly shot up, and Professor Sprout chanced a look at her roll call and hesitantly called out, “Phrixus?” 

Phrixus, a Mediterranean-looking boy with olive eyes and dark hair spoke. “I believe _Lumos_ can be used, Professor.” His sister’s hand was still in the air, and Professor Sprout called on her. 

“ _Incendio_ is also a charm that can be used,” Helle said confidently, her curly black hair twisted into a messy braid. 

“Both are correct! Five points to Ravenclaw, Mr. and Ms. Vane,” Professor Sprout said with a pleased smile. The twins beamed. “Now, you will all practice the _Lumos_ incantation at a pot of Devil’s Snare with your group members. We don’t want to kill the plant, only scare it-- that’s why we are refraining from using _Incendio_ this time,” she chuckled, placing her gloved hands on her hips. “Now, off to work!”

* * *

How in Godric’s name was Marlene McKinnon supposed to concentrate on schoolwork when two attractive Ravenclaws were smiling at her and subsequently gazing at a plant in deep concentration? The short answer was that she was not. But she powered through her blushes, mixed up which incantation to use, and shot off a powerful _Incendio_ towards her group’s Devil’s Snare. Blaze Stebbins looked impressed, and Phrixus Vane looked a cross between awed and horrified. Professor Sprout, on the other hand, looked as though she was in between congratulating her for such a powerful and effective spell or crying over the loss of her beloved plant. 

“One point to Gryffindor!” she eventually chirped, heading over to observe the other students’ progress.

Marlene grinned at the two boys with a shrug. “Oops,” she laughed.

* * *

Peter Pettigrew was having… a spot of trouble. His group members, Helle Vane and Horatius Turner, were incredibly intimidating. Vane had a sort of wild, knowledgeable intensity about her, and Turner was cool and calculating and barely spared a glance in his direction. The both of them had managed powerful _Lumos_ incantations within minutes, and Peter was struggling to even remember the wand movement. 

“It’s just a quick flick of the wrist,” Helle Vane said impatiently, grabbing his arm and demonstrating. “Like _this_ ,” she said, and she moved his arm for him. Sparks erupted from his wand and they all ducked, wincing as it shattered a pot across the table. 

“Maybe let Professor Sprout demonstrate that instead,” Turner said callously. Helle smacked his arm.

Peter decided it would be best to sit down, and he tucked his wand back inside his robes and waited for Professor Sprout to help him. 

* * *

“Oh dear,” Professor Sprout said as she heard something break. “Excellent work, boys,” she said as she scurried off to aid Pettigrew. 

Sirius, Fawcett, and Montgomery had all succeeded in casting a simple _Lumos_ , and were now inspecting the various other plants in the greenhouse. 

Montgomery stopped once they were out of earshot of the class, and swiveled to face Sirius and Fawcett. “So, you’re a Black.” It wasn’t posed as a question, and Sirius felt himself growing defensive. 

“Yeah. What’s it to you?” 

Adrian Fawcett was suddenly very interested in a plant on a higher shelf. 

“Oh, nothing. Just heard about how you all torture Muggles for fun,” Montgomery continued in a sharp tone, stepping forward. 

Sirius’ eyebrows drew together in confusion and anger. “We don’t do that. I suggest you do your research before attacking my family,” he said. A weird feeling surfaced to his throat at the prospect of defending his family. He swallowed past it.

Before he could think, Montgomery was pushing him against a wall with his hand around his throat. Sirius was suddenly reminded of the last time this had happened, and began to hyperventilate, shaking and gasping for air. 

_His father his father his father and his hand tightening and tightening, bruises and not breathing and bloody fingernails and blood on the floor in his mouth and pounding in his head and eyes and ears and mouth and Regulus screaming and him screaming and Kreacher’s magic holding him down and his mother’s laughter and toujours pur toujours pur toujours pur-_

“Sirius? Focus on my breathing. In and out, okay? You’re okay.”

After what seemed like ages, he was able to regain control of himself, and slowly realized he was sitting on the floor of the greenhouse. Adrian Fawcett knelt in front of him, his blonde curls framing his concerned blue eyes perfectly. Sirius dimly wondered if his hair was as soft as it looked. With a jolt, Sirius pushed him away, breathing heavily, his face hot.

“S-sorry,” he mumbled, biting his lip.

Adrian shook his head with a smile. “Just wanted to make sure you were alright. Nothing to apologize about,” he said, sitting down beside Sirius. He could feel the other boy’s body heat-- they were practically touching from shoulder to hip.

“Why did you help me?” Sirius said quietly, his grey eyes staring directly into Adrian’s clear blue ones. 

“Because it was the right thing to do,” he said simply, reaching up to touch Sirius’ cheek. Sirius flinched at the movement. “Sorry- just-” he wiped his thumb underneath Sirius’ eyes. “You were crying.” 

Their eyes met again. Fawcett leaned in, and Sirius stood up suddenly. “Sorry I’ve- I’ve got to go. Going to be late for lunch,” he said, and scrambled as quickly as he could out of the room.

* * *

James Potter and Dorcas Meadowes were chatting with Emmeline Vance, their partner for Herbology, when Sirius Black stumbled out of the greenhouse and joined them. 

“Alright, Black?” Meadowes asked, and James watched as Sirius straightened his back and gave her a charming grin. 

“Better than ever,” he replied smoothly. “How’s a spot of lunch sound?” 

Meadowes and Vance were unfortunately going to go study in the library, so that left James and Sirius to their own devices. They walked with the girls until they reached the stairway, then waved their goodbyes before entering the Great Hall. 

James and Sirius plopped dramatically onto the benches. There weren’t many people here yet, which was nice. “So, Sirius, I’ve been thinking about our possible first prank. Of course it’s got to be against Snivelly,” he said, piling chicken onto his plate. Sirius nodded, serving himself a few vegetables and beginning to eat. 

“Completely agree,” he said after swallowing a piece of broccoli.

James frowned. “Is that all you’re eating? Here, have some chicken,” he said, taking a drumstick and putting it on Sirius’ plate. Sirius looked at the meat as if it was foreign. 

“This is like… a lot of food, James. How do you expect me to eat all of this?”

James couldn’t believe his ears. A drumstick was barely anything! “Suit yourself, I guess. I’ve got snacks in my trunk if you need it later,” he said with a smile. “But try to eat as much as you can, we’ve gotta be strong for those Quidditch tryouts I was telling you about last night, remember?” 

Sirius groaned. “Fine, I’ll try to eat some of it,” he grimaced.

James was pleased as he saw his friend eat the chicken, and the two of them schemed about their prank for the rest of lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Why are the older families like the Blacks against soulmates?_
> 
> The older families believe in blood purity, and to them, soulmates are less important than that.
> 
> _How do their parents know tho that Sirius’ soulmate is a half-blood??_
> 
> This was a mistake on my end! I meant to write 'half-breed.' It is now fixed.


	8. learning curve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first years continue their day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all! there's no trigger warnings in this chapter. enjoy!
> 
> also, some people were confused about why lily thinks remus is her soulmate. this is because she got a papercut, and saw remus' finger bleeding at the same time (of course, she didn't know that sirius' family owl bit his hand).

After a quick sandwich in the Great Hall, Remus made his way down to the dungeons for double Potions with the Slytherins. Peter Pettigrew talked his ear off as the two of them walked down the increasingly cold passageways. Remus nodded politely and agreed with him at the correct intervals, his fatigue catching up to him. The full moon was this Sunday, and he wasn’t too keen on having his first transformation away from his home in three days. 

Peter and Remus filed into class, sitting together in the middle row of chairs in front of Sirius and James. Remus noticed that Evans was sitting with a hooked-nose Slytherin, the two of them looking far more thrilled at the prospect of Potions than the rest of the class. Sirius was busy muttering nasty comments about a “Snivellus” to James, and the two didn’t try to hide their cackles. Remus decided he would try his best to ignore the two troublemakers, and work on actually understanding the material.

“Good afternoon, class!” a rather portly man with straw-colored hair said in a hushed tone, appearing from a back room Remus hadn’t even noticed. 

“Good afternoon, Professor,” the students responded automatically. Lily Evans was the only one to smile at him, and the Professor beamed back.

“I am Professor Slughorn. Now, I’m sure you all have heard a bit about Potions! Or maybe not, considering some of you may rather be waving your wands around,” he chuckled jovially, waving his hand in a ‘nevermind’ expression. He let out a small sigh as he sank into a plush armchair behind a desk. Remus met his eye-- was that a flicker of distrust in the older man’s eyes? He blinked, and his wide smile returned. Remus glanced down to his blank parchment.

He tried to force the oddity from his mind-- perhaps it was just a trick of the light, or maybe he had startled the Professor somehow. Professor Slughorn went on to talk about the potion they were brewing, with a lot of added commentary about his former star pupils (and one “truly horrendous” one, which Remus took to assume was Marlene McKinnon’s older brother by the way she blushed angrily as he described him). Remus tried valiantly to understand the different amounts of ingredients and ways to cut roots and how many counter-clockwise turns to make, but he and Peter were floundering by the time Professor Slughorn made his way over to their cauldron. 

“Too much wormwood, I would think,” he said, his round spectacles slipping down his nose. He pushed it up with a pudgy finger. “Would you agree with that assessment, Mr. Lupin?” 

Remus was surprised to be addressed directly, but composed himself. “Er… yes?” he said, scratching the back of his neck anxiously. 

Slughorn raised an eyebrow, his expression amused. “Is that a question or a statement? Mr. Pettigrew, what do you think?” 

“Uh, statement, sir,” Peter squeaked, his face turning red. 

Remus felt a sharp poking at his back as Slughorn momentarily turned and he swiveled around quickly, watching Sirius prodding at him with his wand. He glared at his roommate. “What,” he hissed under his breath.

“Add a quarter cup of sage and stir clockwise for two minutes,” he said quickly, getting back to his potion with an air of innocence as Professor Slughorn turned towards Remus again. 

Remus raised his eyebrows in disbelief, but decided to listen to Sirius. After all, his and James’ potion was the correct color, and their consistency was getting there.

“Well, I’ll leave you chaps to it,” Professor Slughorn beamed, his eyes glinting with something like anticipation. Peter was shaking at the prospect of having to fix their potion, and Remus muttered that he would be back as he went to get the sage. 

“Slughorn’s not mad, Pete!” he heard James say as he came back with a quarter cupful. 

“I bet he’s furious,” Sirius deadpanned, stirring his potion lazily. 

Remus sighed wearily and rolled his eyes. “Ignore him, Peter. He’s just trying to rile you up.” He shot Sirius a withering glare, and was just met with a cocky grin. 

Merlin, this was going to be a long seven years.

* * *

Marlene McKinnon had had a dreadful time with potions. “I suppose it really is a McKinnon trait, then, to not understand a shred of it. Absolute bollocks,” she grumbled as the class filed out the door. Mary Macdonald gasped at her filthy mouth, covering her ears. Lily giggled, and Dorcas rolled her eyes with a grin. Black and James had evidently heard her on their way out the door, because they were cackling loudly. They both poked Marlene’s shoulders as they passed. 

“Marls! Don’t forget dinner,” James called hastily as he chased after Black, who had deftly stolen his tie and was sprinting down the corridor. Pettigrew was running after the pair, his face red, and Lupin was following them swiftly with an air of tired amusement about him.

Marlene rolled her eyes at James’ familiar antics and resumed her complaining to the girls. “Anyway, thanks, Evans. If it weren’t for you and Snape bickering over which ingredients to use, I would’ve made a right fool of myself,” she said.

“You mean more than you already did?” Mary teased, and Marlene elbowed her lightly. 

“If you want, we can all study together now,” Lily offered, trailing a fingertip against the cold stone walls in wonder as they ascended the stairs. 

“Eugh. As long as it’s not Potions, I’m good,” Marlene said with a groan. 

“That’s what you need help on, though,” Dorcas supplied unhelpfully. Marlene rolled her eyes. Lily and Mary nodded in agreement with Dorcas, grasping Marlene by her elbows and marching her up to Gryffindor Tower. Dorcas led the way with a grin, making sure that students steered clear of their path. 

As they got closer to the main halls, more students milled about, and Samuel McKinnon and his best friend Tiberius McLaggen were coming out of a classroom. Marlene spotted her brother with a groan. She already knew what was coming.

Sammy and Ty only had to exchange one look before they burst through the crowd. “Make way! Make way for the Gryffindor Girls!” they shouted, sending several second and first-years scattering. Their fellow third-years let out tired groans at their shouting. Prefects didn’t even attempt to interfere, used to their shenanigans. Some Slytherins scowled, but one of them shushed the others, subtly high-fiving Sam. He grinned at her. 

The four Gryffindor girls giggled as they were escorted to their Tower, very much pleased and embarrassed with all the attention. 

“Adieu, ladies,” Sam said with a grin, bowing deeply to let them gain entrance to the portrait hole. Marlene rolled her eyes as he endearingly ruffled each girl’s hair, and clambered inside to the common room. 

“Ta ta!” Ty said in an overly posh accent, laughing as he and Samuel raced off to most likely join Frank somewhere. 

“Your brother and his friend are a riot,” Mary said, her cheeks bright red as she fixed her hair. Marlene’s mouth dropped in horror. 

“No! Oh Merlin, don’t tell me you have _crushes_ on those gits,” she said, dropping her head in her hands. Lily and Dorcas laughed, Mary sputtering by the fire.

“Too early to be thinking about things like that anyway,” Lily dismissed, waving her hand. “I don’t understand all the fuss. Plus, don’t we have soulmates? Isn’t it... all planned out for us?” her cheeks tinged pink, and she plopped into a worn armchair, searching through her bag for homework to hide her blush.

“Yeah, but I bet Mary hopes good ol’ Sammy is her soulmate,” Dorcas teased, nudging her. 

Marlene groaned again. “Good Godric.”

“Hey, I mean, then we could be proper sisters,” Mary said, her face turning impossibly more red.

Marlene felt like she was about to scream before Mary’s words sank in. Another sister… and Mary, at that! She grinned. “Alright, good point. I suppose if my brother _had_ to be with someone, I’d want it to be you.”

The two grinned at each other before Dorcas plopped next to Marlene with a stern look and shoved her Potions textbook in the other girl’s lap. “Study this,” she said, pointing to the potion that they were due to study on Monday. 

“Do I have to?” Marlene sulked, glaring at her.

“Yes,” all three girls said simultaneously. 

“You have to if you want to pass this year, McKinnon. I didn’t take you for a slacker,” Dorcas said, one eyebrow perched higher than the other. 

Marlene felt scrutinized under her gaze, and wrenched the textbook closer to her. “I’m not!” she said indignantly. “I’ll pass. I’ll prove you wrong,” she said, unsure why she was so determined to.

Dorcas shrugged her shoulders, and Marlene couldn’t see how she was secretly pleased. “If you say so, then.” Marlene went immediately to studying, and Mary gave Dorcas a subtle approving nod from across the couch. 

* * *

Finally, dinner came, and Lily walked with the girls to the Great Hall. “I’ll be eating with Sev, so I’ll see you lot later!” she said with a grin, waving before making her way to the Slytherin table. 

“Bye, Evans!” the three of them called.

Lily spotted Severus in the center of the table, a bag draped on the seat next to him. When he spotted her, his face lit up into a smile and he moved the bag, gesturing for her to sit. 

“Hiya, Sev!” she said, sitting down happily. 

“Hi, Lily. How’d you like your first day of classes?”

“Oh, they were brilliant! Transfiguration was rather difficult, though Herbology was fun. And Potions was the best, ‘cause you were there,” she said with a smile. “What other classes did you have today?”

“History of Magic and Defense Against the Dark Arts,” he said excitedly. 

“Oh, wow! You’ve always loved Defense. Was it fun? What did you learn about?” Lily leaned forward, her elbows on the table. Across from her, a brutish-looking boy scowled at her, and she hesitantly leaned back, dropping her hands in her lap. 

“Don’t want to spoil the surprise, Lily,” Severus said with a teasing smile. 

Lily rolled her eyes happily. “You’re no fun,” she joked.

Sev shrugged and took a sip of his pumpkin juice. Lily did the same. For awhile, they chatted about Hogwarts, life at Spinner’s End and growing up, and Tuney, and James Potter and Sirius Black and all of the things they wanted to do when they were old.

“I’m going to have a little house, with a big tree and a swing on it just like when we grew up. And a little cat. What should I name him?” Lily tapped her chin thoughtfully.

“Hmm… definitely not James, that’s for sure,” Sev laughed, and Lily laughed too. 

“Definitely not,” she agreed. “Oh, well. I guess I’ll see when the time comes.”

“When the time comes,” Severus agreed, and the two of them grinned over their plates for the duration of dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be focused on sirius' dinner with his family and remus dealing with the full moon, among other things.
> 
> how are u liking the ocs?


	9. the letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sirius has dinner with his cousins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: threats from a parent (letter form), discussions of implied child abuse, self-deprecating thoughts, brief mention of blood (from a soulmate)
> 
> agh this is kind of a depressing chapter :(
> 
> ok enjoy <3 :,)

Sirius and his family sat at the Slytherin table, at the end furthest away from the teachers’ table. Andromeda was seated next to him, thankfully, and Narcissa sat across from him, Malfoy to her right. 

“Does _he_ have to be here? He’s not a Black,” Sirius said sullenly, crossing his arms. 

“Yes, because he’s my _fiancé_ ,” Narcissa said, enunciating each letter as if he was stupid. Sirius rolled his eyes, about to make a retort, but stopped when Andromeda nudged his foot with hers. 

“Stop bickering. It’ll get us nowhere,” she said, sighing heavily. She turned to Malfoy. “Lucius, I do think it’s best that you leave us for now. This is a… more delicate matter,” she said kindly, smiling. Cissa scowled, and Malfoy’s place twisted unpleasantly, but he nodded and rose from the table, moving further down to spend time with his other friends. 

Finally, the Black cousins were alone. 

“It won’t do you any good to be cruel to me,” Narcissa said before anyone else could speak, pointedly looking at Sirius. 

“I wasn’t-”

“It’s in your best interest, is all I’m saying.” 

Andromeda sent her a withering look. “What Cissa _means_ is that we’re going to help you. Isn’t that right, Cissy?” 

Narcissa was quiet for a moment before nodding, looking as though the movement was below her. “Yes. Contrary to what you may think, I do care for you. You are my cousin, after all.”

Sirius could barely breathe. Andromeda, he understood, but _Narcissa? Helping_ him? Willingly?

“Oh, don’t look so shocked. I have a heart, you know,” she said icily, cutting into her pot pie.

“Look, Sirius. Your mother and father are… frankly, they’re incredibly angry with you. That you were Sorted into Gryffindor. Narcissa and I understand. But… they seem to think you’ve… Tainted the family, somehow.” Sirius could see how painful it looked for Andromeda to say it. She obviously didn’t believe the same thing. 

“Well, I’ve been tainting it for awhile, I’m sure they’re not… furious,” he said, laughing nervously. He knew it wasn’t true, and so did his cousins. 

“You haven’t opened their letter yet, have you?” Narcissa asked bluntly.

Sirius shook his head.

Andromeda looked at him with something akin to concern, or pity. Or perhaps love. He didn’t know. Couldn’t differentiate. Those emotions hadn’t really been directed towards him that often.

“Best open it at night, then. It’s probably quite upsetting,” Cissa continued, wiping the corner of her mouth on her napkin.

Andromeda sighed again. “Sirius, Narcissa and I are willing to tell your parents false information about our dinner. They expected us to talk to you about the importance of blood purity, and Slytherin values, and all that nonsense-” Narcissa scoffed- “and they expect a report. But we want to tell them that you hate Gryffindor, even though you seem happy there. Personally, I think it’s nonsense that they care so much about you being in Slytherin, but we all know that’s not my call to make.”

Sirius had been thinking, and thinking, and thinking, and he became angry so suddenly it startled Narcissa. “No! I’m not lying about my values just so I don’t get an extra beating, Andy.”

She flinched. He continued, “I’m going to keep defying them, and hating them, and I hope you kill me if I ever agree with their blood-purist bullshit.”

Andromeda looked horrified. Narcissa buttered another roll. 

“Sirius, _please_ , I don’t want to see you get hurt again.” 

“I’m sorry, Andy, but they’re going to hurt me whether you like it or not. I appreciate the effort.” He stood up from the table. “And… I love you,” he said quietly, letting her hug him tightly. “I’m going to go,” he said, his voice tight. He didn’t want her to see him cry. 

The last thing he heard before he fled the table was, “I love you, Sirius.”

His dinner sat, untouched, on his plate.

Sirius made his way up to Gryffindor Tower, glad everyone was at dinner. The perfect time to open the letter. He said the password to the Fat Lady- “ _Snuffaluffagus_ ,” before racing up the stairs to his room, ignoring some random couple snogging on the couch. He shut the door behind him, sitting on his bed and drawing the curtains tight around it.

With shaking hands, he reached into the pocket of his robes and pulled out the letter that had stayed there like an ominous raincloud all day. He slipped his finger under the wax seal, breaking it smoothly, and pulled out the page of thick parchment. He began to read.  
__

_September 2, 1971_

 _Sirius Orion Black,_

_Your father and I are most displeased to have heard of your recent Sorting. You have brought shame upon the family, and there will be severe consequences. Do not even think about staying at Hogwarts for the holidays. You are to come straight home._

_We do hope you will be wise in the decisions of your friends, and it is imperative that you surround yourself with respectable families such as the Malfoys, Rosiers, Crabbes, Flints, and Bulstrodes. If we catch wind of any cavorting with the wrong sort, there will be conversations to be had._

_We expect you to eat dinners with Andromeda and Narcissa Black each evening. Correspondence with Regulus Black has been denied until further notice._

_Do not forget your blood. You are a Black. Act like it._

_Toujours pur._

_Walburga Irma Black_

Sirius flung the letter as far away as he could before breaking down into silent sobs. Of course, the letter, being made of paper, only traveled a few inches before swooping back down to him again. He crumpled it up in his fists, letting the tears flow down his cheeks freely for a few moments before remembering. 

_Blacks don’t cry._

He curled up on his bed above the covers, his tear-stained face resting against his soft pillow comfortingly. Within a few moments, Sirius was asleep.

* * *

Remus Lupin didn’t show up to their dormitory that night, or the night after that, or the one after that. In fact, none of his roommates saw him until Tuesday morning in History of Magic, looking a bit worse for wear.

“Lupin, mate? What happened, are you alright?” James asked him in a quiet tone as Professor Binns droned on and on. Sirius watched him warily.

Remus waved him off. “Had to visit my Mum. She’s rather sick,” he said bluntly. 

James immediately dropped it. “Sorry, Remus. I hope she feels better soon.” He returned to his own parchment.

Sirius wished Remus’ mum was better, too. But he was more concerned about his soulmate, whoever she may be. He had woken up with blood all over his hands and chest that Sunday, and had hid in his four-poster with the curtains drawn for an hour or so until the blood had been washed away. 

He hoped he could help her somehow. But she had made it rather clear that she didn’t want him, not ever. _Just as well,_ he thought bitterly. _I’d probably do something horrible and mess everything up. Like I always do._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hated the abrupt ending but i needed to find some way to tie it in. im thinking of expanding more on remus' transformation, if that's something y'all would be interested in?? if not, im probably going to do a time skip of some sort (perhaps to the hols)


	10. attempts to understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> regulus & sirius have a conversation, and so do james and marlene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! im back!! finally submitted my u.s. college apps :)) time for the u.k. ones :0
> 
> regulus' soulmate writing is underlined, lily's is in bold.
> 
> cw: mentions of child abuse in this chapter, self-blaming, self-deprecating thoughts, defending an abuser, swearing

It was Christmas break, and Regulus felt like he was walking on eggshells every second. Sirius had already further angered their parents on the very first day by sticking up Gryffindor flags all over the walls, and had gotten a beating for it. 

So Regulus decided that he would stay out of the limelight as much as possible.

Thanks to the shouting matches, Regulus had shut himself away in his room for most of the day. He decided that now was as good a time as ever to try to communicate with his soulmate again. 

He wouldn’t lie, it was kind of strange to have a soulmate who supposedly had another one. He had cried about it (silently, of course, because _Blacks don’t cry_ ) in his room the night he had found out. After all, wasn’t his soulmate supposed to be perfectly matched with him? What had he done wrong? Was he not good enough for whoever his soulmate was?

He decided to have another go at the whole communication thing. His parents were occupied with Sirius, and so was Kreacher, so he grabbed a quill and ink and sat down at his desk, opening his journal and beginning an entry to appear inconspicuous if he heard footsteps on the staircase. He lifted up his shirt, his heart pounding in his head, and wrote quickly on his torso.

_ Hi. I can talk for a bit, if you’re there. _

He waited and waited and waited, gazing at his stomach so intensely that his neck began to cramp. Nothing appeared, and Regulus tugged down his shirt with a prickle in his eyes. Did his soulmate not want him? 

A thundering of footsteps up the stairs caused Regulus to quickly scribble in his notebook, before he heard the door of the room next to him slam shut. He let out a sigh, and waited for a few minutes before carefully capping his inkpot and walking over to Sirius’ room. 

He knocked softly. “Sirius? Can I come in?”

“Go away, Reg,” a muffled voice sounded from inside, and Regulus faltered for a moment before he opened the door. 

The sight that greeted him was frightening. Sirius was lying on his bed, a dark bruise forming on his cheek in the shape of a handprint. When he heard the door open, he scowled.

“I thought I told you to go away.”

Regulus stepped inside the room, closing the door quietly behind him. “No,” he said confidently. “I’m not going away.” Instead, he made his way to Sirius’ bed, sitting down next to him. “You’re hurt,” he remarked, gesturing to Sirius’ face, where he could see streaks of blood on his cheek. Probably from their mother’s rings. Regulus had been on the receiving end of them a few times, but not nearly as much as Sirius had.

“Yeah, well isn’t that a surprise,” Sirius responded snarkily, turning his back to Regulus. “Just go away. You didn’t seem to care when you heard me screaming the other day.” 

Regulus swallowed past the guilt that was bubbling up in his throat. “Sirius, I- I’m sorry, really. I just-”

“Just what?” Sirius interrupted him, his voice cold. “What, you didn’t want to get yelled at too?”

_Yes._

“No,” he said instead. 

Sirius scoffed. “Whatever. I don’t care. Just go back to your room and write or draw or do whatever it is you do,” he said. 

Regulus swallowed a lump in his throat and ran away from his brother. 

He didn’t go back to his room to draw, though. He went back to his room, and opened up the false cabinet he had in his desk that his Uncle Alphard had given him and Sirius when they were young. In this false cabinet, he kept his favorite and necessary things. Among those things was a tin of dittany. 

Clutching it close to his chest, he peered around his bedroom door to make sure his parents and Kreacher weren’t near before opening Sirius’ door once again.

A pillow hit him in the head, and he scowled, fixing his hair. “Stop being stupid, Sirius,” he said, crossing the room and sitting on the bed again. Sirius, who looked positively enraged, shoved him off of it. 

Regulus landed on the hardwood floor with a resounding thump. “Ow,” he said quietly. Sirius rolled his eyes, but something in them flickered. 

“What do you want, then?” he said quietly, looking down at his covers. 

“To help,” he said simply, uncapping the dittany and scooping a small amount onto his fingers. “Hold still.”

Sirius allowed his younger brother to apply the healing salve to his face, clenching his jaw. 

As Regulus worked, he spoke. “I know I wasn’t there when you needed me to be. But… I’m here now, okay? I don’t know why you have to anger Mother and Father so much. Just take down the posters, Sirius. They won’t yell at you anymore.”

Sirius’ hand gripped Regulus’ thin wrist tightly, wrenching it away from his face. There was fire in his eyes, anger, disappointment. Regulus decided that he hated this expression.

“Are you kidding me? Take down my posters? You really think that would change something? In what world would Mother and Father not hate me? Let’s face it, the only reason I’m still alive right now is because they haven’t found a creative enough way to do it without getting caught.”

“You’re wrong,” Regulus said firmly. “They love you. This is just their way of showing it.”

Sirius laughed, and it was cold, and Regulus hated it even more than the expression he had worn seconds ago. “ _Love_ me? If this is love, then I hate it. You’re delusional if you believe that, Reggie.”

“Fine, then!” He tore his wrist out of his brother’s grasp, feeling hot tears stinging his eyes. He recapped the dittany and stepped away. “I won’t help you. I won’t help someone who calls me delusional! Mother and Father never say that to me-”

“Just get out,” Sirius said angrily, throwing another pillow at him. This time, Regulus fell over from the force of it. He clutched the dittany to his chest and ran away, feeling the tears slip down his cheeks. 

This time, when he went back to his room, he did draw, and write, and do whatever it is he did during the day, expelling all thoughts of Sirius and Mother and Father and love and soulmates from his mind.

* * *

James Potter felt awful about ignoring his newest soulmate. He had awoken multiple times to scribbles on his forearms of grocery lists, scrawls on his legs of ‘ ** _why won’t you talk to me?_** ,’ and one frowny face before his soulmate stopped writing. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to whoever they may be, it’s that he cared more about protecting his other soulmate. He hadn’t spoken to his parents about it, because they would just hug him and tell him things like, “All in due time, Jamie,” or, “You’re so strong, love,” which was comforting, but it wasn’t what he needed at the moment. 

So he rang Marlene McKinnon’s doorbell.

Her little sister, Annette, arrived at the door. “Hiya, James,” she said, popping a piece of Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum in his face. He flinched back a bit. “Can I help you?”

“Hey, Annie,” he said pleasantly, after he had recovered. “Is Marlene home?” 

“Yup,” she said, welcoming him inside, before shouting in an ear-splitting shriek, “MARLENE! JAMES IS HERE FOR YOU!” 

James winced, and various shouts came from inside the house. Sam came down the stairs in an oversized sweater and shorts, and high-fived James. “Hey, Jamie,” he nodded to him as he journeyed to the kitchen. 

After about two minutes of listening to Annette yammer on and on about a cat she had rescued from an alley, Marlene came waltzing down the stairs, putting her long blonde hair up into a ponytail. 

“Annie, stop pestering him,” she frowned, waving her little sister away as she plopped on the couch. Annette frowned and sulked off. “Well? You gonna sit or what?” Marlene asked, petting the empty spot next to her.

James fiddled with the hem of his shirt awkwardly. “Um. I was thinking, could we go upstairs? It’s kind of… a private conversation,” he said, biting his lip. Samuel let out a loud, girlish, “oooo!” from the kitchen, and Marlene rolled her eyes at him before loudly calling him a wanker.

“Yeah, ‘course,” she said with a bright grin, and led the way up to her room. They immediately laid on her bed together, side by side, as they had always done, looking at the charmed stars on the ceiling that Marlene’s father had hung up for them one summer. 

“What’s wrong, James?” Marlene’s voice permeated the silence.

He sighed. “Well, I- it’s about my soulmate,” he began. Marlene nodded cautiously. “I have two,” he said bluntly, and his friend let out an excited gasp. 

“Two? What? How is that even _possible_?” 

“I have no idea,” he confessed. “I just feel so confused. I don’t want to hurt my first soulmate… I mean, you know what happens if I write accidentally,” he began, and Marlene nodded sadly, “but I’m hurting my other soulmate by not writing. I don’t know what to do, Marls. I’m only eleven, I shouldn’t have to be worrying about stuff like this,” he said, biting his lip to keep from crying. 

Marlene knocked her head against his shoulder comfortingly. “I don’t know what to say, Jamie, I mean… that sounds really hard. Maybe if the first soulmate writes to you, you can use that opportunity to explain it to the other one?”

James thought for a moment before shaking his head and resting it on hers. “That would be invading the first one’s privacy… I dunno. This is all so bloody complicated,” he said, his voice wavering. Marlene reached down to squeeze his hand tightly.

“Bollocks,” she sighed, letting the silence consume them for a moment. “I guess all you can do is meet them in person, at Hogwarts. Then all of this can be cleared up,” she said rationally.

James had tears on his cheeks now, and closed his eyes before saying, “Sometimes... sometimes I just wish I didn’t have a soulmate at all. I feel like an awful person, Marlene. People say it’s a blessing to have two soulmates, but it feels like a curse,” he said.

Marlene sat up, and so did he, and they hugged, tightly, anchoring each other to the stupid world around them. “You deserve love, Jamie,” she said quietly, drawing away from him and looking into his eyes determinedly. “I know things are confusing now, but soulmates were created for a reason. We’re eleven! This should be the time of our life. It’s alright if you put your soulmates on hold,” she said with an encouraging grin, and James nodded before nodding weakly. 

“You’re right, Marls,” he said, letting a small laugh escape his lips. “Gotta focus on the present.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading!!! let me know what you think :) 
> 
> it is literally so hard to think about things from an 11 year old's perspective LMAO
> 
> i love the mckinnons :,)


	11. ted tonks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james talks to his soulmates. extended black family dinner drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god this chapter physically WOUNDED me
> 
> _james' soulmate writing is in italics_  
>  **  
>  _lily's is in bold italics_  
> **  
>   
>  _regulus' is in underlined italics_  
> 
> 
> _a note on the black family: lucretia and orion are siblings, and walburga, alphard, and cygnus are siblings. they are all cousins._
> 
> **cw: sexism, implied child abuse, discussion of abuse, alcohol**

James’ plan with Marlene fell through when he got home that night. As he pulled off his shirt to get ready for bed, he noticed familiar, curving letters on his stomach. In his excitement, he knocked over several books on his bedside table.

“James? Alright?” his father called from downstairs. 

“Just fine, Dad!” he yelled back, turning on a reading lamp to inspect the words.

_Hi. I can talk for a bit, if you’re there._

He hurriedly grabbed for a quill and ink. 

_hi!!!! I’m here!!! are you alright? I was getting worried about you_

James watched his stomach intensely, and decided after a few minutes that staring at his flesh wasn’t going to make the words appear quicker. He opened his favorite Quidditch magazine to pass the time, checking his stomach every so often.

When he checked, though, it wasn’t in the handwriting he had grown accustomed to.

_**Since when do you care if I’m alright? You’ve been ignoring me for weeks.** _

James bit his lip, trying to formulate a reply when words began flowing over his skin, overlapping with the new handwriting a bit.

_I’m okay. You?_

He smiled a bit at the response. Short and sweet. 

_OKay, I do care if you’re alright, #2. wasn’t ignoring u on purpose. & #1, i’m alright. Glad u can finally talk :)_

_**#2?!?! What the hell ??** _

_ oh. Am I #1, then? That’s cool. :) _

_sorry, needed a way to differentiate… you both sound rad :))_

_#2, your grocery lists concern me -- who buys whole packages of tuna??_

**_They’re for my cats, you dolt._ **

_ Mother doesn’t let us eat tuna. _

_I wish you could talk to each other too._

_ Mother would be more upset. _

_Your mum sucks, 1._

_**harsh...** _

_It’s the truth, 2_

_ No. She loves me. Got to go. _

_Please don’t leave again_

_Please be safe_

_**????** _

But there was no other reply. James watched helplessly as #1’s words slowly faded off of his skin. 

**_I guess you’re gone again. Bye, then._ ** __

_bye_

James turned, and sobbed into his pillow. 

* * *

It was Andromeda Black’s sixth year at Hogwarts. Her sixth Christmas holiday with her family. She decided now was as good a time as any to introduce them to her soulmate.

She had heard talks of finding an arranged marriage for her since she was thirteen. It wasn’t a secret, really-- her parents had wanted to marry her off to Ryker Flint, a Slytherin who was two years her junior, since he had started at Hogwarts. Andromeda found the whole thing utterly revolting. 

She knew without a shadow of a doubt that her parents would not approve of her soulmate. He was not only in Ravenclaw, but he was a Muggle-born. 

But Andromeda Black loved Ted Tonks with all her heart, and she would be damned if she let her family stand in the way of their love. 

So it was Christmas Eve, and Andromeda was nervous. She had told Ted to meet her in the park by her relative’s home, because even if she showed him the slip of paper that said where her aunt and uncle lived, he would be dead by the time he tried to get past the blood wards. 

She was dressed lavishly, much to her distaste, in a long, form-fitting black silk gown. Heavy but tasteful diamonds hung from her ears, and her dark, simple eye makeup was bold against her pale skin. A “female version” of the Black family ring was perched daintily on her ring finger, glittering evilly in the candlelight of her family home. Andromeda thought the whole ensemble was a charade and completely sexist. After all, the male members of the family didn’t have to wear clothes that showed off every curve and angle of their body. _They_ weren’t forced to look like sex appeal every second. 

“You three look very nice,” sniffed her mother as the Black sisters lined up in the living room. Bellatrix was commandeering an extremely tight dark green dress, her décolletage exposed a bit too untastefully. Narcissa was dressed in a flowy dark grey dress with a high neckline that complimented her prim features. All three were clad in expensive, murder-tainted jewels, and had their nails manicured in the same shade of oily green.

“Thank you, Mother,” Narcissa responded politely, while Bellatrix looked smug and Andromeda wrinkled her nose slightly. 

Their father Cygnus nodded his head in appreciation, and held his arm out for his wife Druella to take. The three sisters followed them out the door of their home, and walked a ways down the street in their dress shoes before Apparating to the park by 12 Grimmauld Place. 

Ted Tonks, who was dressed in his father’s dress coat, had been wringing his hands anxiously. Narcissa’s eyes widened as she recognized him, but the rest of the family simply sneered at him without another thought. Andromeda hung back a bit, kissing him quickly before her family could see. “Thanks for coming,” she said with a smile, “let’s hope this goes well.”

“Me too. And Merlin, you look beautiful,” he said with a grin, “though I’m sure you hate it,” he said with a laugh. Andromeda grinned. He knew her so well. At Ted’s odd noise of laughter, the Black family turned to look at them, and realized Andromeda was with him.

“Andromeda. Leave that ruffian alone and get over here this instant,” Cygnus snapped. 

“This _ruffian_ is my boyfriend, and soulmate, Edward Tonks,” she said defiantly, grasping her hand in his own tightly. Ted nodded and smiled at them. 

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Black. Bellatrix. Narcissa,” he said pleasantly, nodding to each one of them in turn.

Bellatrix, Cygnus, and Druella looked like they were about to have an aneurysm. Narcissa was looking at Andromeda with a look of horror.

“Ted will be having dinner with us,” Andromeda continued in a level tone, clutching onto his hand tighter. Ted squeezed back. “Well, let’s get going then,” she said, smirking at her parents and hurriedly passing them with Ted. 

They passed the blood wards easily (as long as Ted was accompanied by a member of the family with their consent, he could get past them), and Andromeda knocked on the door of 12 Grimmauld Place. The rest of the Blacks trailed behind wordlessly. Druella and Cygnus were fuming. Bellatrix looked like she needed to blow off some steam by hexing Sirius. Narcissa looked like she had seen a ghost and needed to cry about it to Lucius. 

Andromeda was scared, but incredibly pleased. She felt especially bold, so she kissed Ted’s cheek before the door opened. 

Aunt Walburga stood there, her initial polite smile replaced with a look of abject horror. “Who is _that_?” she gasped, stepping away from the door in shock. 

“I’m Andromeda’s soulmate,” Ted said with a smirk, masking his fear with suavity. 

“Thanks for letting us in, Auntie!” Andromeda said cheerily, taking advantage of her aunt’s horror to step inside and pull Ted in after her. 

“We are as shocked as you are, Walburga,” Cygnus said to his older sister stiffly. 

Walburga nodded mutely, and gestured them in with widened eyes, shutting the heavy door closed behind them. “Ignatius and Lucretia are already here. I believe Alphard should arrive in a few moments.” No sooner had she spoken when a loud knocking boomed on the door. Narcissa opened it to reveal Uncle Alphard, a tall, wiry man with a thick black beard and a large smile. 

“Narcissa! How lovely to see you. And the rest of you, of course,” he said jovially, his blue eyes sparkling behind his glasses.

“Hello, little brother,” Walburga said with a strained smile. 

“Ah, and here’s _my_ little brother. Cygnus, always hiding,” he laughed, tipping his top hat to Druella and Bellatrix as he moved further into the house. 

The rest of the family followed him uncomfortably. 

They made their way into the sitting room, where Andromeda and Ted were chatting animatedly with Sirius. Regulus sat stiffly on the edge of an armchair, eyeing Ted curiously. He quickly averted his gaze when he heard his family members come in.

“Uncle Alphard!” Andromeda and Sirius said excitedly in unison, and Regulus smiled at the tall man. The three kids stood up, letting their uncle come to them so as not to anger their parents. Sirius scowled as Walburga glared at him when he received a hug from his favorite uncle. Regulus fixed his hair after Uncle Alphard had ruffled it. Andromeda looked pleased when Alphard shook Ted’s hand and told the both of them that he was very happy for them.

“Ah, we’re all here,” Lucretia Prewett said with a pleasant smile as she walked into the room with her husband Ignatius and brother Orion. Orion gazed at Alphard distrustfully, watching as the family nodded to each other. 

Lucretia and Ignatius gave each of the kids a different thoughtful gift, which Narcissa and Bellatrix denied, saying they were too old for it. Andromeda rolled her eyes at her younger sister and graciously accepted the gift. 

As they made their way to the dining table, Lucretia hung back to speak with Andromeda and Ted. “Andromeda, who’s this young man?” she asked her, her black eyes curious. 

Andromeda blushed, turning to Ted before turning back to her aunt. “This is my soulmate, Edward Tonks,” she said with a shy smile. Lucretia and her husband, as well as Alphard, had always been kinder than the rest of her aunts and uncles. 

“You know, I’m lucky enough to have married my soulmate,” she said with a kind smile, and Andromeda blushed furiously while Ted just looked pleased. “Of course, it was helped by the fact that Ignatius is from a ‘respectable family,’ but… I did know a Tonks when I was growing up, and he was very kind,” she said, her eyes twinkling as she nodded towards Ted in acceptance. 

“Thank you, ma’am,” Ted said with a hopeful smile, and Lucretia waved him off. 

“Please, Edward, call me Lucretia. You make me feel old,” she said with a laugh, and Andromeda and Ted smiled at this recent development.

“Well, then, you can call me Ted.”

Kreacher had to conjure an extra chair for Ted, and Andromeda gritted her teeth when she realized it was a rickety, old one from the kitchen. “Swap with me,” she said loudly, shooting Ted a smile before sitting in the uncomfortable chair. She would _not_ let her relatives win tonight.

Of course, her parents and aunts and uncles found the mere idea of Andromeda sitting in a chair that a house-elf had sat in _completely_ preposterous, so they got the _actual_ extra chair out of a closet, and Andromeda tried not to look too pleased as both she and Ted got to sit on a comfortable dining chair. 

Sirius looked proud of her from across the table, and Regulus kept shooting curious looks over to Ted. Bellatrix looked as though she couldn’t wait to hex the daylights out of her oldest cousin. Narcissa was still horrified, but now looked sad, as though she would rather be with Malfoy than her family. Andromeda didn’t blame her, not one bit. 

As they were eating, Lucretia had had maybe just a _tad_ too much wine, and had begun telling a story about her other niece and nephews. “Molly, Fabian, and Gideon-- oh, they’re so charming, Bella, I believe Fabian and Gideon were in your year? You know, Molly married a Weasley-- the oldest son of Cedrella, oh, Cedrella, she really was _quite_ lovely, what a pity she was blasted off the tree--”

“ _BLOOD TRAITOR!_ SHE WAS A BLOOD TRAITOR, AND ANDROMEDA WILL BE TOO IF SHE MARRIES THAT TONKS _SCUM_ ,” shrieked Walburga, red-faced and livid. She had stood up from the table, and was pointing directly at Ted, who had gone as white as a sheet. Andromeda flinched at her aunt’s tone and gripped Ted’s hand tightly. 

“Walburga! Calm _down_ ,” Alphard said, his eyes wide. Ignatius and Lucretia were gaping like a pair of fish. Druella and Cygnus were like matching statues. Regulus and Narcissa looked terrified, while Sirius looked scared and concerned and Bellatrix-- Bellatrix was just grinning like a maniac.

“Do _not_ tell my wife to calm down,” Orion hissed, and Druella and Cygnus shared a look. 

“You mean _cousin_ ,” Sirius muttered, and Orion whirled on him. Sirius paled. Orion gripped his son’s arm tightly and yanked him out of the room. 

Andromeda had to fight back the urge to throw up when she heard a scream and then a loud and clear _Silencio_ from the hallway. 

“ _Walburga!_ ” Alphard gasped, horrified, “ _Do_ tell me you are not harming those boys,” he said, and Lucretia and Ignatius nodded along with him.

“My house, _my rules_ ,” Walburga snarled, and pointed at Regulus so quickly he flinched. “To your room. No detours. Do not visit Sirius.” Regulus scurried off quickly, not even sending so much as a backward glance to his relatives. “Besides, it’s just a bit of discipline.”

“ _A bit of discipline?_ ” Alphard argued, enraged. “Cygnus, tell me that you do not treat your daughters that way.”

Cygnus opened his mouth to respond, but Narcissa spoke before he could. “Not to worry, Uncle Alphard. Father and Mother treat us _far_ too kindly. And Andromeda is the only one who gets in trouble anyway. Clearly.”

Druella sent her daughter an appraising nod as Bellatrix leveled Alphard with a glare. “Sirius deserves it, anyway. He is constantly misbehaving,” she said cruelly, a smirk playing at her lips. Walburga smiled at her favorite niece. 

“Thank you for being the voice of reason, Bellatrix.”

“I think I’ll have to take Lucretia home. A bit too much drink…” Ignatius said awkwardly after a bit of silence where Alphard and Walburga were glaring at each other in a silent face-off. 

Orion still had not returned.

Ted and Andromeda were still holding hands under the table, watching the scene in front of them with horror.

“I’m leaving as well,” Alphard said calmly, getting up from the table. “Andromeda, I wish you the best. Walburga, Cygnus, a _pleasure_ as always.” As he and the Prewett’s left the room, Andromeda could overhear him say to the couple, “I do hope that we can meet in less horrifying circumstances.”

“Well,” Druella said after the front door had closed. “Tonks, it is best if you leave.” 

“I’m going too,” Andromeda said immediately.

“No, you will stay here, and enjoy the holiday with your family,” Cygnus said firmly. 

“I’m walking him to the door, then,” she said, and stood up and pulled Ted out of the room before anyone could object.

Once they were outside, Andromeda broke down in tears, clutching onto Ted as if her life depended on it. He hugged her tightly, tears pricking at his own eyes, rubbing her back in large circles. 

“Shh, it’s alright, Dromeda,” he said, kissing her forehead. They sat down at the gate of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, which Andromeda frequently joked should be called the ‘Most Blood-Purist and Incestuous House of Black.’ 

“I’m-- Sirius, and Regulus, they shouldn’t have to deal with that-- and I want to _be with you,_ Ted,” she cried, and he nodded.

“I know, love, I promise, we’ll find a way. To… to be together, and to get Sirius and Regulus out of there. Once we’re of age, we can… we can get married,” he said firmly, and Andromeda’s tears stopped out of shock. She looked up at him. 

“Married?” she asked softly, a small smile breaking through her tears.

“Yes,” he said, kneeling down in front of her and taking her hand in his, “Andromeda Black, will you marry me?” 

A wide smile overtook her face, and she laughed, grasping the side of his face with her other hand. “Yes! Yes, Ted Tonks, I will marry you,” she said happily, and he beamed happily before pulling her into a kiss. 

After they pulled away, Ted was smiling bashfully. “I… have a ring. At home. It’s a bit shabby, and you won’t be able to wear it until you’re of age, because of your parents, but-”

“Oh, Ted, that doesn’t matter to me,” she said instantly, smiling at him. She loved him, and she would always love him. “I love you, and that’s what matters.”

“I love you too,” he said, and he wiped away her tears as best he could before they hugged again. “Now, go be with your relatives. Even if they are a bunch of pillocks," he frowned, "I don’t want you to be in trouble.” He smiled at her sweetly.

“Okay. Tell your parents I say hi,” she said, and watched him go before dashing up to him again. “Wait!” she said, her cheeks pink.

“What?” he said in an amused tone.

“Just- you forgot something,” she said, reaching up to intertwine her hands in his hair as she kissed him. 

“My favorite kind of something,” he said breathlessly, kissing her hand with a soft grin before he disappeared into the night. 

Andromeda danced in a circle and squealed excitedly before composing herself and making her way back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!!!! i really loved exploring the members of the black family.
> 
> the "tonks" that lucretia is referring to is one of ted's distant relatives, not his dad. ted is a muggle-born.


	12. anything from the trolley, dears?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the train ride back to hogwarts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i !! hate !! midterms !!
> 
> please enjoy,,,, i beg of you,,,,
> 
> cw: discussions of child abuse, mentions of child abuse, mentions of alcoholism

Platform 9 ¾ was bustling with families-- kids running around forgetting their trunk or owls or sweets, parents straightening collars and halfheartedly scolding their kids, and teenagers snogging in secluded corners. 

The Black family, however, stood apart from the chaos. People seemed to subconsciously give them a wide berth. Too-pale complexions and robes as dark as their hair stood out against the lingering holiday cheer from the other families. 

There was Andromeda, head held high, and an odd light in her eyes, as though she was hopeful for the future.

Narcissa, prim and proper as always, sniffing disdainfully at everything around her, eyes searching for her other half.

And their oldest sister Bellatrix, who had already graduated, but was only there with a cruel smile to pinch her oldest cousin’s arm hard enough to bruise. 

In front of Bellatrix was Sirius, who was wincing at his cousin’s pinches. He had tried to get out of her grip earlier, but a sharp slap from his mother and a hissing of, “behave yourself,” had caused him to attempt to stand still. 

Next to Sirius was Walburga, who was gripping his shoulder tightly, hissing in his ear every so often with a warning. 

Regulus, her youngest son, half-hid behind her leg before his father had pushed him forward with his silver-topped cane as if to say, ‘be proud of being a Black.’ 

Orion was stock-still, glaring at the happy families around them in disgust.

Cygnus and Druella had been occupied with something they had called, “research for a summer project,” so they did not accompany their daughters to the platform.

As the time to board the train neared, Walburga spoke. “Sirius. You will sit with your cousins on the train. Narcissa, I expect a full report by tomorrow morning.”

“Yes, Aunt Walburga.”

“Go, then. You are Blacks and purebloods, always remember that. _Toujours pur_ ,” Walburga said proudly.

“ _Toujours pur_ ,” Andromeda, Narcissa, and Sirius replied, one of them less mocking than the other two, and departed to the train. The three of them turned at the last possible moment to watch Regulus, who was determinedly staring at the ground.

“Come along, cousin,” Andromeda said softly, tugging Sirius by the sleeve of his elbow onto the train.

Meanwhile, Bellatrix sulked, glaring at Regulus when he flinched away from her in fear. Now that Sirius was on the train, she had to resort to tormenting house elves. Regulus was no fun-- he didn’t put up any sort of fight. Bellatrix preferred it when they were giving it their all. Kicking and screaming. It made her feel as though she had all the power in the world.

* * *

Sirius mutely followed Narcissa and Andromeda onto the train, the former of whom immediately spun to her older sister and little cousin and announced, “Now, I’m off to find Lucius. Just go away, I’ll tell Aunt Walburga that you sat with me,” she rolled her eyes, waving her hand impatiently at the two of them.

Andromeda, who detested the fact that her little sister had to give her orders, had been on thin ice since Christmas, and so had Sirius-- they were delighted by this change of plan. They watched as Narcissa flounced off into a compartment, and Andromeda turned to Sirius.

“Do you have friends to sit with? You can sit with me and Ted if you like,” she said kindly, placing a hand gently on his shoulder. He winced at the contact, and she frowned and drew her hand away. “Right. Sorry,” she said, biting her lip as though it would keep her from shedding a tear.

“I do, Andy, go have fun with your boyfriend,” Sirius attempted to grin at her, and then hugged her tightly around the middle. 

A small “oh,” escaped her lips, and she let out a grateful laugh, hugging him back gently so as not to agitate the Dark wounds on his back. “Sirius, love, remind me to share with you a bit of news when I am able to,” she said with a conspiratorial grin once he pulled away from her. 

He smiled up at her through wide, unblinking grey eyes, and nodded vigorously. 

“Alright, then. Be safe, little cousin,” she said, placing an endearing kiss on the top of his head and pressing an extra tin of dittany in his hand before he ran off with a tiny wave.

* * *

James looked up as his compartment door opened, revealing one Sirius Black. “Hey, mate!” he said with a grin, scooting over so Sirius could sit next to him.

“Hi,” Sirius said to James, unusually subdued. He slid a tin of something into his pocket, and before James could comment on it, the compartment door slid open again. 

“May I sit?” a tired voice said, and James found himself nodding. Remus Lupin walked in without another word and sat by the window across from them. He was incredibly pale, and had bags under his eyes. James saw a bandage peeking out of his shirt collar. 

Before he could ask if he was alright, the train started moving, and Remus pointedly looked out the window. Sirius was staring at his feet, as though he were somewhere else. 

James swallowed down a lump in his throat. He wasn’t used to this sort of tense silence. Over break, he and Marlene had gone flying around the hills every day and he had baked cookies with his parents on the weekends. 

He was sort of surprised that Remus had deigned to sit with them-- during the fall term, he had followed them around at a distance, as if he was expected to, exasperatedly sighing whenever they interrupted his reading at the breakfast table. James had heard Peter loudly say on more than one occasion that Lupin should have been Sorted into Ravenclaw instead. 

“So, erm, how was your break? Do anything exciting, then?” he broke the silence after a few minutes.

Sirius looked up at that, bags under his eyes heavy as he glanced at James and then looked to Remus expectantly.

The boy in question looked between them for a few moments before answering in a bored tone, “Oh, y’know. Just spent some time with my mum and da. Fell asleep with the sheep yammering in my ears from the next farm over,” he said, and James nodded. Sounded a bit boring. 

“ _Sheep_? Where’re you from, then? There’s no sheep in London,” Sirius asked, his eyebrows raised.

“Wales,” Remus said shortly.

James bit his lip in awkwardness before turning to Sirius. “Well, then? How was your Christmas?”

Sirius looked at him for a moment before grinning tiredly. “Oh, dreadfully boring. Family dinners and such. Nothing eventful,” he lied easily. 

James frowned a bit, sensing there was more to it, before smiling at him and Remus. “Well, then, this term better be incredible, seeing as though both of your breaks were less than satisfactory.”

“As long as it involves pranking Snivellus, you know I’m in,” Sirius said, relaxing his tense shoulders a bit. James grinned. Remus rolled his eyes, but a small smile played on his lips.

“Speaking of pranks, where’s Peter? Hope he hasn’t missed the train,” James said, standing up to open the compartment door and peering out into the hallway. “Be right back,” he said, raising his eyebrows playfully at the two of them before slipping out to find Peter.

* * *

Remus was perfectly content to stare out the window until James returned before Sirius spoke up. 

“You lied, didn’t you? About your holiday,” he stated without tact, looking at Remus with those intense silver eyes of his. 

Remus swallowed down another lie.

“How do you know that?” he said, shifting away from the window and glaring back at him.

Sirius’ gaze didn’t falter.

“Your bandage,” he said simply, gesturing to his own neck. “I doubt you got that from listening to sheep.”

 _Shit_ , Remus thought, before dropping his gaze and letting his breath out cautiously. _I can’t let Sirius know. If he knows I’m a werewolf-- everything would be over._

So he settled on a half-truth.

“My da,” he said, snapping his head up to meet Sirius’ eyes with barely concealed anger. He was upset, just not for that reason. “He’s a drunk,” he stated plainly, though his eyes shone in a challenge. 

Sirius stared at him for a moment before averting his eyes and nodding, his breath coming out shakily. 

And then he did something that Remus wouldn’t have expected in a thousand years-- he stood up, and crossed the small space between them to sit down next to Remus. Their knees were close enough to touch, but Sirius sat as if he was overly cautious of the possible contact.

“I’m sorry,” the boy said sincerely, turning to face Remus with an unreadable expression. “I won’t tell anyone,” he said, and Remus nodded in agreement. 

But then Sirius began speaking again.

“My parents-- they-- they’re like that too,” he said quietly, his eyes fixed firmly on his knees, his hands folded primly on his lap. _As if he had been trained to do so_ , Remus thought.

 _Fuck_. Remus was glad that Sirius wasn’t looking at him, because if he had been, he would have seen the guilt on his scarred face. 

“Not drunks, just… with expectations,” he finished, letting out a shaky breath before looking up at Remus sharply. “Not a word,” he threatened, and Remus nodded mutely.

Remus moved to place a reassuring hand on his shoulder, and Sirius flinched, then took another breath and stood up.

“Not a word,” Remus agreed, guilt already beginning to eat up his words.

The compartment door opened, and a laughing Peter, James, and surprisingly, Marlene McKinnon walked in. Sirius hurriedly sat back down at his original seat. 

“How nice of you to join us, Pettigrew,” Remus said, trying to diffuse the unspoken tension between him and Sirius. 

“Good ol’ Petey here was stuck with McKinnon,” James said with a teasing grin, to which Marlene laughed and slapped his arm playfully. 

“Oh, sod off, Jamie,” she said with a grin, her cheeks turning red when she spotted Sirius. He raised her eyebrows at her. “Mind if I join you lot, then?” she asked, plopping herself in between Sirius and James without waiting for an answer. She exhaled with a grin, leaning back against her seat and propping her arms up behind her head. “Don’t even _think_ about tickling me,” she warned, shooting James a glare.

Of course, James and Sirius ignored this, gleefully tickling her, and then giggling hysterically when their fingers came in contact with some sort of tickle-back potion. When they had calmed down, Marlene spoke again.

“Courtesy of Monty, that one was,” Marlene grinned smugly. 

“Monty?” Peter asked, brow furrowed. “Who-?”

“My dad,” James said proudly.

“He’s a famous potioneer,” Marlene added, tilting her chin up. James rolled his eyes, but smiled fondly. 

“He invented Sleekeazy’s, right? Fleamont Potter?” Sirius said, looking at James for affirmation. James blushed at the attention and nodded.

“My mum uses that on my hair sometimes,” admitted Remus bashfully. “She says it makes it more tameable.”

“There is yet a potion to be created that can tame our dear Jamie’s hair,” Marlene grinned, ruffling James’ hair endearingly. 

He grinned at her. “Right again, Marls. My mum says that it’s a lost cause at this point,” he said, and all of the members of the compartment laughed. 

“Hey-- that tickling potion… Black, you thinking what I’m thinking?” James said after the laughter subsided, meeting Sirius’ eye. His hazel eyes were twinkling with excitement and mischief. Marlene looked between the two in curiosity. Peter leaned forward. Remus leaned back.

Grey eyes met hazel, and Sirius grinned. 

“Oh, definitely,” he smirked back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you can tell i dont remember what it was like to be eleven.
> 
> anyway im a major simp for marlene so this fic will literally be all about her at some point HA
> 
> yes i DID research moon phases for 1971 ,,


	13. bonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys plan their prank. the girls deal with some emotions. common room shenanigans. 
> 
> ((thoughts are italicized!))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! hope u enjoy this chapter :)) im rewatching shera for like the 5th time and i have,,, so many feels
> 
> response to Jegulus4Life's comment about whether or not James would have recognized the Toujours Pur motto as the Black family's: james, although being part of the sacred 28, didn’t know the motto at that age, and he doesn’t know it yet (his parents aren't as obsessed with knowledge of the other 'sacred' families as the black's are). when he does, though, be prepared...

Not a day had passed since the students had arrived back to Hogwarts that James and Sirius began planning their prank. They had both drowned themselves in the prospect of fun to get rid of their troubles of soulmates (and in Sirius’ case, family). Peter followed them everywhere like a dog, and while James found him to be an excellent friend (“He’s _fun_ , Sirius, c’mon!”), Sirius found him a bit annoying, but tolerable (“Fun to _laugh_ at, James.”) Remus sometimes trailed them at a distance, as though the three of them were people he reluctantly stuck around just to have some sort of friend. Typically, though, he could be found curled on his bed reading worn Muggle books. 

James, Sirius, and Peter had seated themselves on Peter’s bed, parchment and quills spread about. Peter was biting his nails anxiously whenever Sirius got too close to spilling ink on his sheets. 

“Alright, so, since the potion’s translucent, we won’t have any trouble with people detecting it,” Sirius began, scribbling away on a piece of parchment. James peered over his shoulder, marvelling at his pristine calligraphy. 

Peter seemed to catch on as well, because in an inquisitive tone he asked, “How'd you write like that?”

Sirius turned to meet Peter’s eye with a questioning sort of gaze. “Like what? Doesn’t everyone write like this?”

“Nope,” James said, smirking at him. “It’s quite fancier than most.” Sirius’ cheeks colored in embarrassment. 

A loud snort was heard from Remus’ bed. Three heads swiveled to face him. His eyebrows were raised in a way that said, _seriously?_ “Potter- you said that Black’s handwriting is fancy, but you used the word ‘quite’ in the same sentence. If that isn’t pretentious, I don’t know what is.” 

The four roommates were silent before Sirius broke the silence with a loud fit of cackles and James giggled good-naturedly. Peter looked shocked for a moment before hesitantly joining in. 

“Right, then, Lupin, sure you don’t want to join us?” James asked after regaining his breath. Remus hesitated before waving him off, eyes already swiveling back to his book.

“No thanks. Augustus is about to fall into the chocolate river again. Greedy sod.”

“Suit yourself,” James shrugged, snatching the quill from Sirius, who let out an indignant squawk. Peter dove for the inkpot that threatened to topple over and caught it in the nick of time. 

“Oi! Watch it! I’d rather not have ink all over my sheets, thanks very much,” he said huffily, capping the inkwell with a bit of cork. 

Sirius rolled his eyes but let out a reluctant, “Sorry, Pettigrew.”

Peter huffed again. “Just call me Peter, honestly, ‘Pettigrew’ makes me feel like Slughorn is gonna yell at me again.”

“Fine, _Petey_ ,” Sirius said, grinning. Remus snorted from across the room again. 

James had been ignoring their conversation and was scribbling away on their piece of parchment. “Alright. So. Sirius and I will test out the potion… we’ll need to sneak into Marls’ room and take it from her. Or I could ask her.”

“But which is more devious?” Sirius interjected with a smirk.

“Ignoring that for the time being,” James continued, though he was grinning. “Dad taught me how to test potions for ingredients awhile back. So we’ll do that… and then.... edit it a bit… and… mass-distribute it... _somehow_.” he ran his hands through his hair, making it messier than it already was.

“But Marlene already knows about the tickling potion… she’d tell McGonagall immediately unless we clue her in,” Peter said smartly. 

Sirius made a face. “I dunno if I want our first prank to be with a girl,” he said. Peter nodded.

James flicked both of their foreheads. “Marlene isn’t your typical girl, lads. She’s really cool, trust me,” he said. 

Peter rubbed his forehead with a face. “Fine, I guess.”

“Just this once,” Sirius agreed.

* * *

If anyone were to be walking by the first year Gryffindor girls’ dorm room at any hour of the day, they would hear shouting or grumbling of some kind. Today was no exception. Marlene McKinnon was currently letting out unearthly wails at a piece of parchment, her friends rushing to her side immediately. 

“Bloody _Slughorn_! Bloody _Potions_! Stupid McKinnon traits! It’s only the first day back and I’m failing. I mean, you’d think living next door to Fleamont Fucking Potter would help me somehow, but nope! I’m stuck with this useless, horrid, vom-worthy intelligence. If you could even call it that,” she raged, tears in her eyes. Lily and Mary rubbed her back, exchanging worried looks over her shoulder. Dorcas petted her hair, sitting next to her and letting Marlene turn to her and cry into her shoulder once she finished ranting. “I’m stupid,” she whispered, biting her lip and letting out a sob.

“No, you’re not, Marlene,” the three girls insisted. 

“Marlene. Everyone is bad at something, okay? Just ‘cause Potions isn’t your strong suit doesn’t mean you aren’t good at other things,” Lily said fiercely.

“Yeah, Lily’s right,” Mary continued, her dark blue eyes filled with concern for her friend. “I mean, I suck at Transfiguration! And Lily here’s not so great with Herbology. Dorcas is horrible at… well, okay, Dorcas has been good with everything so far, but that’s beside the point,” Mary said hastily.

“Marlene,” Dorcas began, and the girl in question looked up at her with red-rimmed eyes. “You’re a brilliant witch. Mary and Lily are right. Just because you’re bad at one thing doesn’t mean you can’t get better at it. I mean, it’s only our first year! Mary and Lily and I are right here beside you to help you succeed. And James is too, right? You’re excellent at Defence and Charms and Herbology, Marlene, and you’re _determined_. That’s what matters most. We can all tell you really love magic.” Mary and Lily nodded enthusiastically. “If you didn’t care about Potions, you wouldn’t be upset right now. So keep trying, okay? And we’ll help you whenever you need it. No witch left behind,” Dorcas said, staring into Marlene’s light brown eyes. 

Marlene stared back, and nodded, letting out a fresh round of tears while hugging Dorcas tightly. “You’re all too sweet.” 

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Lily said cheekily, joining in the hug. Mary wrapped them all together and smiled warmly.

“No witch left behind,” they all agreed.

* * *

After the boys’ plan to speak to Marlene, and the girls’ comfort and study session, the Gryffindors found themselves in the common room, reclining by the fire. The girls were busy getting their nails painted by second-years Alice Fortescue and Edward Vanity while Samuel McKinnon, Tiberius McLaggen, and Frank Longbottom watched on. 

The first-year Gryffindor boys descended down the stairs into the common room with raucous laughter, James and Sirius leading while Peter and Remus followed. Sirius spotted Lily and raised his eyebrows at her while James waved excitedly to Marlene.

“Come join us, James!” Marlene shouted, gesticulating wildly. Edward and Mary ducked, but one of Marlene’s wet nails had imprinted onto Edward’s cheek. James paled at the sight. “Sorry, Edward,” Marlene said sheepishly, glancing at James. 

“S’alright,” Edward said with a small laugh, letting Alice rub the nail polish off his cheek with a wet cloth. 

James plopped down on the floor next to Marlene, and Sirius sat near him. Remus plopped himself into a comfortable armchair, and Peter joined Frank, Samuel, and Tiberius on the couch. 

“Marls, I need to speak with you,” James whispered loudly, and she raised an eyebrow at him. 

“What about?” 

Marlene figured it had something to do with his soulmate-- she had seen the way he had reacted when Edward got nail polish on his face.

“A prank,” he whispered (much quieter this time) as he leaned forward to speak in her ear.

_Well, then. James certainly was one for surprises._

Marlene raised her other eyebrow and a smirk played at her lips. “Oh, you know I’m in,” she said. James beamed and gave a thumbs-up to Sirius and Peter. “Now, thoughts on this colour?” Marlene held out her hands, showcasing the electric blue nail polish. 

“I think it’s _dashing_ ,” Sam said before James could speak, leaning his head on Tiberius’ with a grin.

“Absolutely spiffing,” Tiberius added, poking Sam’s cheek with his finger.

Frank was too busy staring at Alice with adoration to say anything. 

“Oh, I love it, Marlene!” Mary said, peering at her friend’s nails. “It suits you really nicely.”

“Er… I dunno much about polish, but it looks good,” James shrugged, offering his friend a smile. Lily, whose nails were being painted an ivy green by Alice, rolled her eyes at him. 

“Thanks,” Marlene said happily, ignoring her brother and Ty in favor of Mary and James. She glanced over to the armchair that Dorcas had been curled up in for the past hour. Even with everyone’s laughter, the girl had slept peacefully through it. Marlene smiled fondly at the sight of her friend. She was tucked under a large quilt, only her face and hair visible. Marlene could see the bags under her eyes from here. She truly was exhausted. She felt bad that she had broken down earlier… and when Dorcas had been so tired, too. 

_I’ll make her something. A gift of sorts. So she’ll know I appreciate her! … Excellent thinking, Marlene,_ she complimented herself smugly.

Marlene was beaming so much at her brilliant and wholesome idea that she hadn’t noticed that Sammy had been trying to tell her something for the past minute. 

“...Marlene? _Hello?_ Anyone there? Oh- good, anyway, we’re all gonna head down to visit Emma before check-in. Want me to holler at her for you?” 

Emma Vanity was Edward’s older sister. She was a Slytherin third year, and one of Sam, Ty, and Frank’s best friends. Marlene had always looked up to her; she was kind, funny, fashionable, witty, and an absolute _devil_ on the Quidditch field. 

“Of course,” she said with a grin, waving her brother and his friends off with a half-dried hand. “Thanks again, Edward! Cheers!” she whisper-shouted as he and Alice followed them out of the portrait hole with twin waves. 

Marlene glanced around the room again. Peter had roped Remus into playing a game of chess by the window, and Remus was losing fantastically. James and Sirius were quietly whispering to each other, Lily glaring at them distrustfully while Mary was lying on the carpet in front of the fire, eyes closed, smiling peacefully. 

Various other Gryffindors were seated around the room, either knee-deep in parchment, deep in thought, and grumbling, or drinking amber beverages in corners, snogging on armchairs, and having conversations with varying levels of excitement. 

Marlene smiled, joining Mary on the ground before closing her eyes. She could get used to a life like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ill have you know i DID research books for this time period,,, and i DO love marlene mckinnon. *snape voice* obviously. anyway emma vanity!!! i love her!! she is mentioned by name in the hp series & i will be incorporating her more :) edward is an oc btw
> 
> JAMES GIGGLES I DONT MAKE THE RULES


	14. mckinnon's mishaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> marlene has an interesting day. sirius, james, and marlene execute their prank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there can never be too much marlene mckinnon content :)
> 
> cw: internalized homophobia, implied child abuse

Another week had passed, and Marlene’s nail polish was chipping. Sirius and James had had a rough time trying to contact her alone. Dorcas, Mary, and Lily had trailed her everywhere after her breakdown over Potions, trying to help her out whenever she needed. This proved to foil her prank planning and her gift planning for Dorcas, which she had extended to Mary and Lily as well after further thought. She had finally been able to ditch them during Charms. 

Marlene picked at her nail polish so as not to attract attention. James and Sirius whispered into her ear while Flitwick’s back was turned. Peter was keeping him busy by pretending to have a problem with the spell for Softening Charms (though he didn’t have to pretend as much as others would). Lily had softened her brick of iron expertly, and Dorcas had done so after Lily corrected her pronunciation of the spell. Mary and Remus had been paired up, and they were both glaring at their iron bricks determinedly. The Hufflepuffs they shared classes with for today were in similar boats as Mary and Remus. 

“Alright, so. The plan needs to be enacted before dinner, alright? We altered it so it doesn’t require tickling in order to be effective and made it so that it doesn’t need to be applied topically,” James whispered hurriedly into Marlene’s ear. She nodded in understanding.

“And it isn’t lethal if ingested, in case you were worried,” Sirius added with an air of nonchalance. Marlene hadn’t been wondering, but she figured that was definitely a crucial aspect of the plan.

“Okay, and remind me again how we’re going to go about spreading it?” 

A loud bang and subsequent shrieking was heard from across the room, and the boys quickly pretended to work as Flitwick rushed across to aid a Hufflepuff. “Oh dear, Mr. Diggle, let’s get you to the Infirmary straight away,” he squeaked, his eyes wide with worry. “Ms. Bones, seeing as you’ve finished-- excellent work, my dear-- would you accompany him?” 

“Leave that part to me,” James said with a wink, and mimed pulling something over his shoulders. Marlene’s eyes widened in understanding and she nodded. “Er… actually, you wouldn’t happen to know how to get to the kitchens, would you?” 

Marlene scoffed. “Would I? Of course I do. I’m not a bloody McKinnon for nothing.” Sirius nodded in approval. The three of them bumped fists discreetly, fighting to hide their grins from their classmates.

Flitwick muttered to himself as Bones and Diggle exited the room. “Happens every year.”

Marlene and James went back to work, and Sirius returned to his partner, some bloke whose parents had probably been high out of their minds when they had named him. Instead of softening the iron, Mundungus Fletcher had deftly slid it into his bag. He caught Marlene’s eye and paled, and she winked at him. He grinned. Marlene shrugged as if to say, _I didn’t see anything._

“Oh, splendid work, Ms. Macdonald, Mr. Lupin, and Mr. Patil! Now, class, this just shows with determination, you can accomplish anything! Oh- _superb_ work, Ms. McKinnon! You’ve not only softened it, but completely melted it! See, class, magic is not only about incantations and correct wand movements-- it is about your heart and passion that you put behind the spell. Ms. McKinnon is an excellent example of that.” James nudged an already-beaming Marlene with pride. “Great work all around, students. Now, for homework, please practice your Softening Charms-- no, _not_ on each other, Ms. Isaacs, that would not be conducive to learning--” 

Marlene couldn’t stop smiling. James was grinning for her, and Dorcas, Lily, and Mary had given her a thumbs up. Sirius smiled in her direction. Even Remus and Peter nodded at her! “Ms. McKinnon, if you could stay after class for a moment?” Flitwick’s tinny voice called out amongst the students packing up their things. 

Marlene frowned. “Is he mad or something? I thought I did everything right,” she whispered to James. He shook his head.

“No, he probably just wants to congratulate you. I’ll wait outside, alright?” 

Marlene shook her head. “No, it’s alright, go ahead to Defence, I’ll meet you there. Just tell Professor Yew I’ll be late.” 

“Alright,” James said, and Marlene waved him and the girls off with a nervous smile. 

“What did you want to see me about, Professor?” Marlene asked after all the students had emptied the classroom. Professor Flitwick settled onto his stack of books behind his desk. 

“Ah, Ms. McKinnon. I have not seen such raw power since the 1940’s.” Marlene’s expression brightened considerably. “Yet… too much power, too much passion… it can be detrimental at times.” She frowned, picking at her nail polish. Flitwick’s voice softened. “No, my dear, it is not something to be ashamed of. What I mean is that you lack control. You are letting your passion and natural magic channel through you without putting a stopper on some of it. Can you think of other instances where this has happened?” 

Marlene bit her lip and looked at her nails. “Um… well, I guess I always tend to go for the more extreme,” she said. “In Herbology, or Defence, I always cast powerful charms. It just… feels right,” she said, her shoulders slumping.

Flitwick chuckled slightly, as if only he knew what he was laughing at. “Oh, Ms. McKinnon. I am not telling you to never access this power again. I am merely suggesting that you search for some discipline within your magic. Imagine how disastrous it would be, for example, if instead of having a controlled fire in a jar, it became Fiendfyre! You are an excellent and talented witch, and I do not want to discount that. I could set you up with a group of other exemplary students, if you wish.” Marlene nodded slowly in understanding. “Some of your other classmates look promising as well,” he muttered, scribbling their names down on a floating piece of parchment to ask them about it later. 

“I’d love to join, Professor,” she said, smiling slightly. “So… you really meant it? That I’m talented?” 

Flitwick nodded. “Yes, my dear. _Incredibly_ so. Use your gifts well. Now, off to class!” He shooed her away with a bright smile. “I’m sure Professor Yew must be furious with me by now… lovely speaking with you, Ms. McKinnon.”

“Thanks, Professor!” Marlene smiled and skipped all the way to Defence of the Dark Arts.

* * *

Severus was reading _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_ to Lily in a quiet voice while she re-enacted the scenes in the courtyard, laughing. Lily died dramatically, and as she fell onto the cold snow, something caught her eye. Potter, Black, and Marlene were shushing each other loudly on the other side of the courtyard, and before Lily could get up, they scurried off around the bend.

“Sev? Did you see that?” she asked, brushing snow off of her now-wet skirt with a frown. 

“See what?” he asked, eyes narrowed suspiciously. “We’re the only ones in the courtyard.”

Lily bit her lip, then stood up determinedly. “Be right back,” she said, then dashed off before he could say anything. 

_They’re up to something. I know it._

Lily rounded the corner smugly, her boots kicking up snow as she ran. As quickly as she had gotten there, she stopped. Before her was not open space like she had thought. It was… just a wall, with a little nook in it. Lily’s smug expression turned to confusion, and she turned her head around quickly, her long red hair whipping around. “Where did you go off to,” she grumbled under her breath. She stepped forward, cautiously reaching her hand out a bit before a voice behind her caused her to jump and retract her hand.

“Lily! What are you doing?” Severus was out of breath, his face tinged with concern. 

Lily glanced back towards the wall. “I thought I.... saw someone. It’s nothing, Sev, let’s go,” she said, offering him a warm smile and linking her arm through his. 

As they walked away, Lily could have sworn she had heard muffled laughter coming from the wall. “You must’ve hit your head while you died,” Severus said seriously, and Lily nodded. 

“No more dying, then,” she joked. “Race you to the library!”

* * *

Marlene smacked both of the boys on the arms as soon as Lily and Severus left. “You idiots!” she said, though she let out a sigh of relief.

“That was a close one,” James admitted, grinning excitedly. 

Sirius let out another snort of laughter. “I’ll say. Snivellus’ surprise appearance almost made me give up our position. Why would she hang out with a greasy sod like him anyway?”

Marlene whirled on him, which was incredibly difficult under an Invisibility Cloak, but she made do. “Don’t you dare! Severus is Lily’s friend. Sure, maybe he doesn’t wash his hair as often as you do, but come on. He makes her happy.”

Sirius shrugged. “Whatever. Anyway, lead us to the kitchens, Madame McKinnon,” he said with a grin.

“I told you not to call me that,” she grumbled, a blush rising to her cheeks. “This way. Now let’s hope that no one else’s hair smacks me in the face again. I swear, Lily needs to braid it or something, it gets everywhere,” she complained loudly, and James clapped his hand over her mouth. 

“Shh! Stop being so loud, Marls, you’ll compromise our mission!” he whispered excitedly, and she poked out her tongue at his hand so he would get it off of her. He made a grossed-out face.

“What is it with you and putting your hands on people’s mouths?” Sirius whispered, brows drawn together. His laughter at Severus earlier had caused the same reaction in James that Marlene’s complaining had. “Your hand is sweaty.”

“Is not!” he said indignantly, and Marlene and Sirius shushed him.

Marlene slowly led the way down to the dungeons, grumbling whenever James trod on her heels. Sirius made up the rear, pressed up against James like a koala. “Stop stepping on me,” Marlene hissed after awhile.

“I can’t help it! ‘S not my fault that this thing can only cover one person,” James whined. 

Marlene stopped suddenly, and James barely prevented himself from crashing into her. “Why’d you stop?” Sirius whispered, unable to see what was going on, and James slowly tugged the both of them towards the wall. 

Samuel McKinnon and Tiberius McLaggen were tucked in a small corner, hands clasped together tightly. Their sleeves were rolled up, and their cheeks were red, and on their forearms were identical ink markings. Marlene, James, and Sirius watched, wide-eyed, as Sam leaned forward to draw a heart and a winky face on Tiberius’ arm. After no time at all, the same marking appeared on Sam’s. The two boys grinned, as if this was something they were used to. 

And then their lips pressed together softly, and Marlene had shut her eyes because there was no way that she would watch her brother kiss someone. Sirius’ stomach twisted unpleasantly, and his cheeks were hot, and even though his mother was screaming in his mind that this was _wrong wrong wrong_ , it seemed so natural. James’ eyes were blown wide, mouth agape in wonder, and Marlene seemed to be the only one to have any sort of sense because she grasped both of their arms and silently tugged them away from her brother and Tiberius.

They walked in silence for three minutes before Marlene stopped again and said, her voice wavering, “Not a word. Alright? Not. A. Word.” 

“Marls,” James said, his voice betraying his concern. “You’re shaking.” He grasped her hand in his, and squeezed it. Sirius bit his lip before deciding to do the same thing.

“We won’t say anything,” Sirius said quickly. 

“I just-- I didn’t know,” she whispered, biting her lip and squeezing her eyes shut. “I didn’t know that soulmates could be… like that,” she said, because she didn’t have a better word to describe it. 

James’ gaze softened, and Sirius’ became brittle. Sirius looked at the ground, and James hugged Marlene tightly. “My mum and dad always told me that it doesn’t matter what the gender of your soulmate is. Whoever they are, they’re meant for you. And if that means your soulmate is a girl instead of a boy, Marls, that’s okay too,” he said with a smile, and she hugged him back tightly. “It’s completely natural, Marlene, _promise_ ,” he said, and she nodded, burying her face in his neck. 

After a few moments, the three journeyed on, and Sirius was thankful that he was behind his friends so that they wouldn’t see the tears on his face.

“Here we are,” Marlene whispered, stopping in front of a portrait of fruit. 

James turned to look at Sirius, whose tears had dried by then. “Um, Marls? This most certainly does _not_ look like a kitchen.”

Marlene rolled her eyes, leaning forward to tickle the pear. “Oh ye of little faith,” she joked. “Seriously, though, don’t tell _anyone_ about this, unless you want the whole school to know,” she warned, glaring pointedly at Sirius.

“I’m always Sirius,” he deadpanned before grinning. 

The two boys gasped in wonder as the pear transformed into a bright green handle. Marlene opened the door and stumbled into the kitchen, James and Sirius close behind. 

A hundred pairs of tennis ball-esque eyes swiveled to greet them.

Sirius automatically seized up in fear, straightening his spine and wiping his face of any emotion. James waved awkwardly, and Marlene’s eyes widened in awe.

“Er. Hello?” James said, grinning politely at the House-elves. “Mind if we come in?”

An immensely skinny House-elf with wary eyes and knobbly knees that reminded Marlene of Mr. Potter’s stepped forward, their hands on their hips. 

“What business do you have in the Hogwarts Kitchens?”

“Oh! Hello! You must be Basil. My brother Sammy told me about you! I’m Marlene McKinnon,” Marlene said, smiling and sticking out her hand for the House-elf to shake. 

Basil relaxed visibly and eagerly shook Marlene’s hand. “Oh, Miss McKinnon! We have waited for three years for you to come to Hogwarts. Welcome!”

Various cheers of “Welcome!” could be heard from the other House-elves. 

“Mind if we sample some pumpkin juice?” James asked pleasantly, and Basil shook their head. 

“Not at all, not at all! Right then, come this way, you three!”

Marlene and James shared a worried look behind Sirius’ back. After Marlene and Basil’s short conversation, his face had been permanently fixed into one of distrust. “Later,” James whispered, and Marlene nodded.

Marlene kept the House-elves busy with stories of her and Sam’s childhood while James and Sirius snuck out their two large bottles of potion. They crept towards the replica of the teachers’ table, pouring an even amount of their concocted tickling potion into each of the goblets already filled with various beverages. James wrinkled his nose at a few that certainly did not smell like pumpkin juice at _all_. 

After they finished, they hid the flasks back in their satchels, and joined Marlene and the House-elves.

“...and then his head swelled to the size of a cauldron!” she said, spreading her arms wide. The House-elves gasped. “Mrs. Potter-- that’s James’ mum, she’s a healer-- had to puncture and deflate it,” Marlene giggled. 

“Oh, I definitely remember that,” James said with a grin. “We teased him about it for yea-”

“We’ve got to be going,” Sirius interrupted, eyes blazing. “Thanks for the pumpkin juice.” With that, he strode out of the kitchens, not waiting for James and Marlene, who hurriedly said goodbye to their new friends.

“ _Hey!_ What’s your deal, Black?” Marlene yelled as soon as they were out of the kitchens. He tensed. “Why were you so rude to them? Don’t tell me you _actually believe_ that pureblood nonsense that House-elves are beneath you,” she seethed, gritting her teeth. James looked worriedly between the two of them, but didn’t say anything.

Neither did Sirius.

“ _Well?_ Are you like that or not? Tell me right now, Sirius.”

“I don’t owe you any sort of explanation,” he said tightly after awhile. When he turned around, though, his eyes were filled with unshed tears. “I don’t…. believe in all that stuff. And I never want to. I have my own reasons for being uncomfortable around them. Not because I think they’re lesser. But because they’re-” he choked up, and swiveled around again so they only saw his back. “I’m not talking about this,” he said, his voice steady again. 

James moved forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. Sirius flinched at first but allowed it. “Mate, I know you’re not like them. You don’t have to explain yourself. I don’t understand it, but I know it’s painful for you to talk about, so we won’t, alright?” 

Marlene hesitated before throwing her arms around Sirius, who winced and then patted her hair awkwardly. “I’m sorry for yelling at you, Sirius. You didn’t deserve it. Are we all okay?” she asked, looking tearfully between James and Sirius. 

Sirius looked at her for a moment before rolling his eyes. “Of course we are,” he said, his previously tense expression breaking with a grin. Marlene broke away from their hug. “We’re the Maramius Trio, after all.”

James and Marlene looked at him in confusion. “Maramius? How did you come up with that?”

Sirius looked at James smugly. “It’s all three of our names combined. Marlene, James, and Sirius. I thought about something like ‘Siramlene,’ but it sounded weird,” he shrugged.

Marlene snorted in laughter and James threw the Invisibility Cloak over them again. “Oh, Merlin. That’s too bloody funny,” she grinned. 

“Yes, yes, now let’s hurry up and stop being such saps so we can see the results of our incredible prank!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont worry, i know im focusing a lot on marlene recently but remus and regulus will get more screentime too!!! this is a marauders fic, but its also a marauders-era fic. :)
> 
> (also, imagine that james and sirius tested out the potion on peter at first and he cant stop laughing while remus is just like: smh. why am i rooming with these dumbasses)


	15. growth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james and sirius deal with the aftermath of the prank. sirius and remus have a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!! i've posted like three chapters over the course of two days, so if you're a bit lost, i suggest going back :)
> 
> cw: non-graphic discussions of abuse, mentioned abuse/wounds, mention of alcoholism

They had to serve detention for the rest of the month. James had shrieked that it was “cruel and unusual punishment” because that meant he couldn’t watch the first Quidditch match of the season, but McGonagall was firm in her decision. 

“And 25 points will be taken from Gryffindor. Now, get to bed _immediately_.”

Marlene, Sirius, and James’ shoulders slumped in defeat as McGonagall strode from the room. When she left, though, they all high-fived. 

“That was AWESOME! Everyone was laughing! I mean, we did that! _We_ did! We’re amazing!” James cheered, strutting around the room in a sort of dance. Marlene was beaming in pride and Sirius was grinning, trying not to think about how his parents would react to this. It was time for him to start spiting them, after all. 

“And no celebrating! I can hear you, you know!” McGonagall yelled from the other room. James quieted down immediately, looking a bit sheepish. The trio walked to the base of the stairs and stopped.

“Well. First prank was a success, then,” Sirius began. “I’ll admit, I didn’t think a girl could be good at this sort of thing, but, well, you’re bloody fantastic,” Sirius grinned. 

Marlene rolled her eyes with a smile. “Well, it’s about time you noticed.”

“Good work, all. Sirius and I have got to go console Pete-- he’s upset he couldn’t come with us to the kitchens, I suppose,” James grimaced, and Marlene waved him off. 

“I’ve got to get to bed anyway, it’s late. See you lot tomorrow,” she smiled at her two friends, and walked up the girls’ staircase.

“Seeya, McKinnon,” Sirius said, following James. “I don’t understand why Pettigrew’s upset, I mean, he was crucial in the plan! Without him testing the potions in stages, we could’ve messed it up horribly,” he groaned as they walked up the stairs. 

“Well, how would you feel if your new friends thought all that you were good for was testing potions?” James reasoned, pausing at their door. “And he likes to be called Peter, and he doesn’t mind Pete. You know that.”

Sirius let out a deep sigh. “Urgh, I guess you’re right. Does this mean I have to apologize?”

“Yes,” a third voice said tiredly behind them. James and Sirius jumped. 

“ _Merlin!_ Warn a guy, Remus!”

“I did,” he pointed out. 

“How long have you been there?” Sirius questioned.

Remus sighed. “Long enough. Now, move, so I can get in. Some people would like to sleep, you know.” 

Sirius rolled his eyes and opened the door for him. “After you, Sleeping Beauty,” he smirked. James giggled.

“Oh. Nice prank, by the way,” Remus said quietly, a small smile playing at his lips. “It was funny.”

With that, he disappeared into the bathroom to shower, and Sirius and James were left with the pieces of the prank that had not quite fit into place yet. Peter Pettigrew. 

He was lying curled up on his bed, away from the door, and Sirius could hear his sniffles from here. He winced and looked at James, whose face was solely guilt.

“Hey, Peter,” Sirius said cautiously. “May we sit?”

“Whatever,” he said, his voice cracking. James retrieved a box of tissues from across the room and placed it in front of Peter, who blew his nose into them angrily.

Sirius gingerly sat down on the bed, his back to Peter. “Peter, I know you’re upset about the prank, okay? We had to bring Marlene because she’s the only one who knew where the kitchens were. Remember, that was your idea, Petey? I mean, Peter. Sorry. Erm, anyway, you’re like, more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy. Without you, Marlene might’ve sold us into McGonagall. We probably wouldn’t have even been able to recruit her if it weren’t for you distracting Flitwick. And we definitely couldn’t have pulled off carrying all that potion if you hadn’t given us your bottles! Here they are, by the way,” Sirius said, placing them on the floor next to Peter’s bed. “And you didn’t even get detention, Pete, how ‘bout that. You’re like our secret weapon. No one will ever suspect you,” he said, turning to him with a smile.

Throughout the entirety of Sirius’ backwards sort of apology, James had been hitting his forehead with one of Remus’ books. 

“I don’t really want to be a secret weapon,” Peter grumbled, but let out a small, “thanks,” despite it. “In the future, I want to do more. I don’t want to just be your potions tester or your distraction. And I don’t want you two planning pranks on my bed. Ink stains are hard to get out, and I’ve already told you off for it.”

James sighed in relief. “I’m sorry too, Pete. It won’t happen again, promise. And hey, for the record, Marls would’ve never sold us out. Stop acting like we _had_ to bring her along, we all know you like being her friend as much as I do.” 

Sirius got up from Peter’s bed and rolled his eyes at James. James patted Peter on the shoulder, and the two smiled at each other. “We promise, mate.”

“Thanks, guys. That means a lot.”

“Of course, Peter. You’re our friend. Now, I’m dead on my feet. I expertly deduce that sneaking around the most splendid castle does certify one as quite fatigued.” 

Sirius threw a pillow at James, and Remus, who had just come out of the bathroom in his pyjamas and wet hair, sighed in unison with Peter. 

“There’s no need to wax poetic _every single night_ , James,” Sirius grumbled. 

“Oh, come off it! I’m entitled to some fun,” James grinned, climbing into bed. 

Sirius rolled his eyes and shut his curtains, reaching under his pillow for his tin of dittany that Andromeda had given him. “Night,” he called out as he uncapped it.

“I hope your dreams find solace among the stars!” James piped amongst Remus and Peter’s mutterings. Sirius waited a bit before casting a locking charm and a silencing charm around his four-poster, then let out a sigh. He pulled off his shirt and scooped a generous amount of dittany onto his fingers, spreading it as best he could on the Dark slashes on his back. He winced as his fingers made contact with his still-healing wounds. At least they had stopped bleeding. Dark magical wounds took months, even years if they were major to heal completely on their own. Sirius would know. 

After putting dittany on his injuries, he recapped it and slid it back under his pillow. As he closed his eyes, he prayed to whatever being would listen that he wouldn’t have any nightmares.

* * *

Remus woke up incredibly early, which was odd. With two weeks until the full moon, he normally began to sleep later, as his body needed more rest. But for the past week, he couldn’t stop thinking about what Sirius had shared with him on the train. He was restless. 

He rolled out of bed, his eyes adjusting easily in the dim light. James was sleeping on his side, limbs spread haphazardly about, hair mussed. A small puddle of drool was collecting on his pillow. Peter’s curtains were half-shut, and Remus could see his chest rising and falling.

Sirius’ were fully closed.

Remus padded his way over to the bathroom, inspecting the bags under his eyes, his dull skin, and the new scar curving up his neck with distaste. He splashed cold water on his face before dressing and brushing his teeth. When he stepped out of the bathroom again, the room was much the same, except for one glaringly obvious difference. 

Sirius’ hangings were wide open, and his bed was empty. 

Remus frowned, looking around the room, before noticing that the door to the hallway was slightly ajar. He glanced at their dormitory again, glad that James and Peter were still asleep, before slipping out into the hallway and walking down to the common room.

Sirius sat on the rug in front of the fire, knees clutched to his chest. No one else was there. 

“Hey,” Remus said softly, and Sirius startled before turning his head and letting out a low breath.

“Hi,” he said quietly, finding Remus’ eyes in the soft firelight. 

Remus took this as an invitation to sit down. “What are you doing up?” he asked Sirius. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” came the tired reply. Sirius rested a cheek against his knees and looked at Remus curiously.

“Me neither,” Remus said quietly. “Bad dreams?”

“You could say that.” He looked back to the fire.

The two were silent, letting the warmth of the fire wash over them before Remus broke the silence.

“Is it from what we talked about on the train?”

Sirius tensed, and then his shoulders slumped. All of the fight seemed to drain out of him. 

“...yeah.”

Remus opened his mouth, but Sirius spoke before he could.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Remus nodded in understanding.

“Just… you knowing, a little bit, I guess, makes it better somehow,” Sirius continued, before letting out a sigh. “Even though it’s scary. And… it makes me feel not alone. That I’m not the only one dealing with… terrible parents.”

The guilt that had been slowly eating away at Remus was now all-consuming. His half-lie about his drunk, abusive father on the train had spiraled into a false sense of understanding. But what was more important? Sirius’ comfort, or Remus’ entire livelihood? If Sirius found out that he was a werewolf, Remus would never be able to come to Hogwarts again.

“Sirius, I-- my father, he’s not-- like that,” he said slowly, then realized he would still have to explain the scar. “It was… a one-time thing, y’know? Not a regular occurrence. I’m sorry for misleading you.” Remus was still guilty about the lie, but he figured it was less harmful than the original one.

Sirius’ gaze hardened before his eyes alighted on the scar on Remus’ neck and he nodded, once, twice, three times. 

“It’s alright. You don’t have to apologize to me. He still hurt you, Remus. You’re allowed to feel upset about it,” he said quietly, his eyes sliding from the scar to Remus’ eyes. 

Remus nodded sharply and looked to the fire. “Yeah,” he finally said. 

Just then, they were interrupted by people stumbling down the stairs, half-dressed in Quidditch gear and yawning. “Ugh. Chris really couldn’t have picked a better time than four bloody a.m.?” Tiberius complained, rubbing at his eyes.

“It’s five, Ty,” a brunette girl pointed out, stretching.

“Still, it’s like he wants us to die of exhaustion this term,” Sam yawned. “Oh, hey Black. Lupin,” he waved at them half-heartedly.

Remus and Sirius waved back. “Quidditch practice?”

“Yup,” a slightly brighter-eyed girl replied. “They should be used to it by now, though. Quit your complaining,” she said, turning to the team. A tall boy threw his arm around her with a grin, and she rolled her eyes before affectionately shoving him off. “Save it for later, Erlan. Bell will have our hides if we’re not at the pitch in five. See you two later,” she saluted to Sirius and Remus with a smile. “Anyone seen Norwich?” she asked as they left the common room.

Remus watched them exit the portrait hole before turning back to Sirius. “Want to go over the Transfiguration homework?” Sirius had been too embarrassed to ask James, who was the best in their year at it, for help, and had settled on asking Remus back in fall term. 

“Sure,” he said, smiling at Remus. “Good thing I brought my wand, I guess,” he said with a small laugh. 

Remus smiled at him. “Alright, want to work on _Avifors_?” Sirius groaned, then nodded. 

“Fine.” Remus rummaged around the common room for a bit before finding a spare bit of parchment. 

“Alright, remember. Visualize the parchment changing into the birds. Really focus on what they look like, and think about the material of paper transforming into feathers and flesh.”

Sirius concentrated, Remus watching him intensely. Sirius was naturally an excellent student. Remus had noticed that being next to James, who had consistently managed to accomplish every spell, had brought Sirius’ confidence in Transfiguration down a bit. Remus himself wasn’t that great at it, but where he lacked confidence and discipline, he made up for in practicality, diligence, imagination, and determination. He had always found those traits to be more important anyway.

A loud chirping brought Remus out of his thoughts, and he looked down at the floor to see a little bird that was the same cream color as the parchment staring up at him. Sirius was grinning. 

“I did it! Thank you, Remus! You’re a gem.” 

Remus smiled back at him. “That was awesome, Sirius. Good job.”

A loud crashing could be heard up the stairs, and Remus and Sirius looked at each other in confusion as a teenaged boy dashed into the common room. “Have they gone yet?” he asked breathlessly, eyes wild and curly hair ruffled. He was dressed in a Quidditch jersey and wore half-laced Quidditch boots.

“A while ago, yeah,” Remus supplied helpfully, and the boy cursed loudly before sprinting out of the portrait hole. 

Remus and Sirius laughed as soon as he was out of sight. “Poor bloke,” Sirius smirked. “Suppose whoever this ‘Bell’ person is will ‘have his hide?’”

“Oh, for sure,” Remus said, stifling another laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i DID spend three hours yesterday creating in-depth quidditch teams for every house since 1971,,, what of it,,,,


	16. follow-up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drama at breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! wow, did i really crank out,,, three whole chapters today? yes. yes i did. anyway, enjoy!! <3
> 
> cw: bloody injury

The Gryffindor Quidditch team trudged into the Great Hall at seven a.m., freshly showered and exhausted. Samuel and Tiberius plopped down onto a bench across from Frank. 

“How was practice?” Frank asked pleasantly. “You guys look beat.”

“Urgh, it was _awful_ ,” Sam complained loudly. “Bloody CHRISTOPHER BELL made us run the same four drills for _two whole hours_. All because Norwich showed up late,” he said, standing up and glaring at his captain.

“Hey, can it unless you wanna be put on reserves, McKinnon. I won’t have any backtalk,” Bell returned. “Blame Jonah if you want to blame someone.”

“Hey!” Jonah Norwich said indignantly through a yawn. “I was doing rounds until twelve a.m.” One of his teammates patted his shoulder sympathetically. 

“Damn Prefects,” Sam cursed. “Whatever. Oh, hey! Marly, what’s up with your face? You’re looking at me weird,” Sam frowned at his little sister and grabbed her cheeks. “Are you sick? Do I need to take you to see Madam Pomfrey?” 

Marlene, who had gotten up from her spot at the table to talk to him, swatted his hands away. “I’m fine, Sammy, stop.” She glanced between Tiberius and Sam, biting her lip. “Just-- can we talk after breakfast?” 

Sam’s eyebrows drew together in confusion before following Marlene’s gaze and nodding. “‘Course, Marlene.” He glanced at Tiberius, and they seemed to have a silent conversation before they both stood up. “Meet me after breakfast in the Charms classroom on the fourth floor, alright? We’ve just got to talk to someone.”

Marlene watched, gobsmacked, as the two of them jogged over to the Slytherin table and sat down next to Emma Vanity, the three of them talking intensely. 

Marlene sighed and moved over to sit with the Gryffindor first-years. Dorcas and James were currently in a heated debate over some type of food. Mary, Remus, Peter, and Lily were chatting calmly about music as they buttered their croissants. Sirius was noticeably absent from the table, and as Marlene swept her eyes across the room, she spotted him at the far end of the Slytherin table, huddled close to a beautiful girl with long brown hair that Marlene recognized as his nice cousin.

“Is Sirius alright?” she interrupted, and conversation ceased. Lily looked at her as though she were crazy to inquire about his well-being. Remus and James looked concerned. “He’s with his cousin,” she added, “the nice one. At the Slytherin table.” 

At the mention of Slytherin, James scowled, and Marlene rolled her eyes at him. “Oh, come on, don’t be like that. They’re not all bad, you know.” 

“All I know is that Snivellus is there, and he’s a jerk,” he said pointedly. Remus sighed. Lily fumed. 

“Shut it, James,” Marlene snapped before Lily could. “Remember what we talked about the other day?” 

James scowled, but nodded. “Fine. But if he sticks his greasy nose into my business one more time, I won’t hold back.” 

“He’s just exaggerating,” Marlene said to Lily, even though she knew he very much was not exaggerating. “Anyway. Sirius? He's alright?” she asked. 

They all swiveled in their seats to look at the Slytherin table. A blonde, his other cousin, had joined them. Sirius was staring at the food on his plate and scowling, his hands under the table. The brunette had moved Sirius closer to her protectively and was glaring at her sister.

“Reckon he’ll be alright,” James commented lightly after a short while. “I’ll talk to him after breakfast.”

His Housemates nodded and resumed eating. Lily’s mood had soured considerably, and Marlene met Dorcas’ eye meaningfully, nodding. They would need to speak to her about her distaste for Sirius.

A loud hiss interrupted Marlene’s thoughts, and her gaze drew to Remus, whose hand was dripping blood onto the table. He paled and quickly tried to wipe it away with his other hand, which just caused more blood to spread everywhere. “Fuck,” he mumbled, shaking. Dorcas helpfully supplied him with a few napkins and James immediately leaped up to take him to the infirmary.

Lily, for some reason, was staring at her pale hands with confusion. “Oh,” she said quietly, letting out a sigh. 

“What happened?” Peter asked nervously after James and Remus had gone.

“Slip of the knife,” Mary said quietly. “I’ve never seen it happen that fast.”

The five Gryffindors shuddered.

* * *

Lily was still reeling with the shock that Remus _wasn’t_ her soulmate, and had never been, when a loud hooting noise interrupted her.

“Mail’s here!” Alice called loudly, as she did every morning. Frank looked at her with intense adoration. Clove Laughalot scowled as usual.

“Woah!” Lily exclaimed as a barn owl swept in with three packages and dropped one at Lily’s, Mary’s, and Dorcas’ place settings before dropping a letter off for Marlene and going over to Sam. 

Marlene looked a bit nervous. “Go on then, open them!” she said, biting her lip. “It’s a small thank-you, for helping me with Potions all the time,” she explained.

“Oh, Marlene, you didn’t have to give us anything! We’re just happy to help, honestly,” Lily said, touched that her friend would think of something like this. 

“Thanks, Marlene, I’m sure it’s lovely. And I agree with Lils, for the record,” Dorcas smiled, already admiring the pristine and colourful packaging.

“I like presents,” Mary began, smiling, “but your friendship is enough of one.” 

Marlene and Dorcas giggled a bit. “Oh Merlin, you’re such a sap, Mary,” Marlene laughed, “but not to worry, because I am too,” she grinned, and threw her arms around Mary in a hug. 

Lily smiled, unwrapping her gift. She gasped as she opened it. A beautiful green quill lay in pristine packaging, complete with its very own inkpot and six different golden pen nibs. “I thought, y’know, since you didn’t really have your own wizard quill yet--” Marlene stammered, and yelped when Lily reached across the table to hug her. 

“I love it, Marlene! Thank you,” she said, eyes shining. 

Marlene brightened, her cheeks reddening. “Of course. You’re my friend, after all. And if it makes you feel better, just think of it as a late Christmas gift,” she waved her off with a grin.

“I’ll write with it every day,” Lily vowed.

Mary carefully opened her gift wrapped in silver-starred, midnight blue paper. She smiled as a quill identical to Lily’s but with dark blue feathering and silver nibs greeted her. 

“I hope you like it,” Marlene pressed her lips together anxiously. “I figured, y’know, with both of you being Muggle-born and all, that you’d like it. And it matches your eyes.”

“Marlene, of course I do! I love it. Thanks so much,” Mary smiled softly, hugging her again.

* * *

The three witches turned their gazes to Dorcas, who was still unwrapping her gift. Marlene bit her lip in anticipation. “It’s-- erm, it’s Muggle. Sam had to help me find the correct thing, ‘cause he’s the only one in my family who's taken Muggle Studies. I mean, taking it. Currently. I hope you like it,” she settled on, her cheeks red. 

“Oh,” Dorcas said softly, letting out a breath and smiling. She revealed a black leather-bound book of parchment, opening the first page and blushing slightly at the little doodle that Marlene had drawn there. It reminded her of something she’d seen before, but she didn’t know where she’d seen it. She bit her lip. Oh, well. She’d find out soon enough. 

“They call it a-- erm, oh, bollocks, what’s it called again?”

“A notebook,” Mary and Lily said in unison.

“It’s beautiful,” Dorcas breathed, running her fingertips along the spine. 

Marlene beamed. “I’m glad you like it! I was worried you wouldn’t.”

Dorcas chuckled. “Oh, come on, Marlene, you know me better than that. It’s absolutely brill. Thank you,” she smiled, and squeezed Marlene’s hand. 

“‘Course,” she grinned. 

“Where’s my gift, Marlene?” Peter pouted, and the witches laughed. 

Sirius reappeared at the table, looking pale and angry, one of his hands shoved deep in his pockets. “Morning, all. McKinnon, mind passing me a croissant?”

“Sure, Black. You alright?” Marlene asked, passing him two croissants and a napkin. Dorcas noticed him tense up when she said his name. She looked around to see if anyone else had noticed, but Mary was showing off her new gift to Peter, and Lily was glaring resolutely at Sirius. Sirius took the croissants and shoved them deep into the pocket of his robes, nodding.

“Yeah, just fine. Seen Potter anywhere?”

“He had to take Remus to the hospital wing,” Dorcas interjected. “He cut himself.” 

Sirius’ eyes widened and he cursed. “Is he alright?” 

“He’ll be fine, Pomfrey’s apparently an ace at healing people,” Marlene said reassuringly. 

Sirius tensed some more. Dorcas thought this to be quite odd.

“Right, then. I’ll go visit. Thanks for the croissants. Cheers,” he said, striding off purposefully. 

All was well for a few moments before Peter exclaimed, “Merlin,” jumped up, and scurried away. 

“What was that about?” Mary said, frowning.

Dorcas laughed. “He’s probably just being weird about eating breakfast with us. Y’know, ‘cause we’re girls and all.”

Lily rolled her eyes and laughed with her. “Boys.”

* * *

Marlene sat on a desk in the empty Charms classroom, swinging her legs and chewing on her lip as she waited for her brother.

After a minute, she heard shushing outside, and Samuel opened the door a crack before sliding in. 

“Hey,” he said nervously. Marlene didn’t think she’d ever seen her brother nervous. “I think I know what you wanted to talk to me about. But. Just in case I’m wrong, what’s up?”

Marlene took a deep breath, and then spoke as if she was running a marathon. “So, James told me that your soulmate’s gender doesn’t matter. And, well, I sort of… saw that Ty is your soulmate,” she began, taking another breath, “and, well, IthinkImayalsolikegirlsandnotjustboys,” she finished, bursting into tears.

Sam moved forward at an inhuman speed and crushed her in a hug, petting her hair. “Oh, Marly. It’s okay. You know, I do too!” he said, pulling back to grin at her. 

“You do?” she asked, wiping her eyes. “But I thought… I thought that Ty was your soulmate.”

“He is,” he said with a grin. “And just because someone’s your soulmate doesn’t mean you can’t also like another gender or another person,” he explained. Marlene’s mouth opened in an ‘o’ shape. “As a matter of fact, he isn’t my only soulmate,” Sam said shyly, and knocked twice on the desk. 

Tiberius McLaggen and Emma Vanity entered the room with sheepish smiles, closing the door behind them. “Hey, Marlene,” Emma said, waving at her.

“ _Emma Vanity_ is also your soulmate?” Marlene had to stop herself from shrieking in excitement. “This is bloody _brill_!”

Tiberius let out an indignant, “Hey, what about me?” while Emma and Samuel laughed.

“Yes, Marly, we’re all soulmates. Except Tiberius and Em are platonic,” he said. 

Marlene’s eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“‘Platonic’ means that we love each other, but not romantically. So we don’t want to… kiss, or anything like that,” Emma said, with pink cheeks. “Our souls were meant to be together, though. All three of us were. Together forever.” With that, Emma took one of each of her soulmates’ hands and held them in hers. 

“I understand,” she said, and she did. After all, James had two soulmates. She was warmed by the thought that James could be as happy as them one day. “I’m happy for you wankers, honestly,” she said, and moved to wrap them all in a hug. “ _You’re_ not a wanker, Emma. Ty and Sammy are.” Emma laughed. “And I won’t say anything to anyone, promise.” They hugged her back tightly. 

“Thanks, Marlene. I know I don’t say it a lot, but I love you. You’re a good sister.” Sam ruffled her hair, and she grinned up at him. 

“Don’t get all sappy on me now,” she warned, but murmured, “I love you too.”

“Don’t let Dad catch you with that filthy mouth. He’ll be back from that Ministry trip by Easter hols,” Sam warned. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” she whined, squirming out of their hug, then glanced up at the clock on the wall. “ _Bollocks!_ I’ll be late for Potions! Bye, couldn’t be happier for you lot!” she yelled, sprinting out of the classroom.

Emma, Tiberius, and Samuel burst into laughter, and then hugged each other tightly. “Together forever, alright? Promise.”

“I promise. Forever.”

“Promise. Forever and always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> marlene mckinnon is my muse
> 
> i PROMISE ill write more wolfstar, jegulus, and jily-centric stuff agh i get so caught up in my oc's lives its ASTOUNDING
> 
> me writing sappy things: :DD  
> me remembering that im making this canon compliant: :,d


	17. keeping up with the black's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sort of an intermission, featuring regulus' undelivered letters, nefarious plans by the black's, and ted x andromeda fluff.
> 
> cw: implied child abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor reg. remember back in chapter 9: the letter when walburga told sirius that correspondence with regulus had been denied until further notice? no? well that's ok too, here's ur reminder :,)

_September 1, 1971_

_Dear Sirius,_

_Congratulations! I wish I was at Hogwarts with you. I know you’ll do so well in Slytherin. It is very ~~lonely~~ quiet at Grimmauld without you, even though it has only been a few hours since ~~you left me~~ your departure. _

_Can’t wait for your reply!_

_Your brother,  
Regulus Arcturus Black_

_September 2, 1971_

_Dear Sirius,_

_I won’t mince words; Mother and Father are rather upset with your Sorting. I must admit I am also surprised that you were Sorted into Gryffindor. Can you change it somehow? ~~I’m scared~~_

_Write soon!_

_From,  
Regulus  
(your brother)_

_September 5, 1971_

_Dear Sirius,_

_I suppose you have been rather busy with your friends, and that is why you have not responded as of yet. ~~I wish you could come home, Mother and Father are~~_

_Kreacher made the worst meal yesterday: Shepherd’s Pie. I know it is Narcissa’s favorite, but I think it’s not so good. Aunt Druella and Uncle Cygnus dined with us yesterday, and I think Aunt missed Narcissa. How is the food at Hogwarts?_

_I hope to see you for the holiday break._

_~~I miss you!  
I miss you.  
Come home soon!~~ _

_From your brother,  
Regulus Arcturus Black_

_To: Sirius Orion Black, age 11  
House: Gryffindor  
First Year  
From: Regulus Arcturus Black, age 10 (his brother)  
The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, London_

_September 15, 1971_

_Hello, Sirius. I am not sure how the Hogwarts mailing system works-- perhaps you have not responded because my letters are getting mixed up somehow? Mother says it is because you do not care for me, but ~~I think she is wrong~~ I am sure the letter is getting lost with the others. _

_It is rather ~~boring~~ relaxing at home. Mother and Father ~~only~~ speak to me at meals and Kreacher is busy cleaning all the time. I spend my days writing and drawing. _

_How is Hogwarts? Have you made friends? ~~I am sure you have. Don’t forget about me!~~ I hope your classes are fun._

_From,  
Your brother Regulus_

_~~October 6, 1971~~ _

_~~Dear Sirius,~~ _

_~~Why have you not responded? Mother and Father are very angry. I really miss you, Sirius. Please come home. I am sort of~~ _

_~~I am scared.~~ _

_~~Are you ignoring me? Are your friends better than me? Mother and Father say you do not care about me. Is this true? Were you happy to leave me behind? Bellatrix scares me. She comes over sometimes. I don’t like Father’s spells. You’re not learning things like that, are you? It hurts a lot.~~ _

_~~Please come home. I miss you. I lov~~ _

_~~Sincer~~ _

_~~With love from your brother,  
Reg~~ _

_November 3, 1971_

_Dear Sirius,_

_Happy Birthday!!! I can’t believe you’re 12. It is odd to not have you at home for your birthday. I hope that your friends are treating you well! I am mailing your present to you. I drew it myself. I hope you like it!_

_From,  
Your only brother Regulus_

_December 15, 1971_

_Hello Sirius,_

_I can’t wait to see you for the holidays. Mother and Father ~~aren’t letting me~~ do not think it wise for me to come to the platform, but I will see you at home! ~~Mother has been in a sour mood since your Sorting.~~ _

_I believe Aunt Lucretia, Uncle Ignatius, and Uncle Alphard are coming to visit._

_From,  
Regulus Arcturus Black_

_January 10, 1972_

_Sirius,_

_Did you get detention? Mother and Father are furious with you. How is Hogwarts? ~~I know we did not get along over holiday break. I had been hoping that my letters would have made you happy, but I guess they didn’t.~~ _

_I am sorry for how I acted over the holidays. I hope you are ok._

_From,  
Regulus._

* * *

“It is _still_ a problem, Orion,” Walburga seethed as she showed the latest letter to him. “We must take care of this.”

“I think the situation has been taking care of itself, my dear,” he replied as he threw Regulus’ letter in the fire along with the long-cold ashes of the others. “Besides, it is not as though either of them are receiving the other’s letters.” He tsked unhappily as he threw yet another letter from a concerned Sirius in the fire. “Did you not tell Sirius that correspondence was to cease?” He said his name as if it was a disease.

“Of course I did. Do you take me for a fool? Clearly he does not care for our orders. Regulus must not know of this. His brother will only drag him down from his true purpose,” she sniffed, standing up. “Now. I must go greet Druella and Cygnus. They are including us in their summer project,” she said, smiling cruelly.

“Good,” Orion said simply. “It will teach that girl a lesson.”

* * *

Andromeda laughed as Ted finished sweeping her around the room in a dance. They both collapsed onto the couch behind them, sweaty and beaming.

In the safety of the Room of Requirement, they could dance and kiss and explore and be in love without any judgement. Andromeda was able to wear her engagement ring, a beautiful, simple diamond set in silver. 

“I can’t wait until we’re married,” Andromeda said happily as she rested her head on Ted’s chest. 

“Me neither,” Ted said softly, stroking Andromeda’s brown locks off of her forehead. She turned to look up at him, and her breath caught in her throat when she saw his gaze. Undeniable, unconditional love.

“I love you, Ted Tonks,” she said, not for the first time, and he smiled so brightly, as if he still could not believe that he was so lucky. 

“I love you too, Dromeda,” he said, and she leaned up to kiss him. He tasted sweet, like the caramels she had gotten him from Honeydukes over the weekend. He pulled away after a moment. “I can’t wait to build a life together with you.”

Andromeda sighed happily and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing a soft kiss just under his ear. “Me too. After this summer, we’ll be able to be together forever.”

Ted let out a breathy sigh and pulled her close, tracing spirals on her upper back. “Just a few more months, then. But for the record, I would wait a whole lifetime if it meant being with you for just a minute.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah anywayyy F in the chat for andromeda's soon-to-be summer :,) it's canonical so good job to u & don't spoil if u know what im referring to 
> 
> ted tonks is a Flirty Sap


	18. spiral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james and mcgonagall eat some biscuits. some people get into a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all!
> 
> cw: blood, fighting, bruising, slight panic, implied child abuse

“Now, seeing as all three of you have brought up your grades recently, I have decided to shorten your timeline of detentions. Yes, Mr. Potter, before you start jumping in the air, this means you will be able to see the first Quidditch match of the spring season.” James, who had been poised to jump, faltered and would have fallen if Marlene hadn’t grabbed his arm. McGonagall fought back a smile. “You will serve your final detentions tonight. Mr. Black, you will polish the trophies in the trophy room. No magic.” 

Sirius tensed, and then sighed. “I’ve got enough practice with that sort of thing, Professor, not to worry.”

“Your gusto is appreciated, Mr. Black.” Sirius scowled. “Ms. McKinnon, you will help Professor Slughorn stock his Potions ingredients.”

Marlene’s jaw dropped. “But Professor Slughorn _hates_ me!” 

“Professors at Hogwarts do not hate anyone, Ms. McKinnon. I firmly suggest you keep those thoughts to yourself. Mr. Potter, you will assist me in my classroom. Run along now. And report back to me by check-in.”

James frowned. The three of them had to be tasked with the worst possible jobs. “Are we allowed to switch, Professor?” 

“No, Mr. Potter. Now, come with me. I trust neither of you need help finding your destinations, as you’ve been at Hogwarts for several months now. Off you go!”

Marlene grumbled and trudged off to the dungeons. Sirius sighed and saluted to everyone before making his way to the trophy room. 

James found it hard to keep up with McGonagall’s powerful strides, but thankfully her classroom was close by. 

“Now, Mr. Potter, as I’m sure you are aware, I send out welcome letters every year. You will help put them together for me. Sit there.”

James followed Professor McGonagall’s direction to a small chair next to her desk. McGonagall slid several large stacks of typed documents in his direction. James inspected one of them. “Oh, these are the supply lists!” he exclaimed excitedly, peering at the stack for second-years. 

“Yes, Mr. Potter. Please be cautious to not mix the stacks up. We wouldn’t want a first-year purchasing books for seventh-years, and vice versa.”

“Of course, Professor,” he said. 

“Now. You will order the documents as such: welcome letter, supply list, and Hogsmeade permission slip, if their name is marked on this list,” McGonagall said, producing a large, binder-clipped packet of all of the students currently at Hogwarts with her wand. It dropped on the desk with a thud. James groaned. “You will order them in neat piles by year, with the envelope addressed to the correct student on top. Do not insert any documents into the envelope. I will do that later. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Professor,” James mumbled. 

“Start with the first-years,” she ordered, and James nodded. He took off his gloves so he wouldn’t crush the paper.

After a few minutes of quiet, James came across a surname he recognized. Black. “Professor,” he asked excitedly, “Does Sirius have a brother? Regulus Black?” McGonagall peered at the envelope before offering him a tight-lipped smile. 

“Yes, Mr. Potter. He will be joining us in the fall.”

James smiled, hoping that Regulus would be as fun as his brother was before carefully placing the welcome letter and supply list with his envelope. He got back to work, giggling at a few names (seriously, who would name their kid _Bartemius?_ ), but stopped when McGonagall eyed him. 

“Oh Merlin, I completely forgot Annette was coming in the fall,” he groaned. 

“Is there a problem, Mr. Potter?”

“No, she’s Marls’ little sister. She’s scary sometimes. Don’t tell her I said that,” he said hastily. “But she’s sweet. She bakes non-edible cookies for my mum’s birthday. Mum says it’s the thought that counts.” McGonagall chuckled. 

By the time he reached the T’s, he was groaning aloud. 

McGonagall sighed at him. “Mr. Potter, there are less than sixty new students to arrive in the fall. You should be finishing up soon.”

James turned his head to sigh at her. “Well, Professor, my divine Quidditch hands are not used to this sort of labour.” He waggled his fingers at her, and she pressed her fingers to her temples.

“Good Godric. I already told you, you will have to wait for next year to try out.” James pouted. “Just finish with the first-years, and then we can head back.”

“Okay, Professor.”

* * *

After a few more minutes, James had finished. “All done!” he exclaimed, jumping out of his seat and sliding his elbow-length gloves back on. McGonagall’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Excellent work, Mr. Potter. Now, tell me. Is there a particular reason you wear gloves all the time?”

James tensed, then sat back down, chewing on his lip. “It’s to do with one of-- with my soulmate,” he said sadly.

 _One of?_ Minerva’s left eyebrow arched. 

“Is your soulmate in danger?” she asked cautiously, noting his morose expression. James paused for a moment before nodding intensely. McGonagall felt as though a ghost had passed through her. Merlin, she hated it when this sort of thing happened. She sighed, then stood up. “Come with me, Mr. Potter.”

* * *

James shuffled along behind her until they reached her office in Gryffindor Tower. “Have a seat, Mr. Potter.” He sat on the most comfortable-looking chair, biting his lip.

“Am I in trouble?” he asked quietly, and Minerva shook her head vehemently. 

“No! Not at all, Mr. Potter. I just wanted to… make sure you were alright. And let you know I am here, if you ever wanted to talk.” James let out a small ‘oh’ before smiling softly. 

“Have a biscuit, James,” she said, sliding a tin over to him. He was so shocked that she had called him by his first name that he took three biscuits before trying to put them back. “Keep them,” she said. He kept them. “Would you like to talk about what has been troubling you?”

James nibbled around the edges of his biscuit. He liked to eat them in spirals. “Since I was young… my soulmate, well, my first one… all I’ve seen from them has been… well, blood,” he said, biting his lip so he wouldn’t cry. McGonagall pursed her lips, a pained expression on her face. “Twice, they’ve written to me, but… the next morning after the first time was the worst. I’ll remember that morning forever. I don’t think I could forget it even if I tried,” he said, tears slipping out of his eyes. McGonagall passed him a box of tissues, and he took them gratefully. “And... now, I have another soulmate, but I can’t talk to them, because if I do, the first one will be hurt,” he said, sobbing loudly. Professor McGonagall bit her lip before pouring him a warm cup of tea. 

“Here, James.”

“Marlene says I shouldn’t worry about soulmates now,” he cried, pausing to drink the tea, and McGonagall nodded. “She says that it will all come into place later, and that I’m too stressed about it right now. But I want to have connections with my soulmates. I want to hug them and play Quidditch with them, and learn what sort of things they like. And live with them forever.” He dried his eyes with a tissue, and looked up at his teacher. 

“I think Ms. McKinnon is right,” Professor McGonagall said gently. “But I do not think that means you can’t still want a life with your soulmates. Do you know if your first soulmate will be safe soon?” she asked cautiously. 

James sniffled before nodding. “Y-yeah, they said they’ll be at Hogwarts in the fall.” A thought struck him, and his eyes widened. “Professor! Professor, this means-- I read my soulmate’s name today! When I was putting together the envelopes!” he grinned.

Professor McGonagall smiled as well, laughing slightly. “Yes, you did, James.”

“And my other one-- my second soulmate must be a Muggle-born in my year, because they were confused on the night of the Sorting,” he deduced, smiling widely. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of that before!”

“I believe you’ll be alright, James, and so will your soulmates,” McGonagall smiled kindly at him, sipping her own tea. “You are exceptionally kind, and your practical joke... well, even though it was a prank, and I, along with the staff, were the recipients of it, it made people laugh.” James smirked. “No-- Mr. Potter-- I am not condoning that sort of behavior!” 

But it was too late-- James was already doing his victory strut around the room. McGonagall sighed and rubbed her temples with her fingertips. 

“Thank you, Professor, honestly. I really appreciate it,” James said sincerely after he had done three laps around McGonagall’s office.

“Anytime, Mr. Potter. Though I do request that you refrain from dancing in my office. Take a biscuit to go.”

“Thanks, Professor!” He beamed, grabbing a biscuit before smirking and twirling out of the room.

* * *

Sirius trudged up the boys’ stairs, bone-tired after his detention and ready for a long sleep. His arm felt like it was going to fall off. “Shouldn’t there be some rule against manual labour?” he grumbled before opening the door. 

He immediately had an armful of James Potter. He shoved him off and eyed him questioningly. “Sirius! Why didn’t you tell me you had a brother?” Sirius froze, his expression fearful before becoming angry. 

“I don’t have a brother,” he said shortly, pushing past James to go to sleep.

“Really? Ragulius Black isn’t your brother?” 

“It’s Regulus,” Sirius said before he could stop himself. Remus eyed him curiously. Peter was already asleep.

“Oh, I knew I was pronouncing it wrong,” James muttered, and Sirius could hear him smack his forehead. 

“I don’t want to talk about him. Leave it,” Sirius said, kicking off his boots. James dodged one of them expertly and grabbed his still-healing shoulder, beginning to turn him around. 

“C’mon, Sirius, I just wanted to--” two shrieks filled the air.

* * *

Sirius had flinched violently at James’ touch and swung his fist around to connect it with his jaw. James staggered back, his gloved hand touching the tender skin of his jaw. His eyes immediately filled with tears. “What’s your problem? Why are you so upset about Regulus?” he yelled, wiping his hand across his mouth. Blood came off on his glove. His eyes widened. “Oh. Oh no, no, NO !” he yelled, dashing past his roommates to the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror, crying more when he realized the blood had spread to his face. He washed his mouth out frantically, spitting blood into the sink. 

“James? Take deep breaths, okay?” Sirius was there, eyes filled with unshed tears, his knuckles torn a bit but not bleeding. “I’m so sorry, James, I’m sorry-- please, talk to me,” he said, biting his lip hard.

“I need to stop this bleeding,” he cried, washing his mouth out again. He glanced in the mirror. A bruise was darkening on his cheek. He felt something strange in his mouth. He furrowed his eyebrow before moving his tongue around, and spat something out onto a gloved hand. A bloody tooth rested on his palm. “Oh,” he said, slightly relieved. He washed his mouth out again. The bleeding seemed to have stopped. 

“Is everyone alright? Do I need to get Pomfrey?” Remus said in a level tone, eyes flickering between Sirius’ tears and James’ bruised face. 

“No,” James said calmly, taking a deep breath. “Let’s go sit and talk,” he said, leading the way out of the bathroom.

* * *

Remus eyed Sirius, who was standing there, shaking. His wild silver eyes found Remus,’ and he nodded once before striding out of the bathroom and sitting on the chair next to his bed. Remus followed, looking around the room. James was seated on his bed, expression confused and hurt and firm, and Peter had woken up, looking fearfully between Sirius and James. 

“Why didn’t you tell us you have a brother?” James began, looking at Sirius. Remus saw Sirius’ hands clench into fists before he let out a breath.

“Because I don’t like to talk about my family. You know that,” he said bitterly. “Regulus is different. Like me. He’s… better,” he said, his tone becoming lighter. Hopeful, almost.

“Why did you punch me?” James asked, his expression softening a bit. Sirius tensed. Peter gasped, finally finding the bruise on James’ cheek. 

“Because you startled me,” Sirius said simply. “And because I was angry at you,” he admitted.

Remus felt something odd curl in his stomach at the first part of what Sirius said. He didn’t think James had noticed the flinch, but Remus certainly had, and based on what Sirius had already told him about his family, he didn’t think it was anything good.

“Fair enough,” James said. “But in the future, can we settle disputes by talking? Mum and Dad always say talking is better than fighting.” Sirius’ jaw clenched before he nodded.

“Riddle me this, then. Why were you so freaked out by the blood? We deal with cutting up animals in Potions all the time. Why was this different?”

Remus thought that they were both asking excellent questions. He glanced at Peter, who was leaning forward curiously.

“Because of my soulmate,” he explained. “The first one.” His jaw clenched in a challenge, and he added, “that’s all I want to say about it, so please respect my privacy.”

“Fine,” Sirius said, nodding. “I’m sorry for punching you.”

“I’m sorry for grabbing you.” 

“We’re good, then?” Sirius asked, holding his breath.

James smiled. “We’re good.”

“Well, it’s about time!” Peter exclaimed, grinning. “That was the most exciting thing I’ve seen all week.” He yawned, and Remus shot him a look.

“It’s not something that’s supposed to be exciting, Peter. Calm down. But I do think we should all go to bed. It's late,” he sighed. 

“Goodnight, then,” James said, smiling to Sirius.

“Goodnight,” Sirius replied, climbing into bed and closing his curtains. Silence consumed the four Gryffindors, and after a while they were fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> james strutting is CANON
> 
> ragulius black


	19. afflictions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey all!! this is a bit of a longer chapter. a lot happens in this one, with some POV switches, so stick around!!
> 
> featuring: misunderstandings, soulmate writings, angst, quidditch, &professor binns *yawn*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remus' soulmate writing is _**like this**_  
>  sirius' is like _this_
> 
> cw: implied child abuse, mentioned injury, mentioned blood & bruising

_** Go to a healer.  ** _

_?? why do u care. u never cared b4._

_** Because I don’t like seeing your blood all over my back when I take showers. ** _

_it’s dark magic. can’t be healed._

_u know all about that, don’t u ? being a werewolf & all _

_good luck on sunday. I’ll be thinking of u._

_no reply? whatever. be safe. limit the blood this time pls_

Sirius sighed. He should consider this to be progress, honestly. It was the most he and his soulmate had talked since… well, he couldn’t remember the last time they had written to each other. He pulled his shirt down over his stomach, covering the writings, and opened his curtains to see a cranky, freshly showered Remus Lupin packing his bag.

“You’ll be late,” he commented to Sirius, who shrugged. 

“Half-buns do wonders,” he grinned, grabbing his robes before stumbling into the bathroom and locking it behind him.

He tied his hair up in a knot on his head, admiring his reflection for a while before pulling off his shirt. 

_** Thx. Appreciate it. ** _

He smiled at the writing before washing his wounds, gritting his teeth all the while, and applying a generous coating of dittany on them. Thanks to James grabbing his shoulder the night before, some of the slashes had reopened, and the long, painful process of naturally healing Dark magic had restarted. 

“Sirius! Stop admiring yourself and let me use the toilet!” James whined, knocking on the door. 

“Gimme a _minute_ , James, it’s not easy being this gorgeous!” Sirius yelled back, pulling on his shirt and robes. He unlocked the door, and it burst open. James dashed into the toilet stall and locked it behind him. Sirius rolled his eyes, wetting his toothbrush. 

“You’re both going to be late,” Peter commented from the open doorway. “Remus already left, and I’ll be going now. Or, I can wait, if you’d rather?” he asked, biting his lip.

“It’s alright, Pete, go ahead,” Sirius waved him off with a lazy smile. “James still has his daily primping to do.”

“HEY! Don’t talk about my primping as though it’s something horrible,” James said, reappearing from the stall. Sirius moved over to let him wash his hands. Peter saluted the both of them before leaving. “What’s this?” James said, picking up the tin of dittany. Sirius promptly snatched it out of his hands. 

“It’s moisturizer,” he said quickly. “I have dry skin sometimes.”

“Ugh, me too!” James said, frowning. “Mind if I borrow some?” 

Sirius bit his lip before handing it over. “...Sure. But, erm, a little bit goes a long way, alright?” He said nervously, hoping James wouldn’t take too much and that he wouldn’t recognize the distinctive smell of spices.

James took a small amount and rubbed it all over his face, then inspected himself in the mirror. “Hmm. Well, it certainly does make me look shinier. Thanks, mate. Smells rather nice, too! Ready to head down?” Sirius nodded, relieved, taking back the tin from James and placing it carefully among his things.

* * *

_Where have I smelled that before?_

* * *

“...and then he said, and I _quote_ , ‘Brilliant Potion work! I must say, perhaps I was wrong about you after all!’” Marlene said loudly to the table at breakfast. Laughter and rolling of eyes ensued. “Of course, I unfortunately couldn’t take the credit. When I told him it was all James and Sirius’ work, he looked as though I had wounded him,” she sighed dramatically. “Oh! Here they come now,” she grinned, moving aside to make space for them. “I was just telling Lupin and Pettigrew about my not-so-horrible detention with Slughorn.”

“Morning, all,” James said happily. “Marls, glad he turned around!” She squinted her eyes at his shiny face. 

“Why do you look like a vat of oil?”

Remus let out a snort of laughter. James glared at Remus and Marlene before grabbing a piece of toast and reaching across the table for the butter.

“Your bruise is gone,” Peter said in bewilderment as James buttered his toast.

“Really?” James asked, touching a hand to his cheek, as Marlene’s eyes widened and she half-yelled, “Bruise? What bruise?”

“It was my fault,” Sirius, who had been silent until then, said glumly. “I punched him.”

Marlene gasped in shock. “You did _not_.”

“He did,” Remus said plainly. “How is your bruise gone, though? That’s what I’d like to know,” he said, stabbing his eggs with his fork and looking at James pointedly.

“I’m not sure,” James said, furrowing his eyebrows. Sirius’ eyes widened and he stood up suddenly, clenching his stomach.

“Not feeling well. I’ll see you in class,” he managed before running off.

Marlene watched him sprint out of the Great Hall. “Why is everyone acting so odd this morning? I asked Dorcas if she wanted tea and she spilled syrup all over her lap.” Peter and Remus looked at her, concerned. “Then Mary and Lily wouldn’t stop yammering on about some type of beetle-- I have no bloody idea what a ‘rango star’ is!” Remus had to cover his hand with his mouth to stifle his laughter. 

James, who was used to this type of behavior from Marlene, chewed his toast thoughtfully. “Not sure what a ‘rango star’ is either. As for everyone acting crazy-- must be the full moon,” he commented lightly, and Remus dropped his fork on his plate with a clatter before biting his lip and stabbing at a piece of sausage. 

“See?” Marlene complained, gesturing across the table. “Even Lupin is acting weird!” 

Remus was met with three pairs of bright eyes goggling at him. He scowled. “I’m not acting weird.” 

“Yeah, you are, mate,” James said. “You haven’t even had your third helping of breakfast yet!”

Peter laughed while Remus rolled his eyes. “For the record, McKinnon, it’s ‘Ringo Starr.’”

Marlene threw her hands up in exasperation. “WHAT THE _BLOODY_ HELL IS A ‘RINGO STARR?’”

“ _LANGUAGE_ , Ms. McKinnon!” McGonagall yelled over the din of breakfast. Marlene sighed loudly. 

“He’s the drummer for a Muggle band called The Beatles. And please don’t shout next time.”

“Yeah, Marls, please, keep your voice down, it’s shattered my eardrums,” James said, holding his ears and wincing in overexaggerated pain. Marlene smacked his arm. “Ow!”

“Why would a band call themselves after a bug? That makes no sense. All they’re good for is Potions and for stepping on.”

“It’s a play on words. ‘Beat,’ like a musical beat. They’re actually my favorite band as well,” Remus said with a shy smile, a bit of color appearing on his grey-tinged skin. 

“Well then, I’ll be dying for a listen,” Marlene smiled back. 

Peter began, “I like them too, Marl-”

“OH!” James shouted, eyes widening before he stood up sharply. 

Marlene did the same, her eyes blazing instead of shocked. “NO! Don’t you DARE run away from this table, James!” 

James hastily sat down. 

“Explain,” she said.

He let out a sigh. “I knew I recognized the smell somewhere… my mum’s a healer, of course, so I knew,” he said, biting his lip and looking up at his friends.

They exchanged confused looks before Marlene flapped her hand impatiently. “What are you even talking about?”

“Right. It’s not moisturizer, like Sirius said it was-- it’s dittany! He must’ve known I would try to take it from him, and that was his way of giving it to me so my bruise would heal. He really is such a good mate,” he said, smiling brightly.

Marlene and Peter smiled. “Oh, so that’s why you’re all shiny-- that’s so sweet of him, Jamie!”

“You said _Sirius_ gave it to you?” Remus asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Well, yeah. I mean, he tried to take it back at first, but of course he would know how I would react to that sort of thing.”

Before anyone could protest, Remus had up and gone from the table and the Great Hall.

Marlene’s forehead hit the table with a loud _thunk_.

* * *

Remus’ plan to corner Sirius about the dittany was thwarted when he checked his watch and realized that after running around the castle out of breath for fifteen minutes trying to find him, he would be late for History of Magic with the Slytherins.

Remus had become steadily tired over the course of the month. The full moon was on Sunday, and this one felt worse than usual. 

_Finally_ , he thought as he spotted Sirius’ valiant attempts at slouching in the classroom. Before anyone could claim the seat, Remus moved forward quickly and slammed his books down on the desk next to him. 

Sirius jumped, eyebrows reaching his hairline before he let out a scoff. “What.” he stated rather than asked. 

“What, I can’t sit here?” Remus asked, half-out of breath, sliding into the seat. Sirius shrugged.

“Ah, there they are!” James called out from the doorway. 

Severus Snape and Lily Evans, who were trying to get past, scowled at him. They settled into a seat as far away as possible from the Gryffindor boys. James glared at them and plopped down behind Sirius. Peter sat down beside James before Marlene could, and she shrugged and sat next to Mary and Dorcas instead.

As Professor Binns droned on about the Soap Blizzard of 1378, Remus poked Sirius with his finger and hissed, “We need to talk.” Sirius glanced at him, shook his head minutely, and then went back to doodling in the margins of his notes.

Remus tried to pay attention to the lecture, but his mind was elsewhere, spinning with anxiety. _Why had Sirius had dittany in the first place? Why had he tried to take it back instead of just giving it to James? Why did he run off? Is he hurt, or injured somehow?_

James was busy passing notes back and forth with Peter, so Remus couldn’t recruit him for help. And Remus was getting more tired… his eyelids were drooping, and with Professor Binns’ lacklustre teaching method, it was difficult to pay attention. 

“‘Scuse me, Professor, why do we have to learn about a Soap Blizzard again?” a Slytherin asked loudly, her hand raised. Professor Binns sighed. 

“Because, Ms. Podge--”

“Page,” she interjected angrily.

“Do not interrupt. Because, Ms. Gauge, what is important is the burst of the Wizarding economic ‘bubble,’ if you will, right after the Soap Blizzard. Now, if you turn to page 475, you will find…”

Remus would never know what he would find on page 475, because as Professor Binns taught, he was steadily growing more and more drowsy until his elbow slipped from his desk and he fell fast asleep.

* * *

He awoke in the too-familiar sight of the hospital wing, with Madam Pomfrey’s concerned face above his. “Is it Sunday already?” he mumbled incomprehensibly. Her eyes widened and she shook her head minutely. Remus then registered the other faces peering over him.

“Oh, you’re awake! How do you feel?” James asked anxiously, his hands fluttering. Peter was there too, looking worried as usual.

“Fine,” Remus winced, although he felt like someone had stuffed a gallon of pollen in his sinuses and then proceeded to throw bricks at him. 

Madam Pomfrey tutted and flapped her hands at James and Peter, sensing Remus’ pain. “Off you go. You’ve classes to attend to.” James gasped indignantly at the thought of leaving his friend alone.

Remus sat up, although it was a struggle. “I’m going too, Madam Pomfrey, I’m fine, honestly,” he said, squinting at all the light in the room. She glared at him dubiously, but he sent her another pleading look, and she caved. 

“Alright,” she said, letting out a sigh. “I’ll let Professor McGonagall know you aren’t feeling well. Take this, and don’t strain yourself too much. Come back if there’s more pain,” she said pointedly, and he nodded his head in understanding, drinking the healing potion as he did so. It was the perfect excuse for the full moon on Sunday.

As they left the hospital wing, Remus tried his best to ignore the heaviness in his limbs. “...Sirius didn’t come?” he asked quietly, and James and Peter exchanged a look that he couldn’t decipher before turning to him. 

“Erm… yeah, sorry, mate. He’s been off all morning… I think he’s embarrassed about something,” James answered awkwardly, running his hand over the back of his hair.

They entered the Transfiguration classroom, watching Professor McGonagall tug her sleeve a bit further down her arm before glancing up and watching them enter the room. “Ah, there you are,” she said appraisingly, nodding at them. The class swiveled to greet them. That is, everyone except Sirius. She tsked as James attempted to sit next to Sirius. “I am in the midst of assigning seats, Mr. Potter. You will be working with Mr. Snape--” 

“There is no way I am working with _him_ ,” Snape seethed, glaring at James, who was wearing an equally venomous expression. Remus was too tired to intervene. 

“You will if you wish to pass this class, Mr. Snape,” she said cooly. “As I was saying before I was so _rudely_ interrupted-- Mr. Lupin, you will be working with Ms. Evans. And Mr. Pettigrew, you will work with Ms. Page. Off you go,” she said, eyeing them sternly. 

Remus sighed before making his way over to Lily. “Hi,” he said tiredly. She raked her eyes over his drawn face curiously.

“You okay, Lupin?” she asked quietly, as McGonagall explained that they would be transforming mice into teacups. 

“Not really, Evans,” he said honestly, glancing to the front of the class to watch McGonagall perform the spell.

She frowned for him as she scribbled the incantation on her roll of parchment, labelling it neatly. “Anything I can do to help?” she asked, to his surprise. 

He scratched the back of his neck before beginning to shake his head. “Actually… you could answer something for me,” he said, drawing the movement of the wand on his notes. 

“Sure, within reason,” she said after attempting the spell and adjusting her notes accordingly. Remus sighed as he heard Snape and James’ snarky comments.

“Why do you dislike James and Sirius so much? They’re actually really nice blokes,” he said, and Lily huffed angrily.

“Because they insult my best friend on a daily basis, that’s why,” she said, glaring at him before trying the spell again. 

“I wouldn’t say _daily_ ,” Remus said, grabbing his mouse before it ran off of the desk. “And, well, it’s not like it isn’t two-sided,” he pointed out.

Lily sighed, letting the angry tones of James and Severus bless her ears for a few moments before scrunching her nose and turning back to Remus. “I guess you have a point. But I still don’t like the way they act,” she said. “I’ll speak to Sev about it, but… I don’t think this rivalry is good for anyone,” she said. “You’re not all bad, though, Lupin,” she smiled.

“Thanks, I try,” he smiled back. 

Lily successfully turned her mouse into a beautiful china cup with intricate blue and gold detailing. “Here, Remus, try visualizing the end result more…”

* * *

“Well done, class! However, Mr. Potter, Ms. Meadowes, Ms. Evans, Mr. Rabnott, and Mr. Black have the finest teacups in the class. Excellent work, and especially to Mr. Rabnott and Mr. Black for improving so much since the fall term. Five points to Slytherin, and five points to Gryffindor for both of your efforts.” As the class packed up, McGonagall said to Remus sharply, “Good effort today, Mr. Lupin. I believe you have found a good study partner and friend in Ms. Evans. It would be best to keep up with that, as Mr. Black is not the one who might require further assistance.”

Remus nodded embarrassedly before thanking her and exiting the room with Lily and Mary. “Ricky is so sweet, Lils, honestly! And oh _Merlin_ , his smile…” Mary giggled behind a hand as Ricky Rabnott waved to her before catching up with his friends. “And smart, too, he tried to help me with the spell. Oh, hey, Remus! Coming to lunch?” 

Remus smiled tiredly at her. “Hi, Mary. I’ll catch up with you later, I think I’m going to go rest.” He caught Lily’s concerned gaze before leaving to go back to his dormitory. 

No one was there, thankfully, so he locked the door. Thinking about Sirius’ possible predicament all day had reminded him of someone else who was in trouble: his soulmate. He double-checked that the door was locked, pulled off his shirt, uncapped his inkpot, and began to write.

* * *

Back-to-back flying lessons with the Ravenclaws today meant that James could show off. Madame Hooch, a middle-aged witch who had just started her position at Hogwarts a few years prior, blew her whistle, signalling that the students were to all mount their brooms and begin flying. 

James recalled their very first flying lesson back in September: Helle Vane had been so eager to fly and so inexperienced that instead of rising a few feet off the ground, she shot up all the way past Gryffindor Tower before regaining control of her broom. 

It certainly was a story that had not been easily forgotten-- but now, as the first-years rose into the air, James was pleased to hear both of their names among the students that Madam Hooch loudly deemed were excellent fliers. 

“Sirius Black, Benjy Fenwick, Marlene McKinnon, James Potter, Helle Vane, and Emmeline Vance, excellent work! I daresay you may be on your House Quidditch team in your second year! Mr. Turner-- _oh dear_ \-- ! Please mind Mr. McLaggen-- oh, Merlin, there’s another trip to the Infirmary…” Madam Hooch rushed in their direction to make sure a scowling Thelonious McLaggen and Horatius Turner were well enough to take themselves to the hospital wing. James absently wondered how Tiberius and Thelonious could be related-- their only similarity was their blonde hair. Thelonious was cruel and judgemental where Ty was bright and witty. 

“JAMES! DUCK!” Marlene shrieked as the ball they were using as a pretend-Bludger came sailing towards his head. James executed a perfect upside-down half-spin, grinning all the while. 

“Nice shot, Marls!” he yelled back, catching the Quaffle that Helle tossed to him easily. “Though maybe next time try to hit the other team!” He raced toward the hoop that Stebbins was busy guarding, neck and neck with Fenwick. With a high-pitched warrior cry that Professor McGonagall typically liked to refer to as a ‘shriek,’ he launched the Quaffle into the hoop. 

“Awesome!” Helle cheered, high-fiving him. The students had all set up a game of no-Seeker’s Quidditch, with James and Emmeline self-proclaimed captains of each team. 

James’ team consisted of himself, Helle Vane, and Mary Macdonald as Chasers, Phrixus Vane as Keeper, and Dorcas Meadowes and Adrian Fawcett as Beaters.

Emmeline Vance had chosen herself, Benjy Fenwick, and Sirius Black as Chasers, Blaze Stebbins as Keeper, and Marlene McKinnon and Priya Patil as Beaters.

Lily Evans, Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, and the Ravenclaw students who were less proficient in flying were being taught impatiently by Madam Hooch. 

The game was in play again-- Emmeline had tossed the Quaffle to Sirius, who fumbled, causing Mary to sweep in and catch it with a quiet whoop of excitement. Dorcas and Marlene, on opposing teams, appeared as though they were playing racquetball by the way they launched a fake-Bludger back and forth. Marlene finally succeeded in faking out Dorcas, sending the ball flying across Mary’s path, allowing Benjy to intercept her with a grin. James swooped in from underneath, causing Benjy to stumble in the air and drop the Quaffle. James caught it with a grin and scored again on Stebbins, his hands high in the air.

“That’s seventy-fifty! Take _that_!” he grinned, cheering.

“First one to a hundred and fifty wins!” Emmeline yelled, and everyone shouted in agreement. “Group huddle first!”

James gathered his team together determinedly. “Alright, team. We can do this! We’ve just got to keep it at the same pace we’ve been going,” he said, panting. “Phrixus, up your game a bit. You can’t be afraid of getting hit in order to save a shot,” he said intensely, and Helle cackled. “Dorcas, amazing job. I’ve played with Marlene since I was a kid, and for you to keep up with her, well--”

“It’s sheer determination, Potter,” she interrupted with a devious grin. “I want to win against her as much as you do.”

“That’s the spirit!” he cheered, and high-fived whoever’s hand was available. “Fawcett, same idea as Phrixus. You can’t be afraid! Quidditch is all about having fun. Look at Mary, I mean, remember, back in October she was too scared to even get on a broom, and now she’s stealing the Quaffle from Sirius left and right!”

Helle cheered, nudging a blushing Mary. “Thanks, James,” Mary said shyly.

“I just preach the truth,” he beamed. “Helle, I don’t even have any tips for you, you’re bloody amazing and already as ferocious as can be.”

“Likewise,” she grinned.

“Now, I want us to get out there, and show them what we’re made of! _Who’s with me?_ ” He placed his hand in the center of their circle, and soon everyone’s hands were in the middle. “On three, winners! One, two, three-”

“ _Winners!_ ” they yelled, grabbing their brooms and rising into the air with identical grins.

* * *

Sirius hadn’t been as glum about his team losing as James had been excited for his team’s win. As they trudged back up to their dormitories after supper, he was still prattling on about it.

“I mean, I can’t believe it! Helle with the winning point-- And Phrixus saving that one goal! It was bloody amazing! Who would’ve thought? The wonder twins!”

“Yeah, I believe you’ve told us this about a dozen times already, mate,” Sirius grinned, punching his arm lightly. 

Remus snorted. “A dozen is an understatement.”

“Oh, bugger off, I’m just excited,” James whined, leading the way up the stairs and flopping onto his bed.

“I don’t think Marlene is,” Remus pointed out.

James sighed. “Oh, she’ll get over it. She’s resilient and all,” he grinned. “Besides, she’s happy that Hooch found potential in her.”

“All this Quidditch talk is making me tired,” Sirius sighed before pulling his muddied boots off of his feet. “Plus, it was freezing in the air. I feel like my limbs are frozen,” he complained, taking his hair tie out of his messy hair and setting it on his bedside table.

“Pete, how’s flying going? You able to command the broom yet?” James asked, electing to ignore Sirius. 

Remus evidently took this as an invitation to talk to Sirius about earlier, because he appeared in front of him in seconds. 

Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “What.” 

“I want to talk,” Remus said.

“I don’t,” Sirius said, clenching his jaw. “If this is about-”

“I know about the dittany,” Remus interrupted, and Sirius bit his lip hard.

“What’s that?” he said, feigning innocence. 

“You really think you can lie, huh?” Remus laughed. “C’mon, Sirius,” he said gently, sitting on his bed. “You can talk to me. Are you hurt?”

“No. I’m not hurt! Leave me alone,” he fumed, pushing Remus off of his bed and closing his curtains. “I don’t want to talk to you. Good _night_.”

With that, Sirius deftly did a locking charm on his curtains and a silencing charm, then with shaking hands undid his robes and pulled off his shirt to re-inspect his wounds.

He was glad for the silencing charm, because without it, his roommates certainly would have come running from his gasp of shock. All over his torso was ink-- the most he had ever seen in his life. All written to him. He began to read.

_** I don’t know who you are. All I know is that you’re my soulmate. ** _

_** I know we haven’t talked in awhile. You already know about my condition, so I guess this can’t really be that harmful. Right? ** _

_** All my life my parents have told me that I can’t tell anyone about me being a werewolf. But this is for your own good, and you already know. Oh, I guess I already said that. Anyway.  ** _

_** I’m writing because I don’t want you to be hurt. You told me Dark magic can’t be healed easily, but I’m walking proof that it can be. Visit a healer, or if you’re not comfortable with that, visit the apothecary. Black Elderberry has done the trick for me. Dittany, although soothing, really doesn’t do much against Dark magic. But what you most need is a healer, someone who knows the ins and outs of medicine and healing.  ** _

_** I won’t pretend that I have been a good soulmate. I haven’t. But I know that if you met me, you wouldn’t like me. This is just something we have to live with, I guess. I hope you take my advice.  ** _

_** (And I do care. I always have. Even though I didn’t show it. For that, I am sorry.) ** _

Sirius brought his hands to his eyes, letting out small gasps of sobs as he reread his soulmate’s words. _I do care. I always have. I am sorry._ He said them aloud, whispered them, thought them, shouted them, tasted how they felt on his tongue. Because no one could hear him, and he would revel in the fact that someone cared for him for as long as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heheh did u find the hidden soulmates ??? hint hint,,, wlw,,, tired x tired ;)
> 
> also,, latin joke!!! aka horatius turner = time turner . damn 
> 
> i love the beatles, dont hate me
> 
> james potter. thats it. thats the tweet.
> 
> as for ragulius? stay tuned ;)


	20. cedar and salt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dorcas meadowes. marlene mckinnon. powerful women. that's the tweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihi hope u enjoy,, ive posted a lot over the past few days so if u haven't caught up recently i suggest going to chapter 13 and starting from there!
> 
> <3  
>  **  
>  _marlene's writing_  
> **  
>  __  
> dorcas' writing  
>  enjoy!!!  
> 

Dorcas Meadowes giggled as a drawing of a toad flying a broomstick graced her thigh. Her soulmate must’ve smudged her hand over the drawing, because as Dorcas watched the ink appear on her skin, the tail end of the broom became messy and her wrist turned the same black color as the ink. 

_**oops! ;P** _

Dorcas smiled at the little face her soulmate wrote. 

_ haha. what’s their name? the toad ?? _

_**hmm… haven’t thought of it yet! any ideas?** _

_ merlin _

_**HAHA** _

_ I’m serious !! _

_**hehe did u mean Sirius?** _

_**(inside joke, sorry)** _

Dorcas froze, her heart hammering in her chest. Sirius, as in Sirius Black? That meant her soulmate knew him somehow.

_ oh. do u go to hogwarts? _

_**yeah. wait, do u know sirius too?** _

_ yes, he’s in my year _

Dorcas didn’t want to give too much information away. After all, how many M.M.’s were there at Hogwarts? Of course, there was Marlene and Mary in her dorm, but it would be too coincidental for her to be soulmates with either of them. Besides, Marlene was always blushing whenever Sirius so far as looked in her direction, and Mary kept gushing about Samuel and Tiberius and Ricky whenever she got a chance. Definitely not either of them.

**_oh, nice_ **

The drawing resumed, and M.M. drew a little witch hat and a snitch next to the toad. Dorcas carefully drew stars above M.M.’s drawing.

**_cute!!!_ **

Dorcas smiled, before testing out her funny poetry again.

_ Merlin, I would be so lucky  
To have a portrait of a ducky  
_

_Atop the tower of Ravenclaw  
Near, far, or wherever they are_

_ One of my friends hates Slytherins  
I say, ‘Well, at least they win _

_ Quidditch games every quarter’  
Or so I’ve heard, I’m not a reporter _

_ What do you think of my poems, M.M.?  
I hope that we are friends. _

_**AMAZING!!!!!! I LAUGHED SO HARD!** _

_**one of my friends dislikes slytherins too, i suppose it’s a common trait in hogwarts ;(** _

_**and of course we are friends. <3 <3 <3 :D** _

Dorcas beamed, smiling at M.M.’s hearts. 

_**what should i call you? we’ve been talking for ages, i feel like i know you better than i know myself sometimes** _

_ me too. <3 _

Dorcas bit her lip. She didn’t want to give too much away. So she settled on a nickname that was as inconspicuous as possible.

_ u can call me aero _

_**like the chocolate bar?? yum ! i haven’t tried them yet, as they’re Muggle, but i’ve heard they’re delish** _

_**it’s good to have a name to the handwriting, aero. :)** _

_ you too, m.m. :) _

_**talk later! time for classes!!** _

_ same !  _

Dorcas covered her leg with a smile, exiting the privacy of her curtained four-poster and tugging her sleeve over her wrist a bit. “Oh, hey, Marlene,” she smiled at her friend as she emerged from the bathroom.

“Oh! Hi, Dorcas,” she smiled, tucking something behind her back. 

“Want to head down to Defence together?”

Marlene looked a bit panicked. “Oh-- sure, I’ll meet you in the common room, okay?” 

“Alright,” Dorcas said, smiling kindly at her friend before heading downstairs. 

She spotted several students reclining by the fire, namely Marlene’s older brother and his friend McLaggen, along with Longbottom, a couple Slytherins, and a Hufflepuff. 

“Oi! You’re Marlene’s friend, aren’t you? Er… Meadowes?” Samuel asked. Dorcas, who was clutching her books to her chest, nodded. Samuel grinned. “Oh, excellent! Her birthday is coming up, in March. The 22nd. I was hoping I could get your input, as well as her other friends,” he grinned. 

Dorcas beamed. “Oh, of course! I’d love to. I’ll let Lily and Mary know. And Potter and Black too, I know she’s close with them.” 

Sam smiled. “Great! Yeah, James is helping me plan, so just let me or him know if you’ve got any que- oh, hey Marly! Wow, you look… excited,” he grinned. 

_Excited is a bit of an understatement_ , Dorcas thought as she turned around to see a wild-eyed Marlene McKinnon.

“I just can’t wait for Defence! We’re learning Knockback Jinxes today. Honestly, Sam, you are so bloody infuriating sometimes,” she grumbled, saluting to the Slytherin girl and McLaggen before linking Dorcas’ arm with hers. “Anyway, shouldn’t you be off to class by now? Stop bothering Dorcas.”

The third-years laughed. “Marlene! Flitwick cancelled their class. They’ve got a free period, obviously, so you’re the one that’s going to be late,” the Hufflepuff cackled, earning twin slaps on his arm from the two Slytherins. “I’m just skipping mine, though.”

Marlene winced. “Bollocks! Dorcas, we better run, I don’t want to get another detention.” 

Dorcas hastily waved to the group of third-years as Marlene tugged her out of the common room. 

They made it in the nick of time. Professor Yew, a rather strict, but kind man who looked as though he had just graduated Hogwarts, welcomed them inside with a piercing gaze. They were paired with the Ravenclaws again today, to Dorcas’ excitement. She had made good friends with Emmeline Vance since their first Herbology class, and she was both a powerful ally and fun to compete against. Dorcas noticed that Marlene, on the other hand, tried to impress the Vane twins any chance she got. 

“Sorry you had to endure my brother and his friends,” Marlene whispered as they sat down, ignoring Professor Yew’s seating arrangements. “They can be annoying sometimes.”

“Oh, it’s okay,” Dorcas said amusedly. “They’re not all that bad, really.”

Marlene looked at her as though she was crazy before raising an eyebrow.

“I’m an only child, so it’s cool to see siblings interact the way you do. I can tell you really love each other,” Dorcas said gently.

Marlene bit her lip before letting out a sigh and nodding. “Yeah, we do,” she grumbled. “They’re fun, at least,” she said, before her lips quirked up in a smile. Dorcas laughed.

“Ms. McKinnon! I believe I instructed you to be paired with Ms. Vane,” Professor Yew said, and Marlene shot up excitedly. 

“Seeya, Meadowes!” she winked before making her way over to her equally intense Ravenclaw friend.

“Professor, could I be paired up with Dorcas?” Emmeline said loudly, already halfway over to Dorcas’ seat.

“Er--” Professor Yew began, and Emmeline took that as a yes. “Oh, Merlin. These are truly disastrous combinations,” he muttered to himself.

It seemed, at least from Dorcas’ vantage point, that each and every student had paired themselves with either their magical rival or best friend. It would amount to a lot of visits to Pomfrey, probably. Dorcas was just glad that they weren’t doing this with the Hufflepuffs, because with Dedalus Diggle’s penchant for explosions, the whole class would likely be vaporized before they even began spellcasting.

“Professor Flitwick has been kind enough to join us today,” Professor Yew said with a slight smile, scratching the skin on his hand. “He currently stands as the greatest duelling champion that the wizarding world has ever seen!”

“Oh, you are far too kind, Ayon,” he chuckled, entering the room to raucous applause. “Hello, hello! Wonderful to see all of you promising students here. Now, Ayon-- apologies-- Professor Yew has so graciously extended an offering for me to help teach the Knockback Jinx today.”

“Oh, so that’s why Sam’s class was cancelled!” Dorcas could hear Marlene whisper loudly across the room and James’ subsequent cackle.

“Correct, Ms. McKinnon!” Flitwick chirped, and Dorcas laughed quietly behind her hand at Marlene’s reddened ears. “Now, we need two students to demonstrate… Ms. McKinnon, how about having a go at it?” Flitwick said cheerily, smiling in her direction. 

“Oh-- uhm-- are you sure, Professor?” Marlene said nervously. 

“Of course, Ms. McKinnon. I am completely sure in your capability as a student.”

Dorcas smiled as she watched Marlene beam at the praise. “Nice work, McKinnon,” Helle said, grinning while nudging her arm. Dorcas frowned a bit as she watched Marlene nudge her back. Why did seeing Helle and Marlene get along so well make her feel… left out somehow? Forgotten? 

“And for my competitor, I shall choose... Mr. Turner,” Professor Yew said smoothly. Dorcas winced as she watched the cruel Horatius stand up with a bored expression.

It would be a spectacular match-- icy, calculating Horatius combating Marlene’s intense ferocity. 

Dorcas tried not to watch Helle’s reactions as Marlene stepped up to the front of the class.

“Horatius knows a lot of advanced spells,” Emmeline whispered in her ear as he walked to the front.

“Marlene is the most naturally powerful witch of our year,” Dorcas shot back pridefully.

“Hmm,” Emmeline grinned, “this’ll be a good duel, then. Between you and me, though, if it weren’t for House pride and all that, I’d be rooting for McKinnon.”

Dorcas grinned. “Who says you can’t root for her anyway?”

“Class, who can tell me what the Knockback Jinx will achieve?” Professor Yew began, writing ‘Knockback Jinx’ on the chalkboard. Marlene practically fell over in her efforts to raise her hand. Phrixus’ hand raised cautiously. “Yes, Mr. Vane?” 

Marlene sighed in defeat, shooting a pleading look to Dorcas, who just raised her eyebrow.

“The Knockback Jinx is a spell used to ‘knock back’ an opponent or object, hence the name,” Phrixus said, and smiled at his desk when Professor Yew affirmed his point.

“Correct, Mr. Vane. Can anyone draw the wand movement for me? Ms. Patil, perhaps? No, alright, then, who else?”

Lily, who had been taking notes diligently, stood up with a smile. “I can, Professor!”

“Very well, Ms. Evans, have a go at it.” 

Professor Flitwick looked on with pride as his star pupil correctly drew the wand movement on the board. “Very well done, Ms. Evans!”

“Yes, Ms. Evans, good work,” Professor Yew said tightly, offering her a small smile. 

“ _Excellent_ work, Ms. Evans!” James yelled, standing up and clapping loudly. Sirius immediately did the same with a grin, adding in a whoop of excitement. Lily’s ears turned bright red, and soon Marlene joined in the clapping. 

“Brilliant!” 

“Superb!”

“ _Stupendous!”_

Before Dorcas knew it, almost the entire class was applauding, even her. 

“Yay, Lily!” Mary whispered encouragingly as Lily returned to her seat. 

“This is mortifying,” Lily mumbled, her entire face the shade of a beet. 

“ _I_ thought it was fun,” Dorcas added, smirking.

“As… _enthused_ as I am that you are all proud of Ms. Evans, I must ask that you lower your tones. The next class over is currently taking a pop quiz,” Professor Yew said sternly, and James let out a shriek of laughter. 

“Oh dear,” Professor Flitwick giggled. 

Professor Yew sighed again. “Now, Professor Flitwick, if you would be so kind as to demonstrate on me,” he said, bracing himself for impact. All of the students leaned forward excitedly.

“ _Flipendo!_ ” Professor Flitwick shouted. There was a loud bang, and Professor Yew flew backwards through the air, flipping once before hitting the cushions behind him. 

“Wow!” Dorcas, Marlene, Helle, and Emmeline breathed in unison. 

“That was incredible!” Marlene shouted, her eyes shining. 

“Yes, it was, Ms. McKinnon,” Professor Yew said with a smile, standing up and dusting off his trousers. “Professor Flitwick, remind me to never get on your bad side,” he chortled.

“Oh, you are too kind, Ayon. Now, Ms. McKinnon, Mr. Turner, are you ready to practice the Knockback Jinx on each other?”

Horatius nodded stiffly as Marlene grinned, gripping her wand. Dorcas and Emmeline grasped hands tightly, gearing up to watch. 

The two assumed their duelling stances, and as Professor Yew counted down from five, Marlene began by shouting, “ _Flipendo!_ ” 

Horatius was clearly anticipating her excitement to try the spell, because before she could finish the wand movement, he had dodged to the side. “ _Rictusempra!_ ” A powerful jet of silver shot out from his wand, hitting Marlene square in the chest, and she doubled over, gasping in laughter. Dorcas quietly urged her to fight back, and by the way Emmeline was crushing the bones in her hand, she was too.

“Hey, that’s a second-year spell!” Lily shouted indignantly as James yelled, “Get up, Marls! You got this!”

“ _Engorgio Skullus!_ ” she managed to wheeze angrily, and Horatius’ head swelled to three times its size. Flitwick tittered anxiously, him and Yew trying to separate the two to no avail. 

“Get her, Turner!” Thelonious growled.

“ _Flipe-_ ”

“ _FLIPENDO!_ ” Marlene yelled, letting out a powerful surge of magic, and Horatius flew halfway across the room before landing with a wheeze on a cushion. 

Dorcas couldn’t breathe. Had she really just witnessed such raw power? Marlene, looking a bit shaken, had dashed across the classroom to help Horatius up. Dorcas glanced at Emmeline, whose eyes were widened in fear and awe. 

“ _Jesus_ ,” Lily whispered.

“Oh, I saw,” Dorcas said as a reply. Lily glanced at her quizzically before directing her attention to Marlene.

“Ah, Turner, is your head okay?” Marlene asked Horatius worriedly, and Professor Flitwick was there in an instant to shrink it back down to its normal size. Horatius regarded her for a moment before standing up and offering his hand.

“All in all, a good duel,” he said, and Marlene shook his hand. 

* * *

Marlene’s surge of power in Defence Against the Dark Arts was all anyone could talk about for the next week. Both her and Horatius had received thirty points for each of their Houses for “a truly inspiring duel.”

Remus, who had missed the whole thing as he was apparently sick with a cold in the hospital wing, was regaled with plenty of tales of Marlene’s impressive force of magic. Most of the Gryffindors, being proud of their Housemate, had spread the story to all of their classes. Sam, Tiberius, and Frank had especially made a big show of it, hanging up a giant poster in the Gryffindor common room that read: “MARLENE MCKINNON BE TAKIN’ THE WINNIN!’” Every breakfast, James and Sirius would loudly make a scene about how “Mage McKinnon” was to not be interrupted.

Marlene received more high-fives that week than she had in her life.

The Gryffindor girls had taken to spending time with Helle, Emmeline, and Priya in the Ravenclaw common room over the weekends, and that’s where Marlene found herself on Friday evening.

“I swear, you could even _smell_ it!” Helle said excitedly in the Ravenclaw common room for the hundredth time, throwing her arm around Marlene with a grin. Marlene blushed and attempted to swat her off. 

“Helle, you realize no one other than you and Phrixus can smell magic, right?” Emmeline said with a sigh.

“Wait, you guys can _smell_ magic?” Dorcas asked, her eyes widening in excitement. “How does that even work?”

“I dunno,” Helle said with a happy sigh. “Though it’s only if it’s super mega powerful. Phrixus reckons it’s got something to do with the fact that we’re twins.”

“Well, I dunno about that, since Pratik and I can’t smell magic,” Priya Patil said with a frown. Helle shrugged.

“So you can smell Marlene’s magic, then?” Mary asked curiously, leaning her head on Lily’s shoulder with a sigh. Lily smiled, playing with her friend’s hair. Mary closed her eyes.

“Well… yeah. Actually, I can smell… most of yours. And mine, of course,” Helle joked good-naturedly, flipping her braid over her shoulder with a small laugh. The other girls laughed along with her. 

“What’s my magic smell like, then?” Marlene asked curiously, leaning forward, her elbows propped on her knees. Dorcas carefully watched the way Marlene’s light eyes hungrily drank in the thought of her own magic. 

“Like a campfire,” Helle said intensely, and the girls huddled together closely. “Like… cedar, and firewood, and… heat.”

Dorcas watched as Marlene bit her already-chapped lips. 

“Sort of opposite from Dorcas, though. Dorcas’ is like a river,” Helle began, and Dorcas startled.

“My magic is... is powerful enough that you can smell it?” she asked, her eyebrows furrowed. Marlene shot her a reassuring smile.

“Well, duh,” Helle grinned at her. “It smells like water. I’m not sure how else to describe it. But it feels like… flowing. Not cold, not hot, but… warm. And a bit salty,” she added thoughtfully, poking Marlene’s shoulder with a grin.

“I like the ocean,” Priya added, resting her head on Emmeline’s lap. Emmeline patted her dark hair absentmindedly, letting out a yawn.

“It’s so cool you can do that, Helle,” Lily added as she gently shook Mary awake.

A small chorus of ‘yeah’ arose.

“Well. I’m knackered,” Marlene supplied for everyone, and the girls nodded. 

Helle removed her arm from around Marlene’s shoulders, and stood up to escort the Gryffindors out. Emmeline and Priya waved halfheartedly from the couch. 

“Come again soon!” Helle whisper-shouted from inside Ravenclaw tower, hugging all four of them tightly before they stepped into the hallway. 

“Bye!” Marlene said with a smile, taking Dorcas by the elbow. Lily was struggling to tug Mary along, who was anxiously whining about some sort of fruit. 

“Dorcas! Marlene!” Lily half-yelled, “a little help?”

“Sorry, Lils,” Marlene said with a grin, helping haul Mary up.

Dorcas arrived at their side as well, supporting the three of them.

“Suppose we’ll get to the Tower in time?” Dorcas asked.

“Definitely not,” Mary mumbled sleepily, and Marlene and Lily laughed.

* * *

_**goodnight, aero :)** _

_ goodnight, m.m. :) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah anyway i love witches !!!
> 
> i've got my ayon yew ;))
> 
> lolol
> 
> puns !!!!
> 
> up next: bellatrix & jegulus
> 
> ((possible quidditch match ??????))


	21. deianira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james and regulus communicate, but the consequences are tragic. the gryffindor girls have a heart-to-heart. bellatrix mulls things over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _  
>  regulus' soulmate writing  
>  _   
>  _james' soulmate writing_
> 
> _thoughts_ (context clues babey)
> 
> PLEASE pay attention to the cw, this chapter is rather graphic. if the chapter seems too triggering, let me know in the comments if you would like a rundown of what happened without anything graphic. take care of yourselves <3 quick spoiler: the injury is not caused by abusive parents this time around
> 
> **cw: self harm, vomiting, blood, graphic injury, compulsory heterosexuality, internalized homophobia, past suicidal thoughts/intent, past bullying, mentioned child abuse, thoughts of abandonment, imprisonment (sort of, think rapunzel)**

Life at Grimmauld Place was boring, to say the least. Regulus was left to his own devices much of the time, sent to his room to either draw or read, or expected to sit pleasantly for whenever Bellatrix and his Aunt Druella and Uncle Cygnus came over. 

Regulus didn’t exactly mind it. At least it was better than when Sirius was home. There was much less shouting. Even though Sirius wasn’t there to play with him, he preferred the quiet.

Though Sirius being gone had its disadvantages as well. No one was there to stick up for him when he messed up the Tapestry Test. No one was there to take the slaps when he spoke too quietly. No one was there to urge him to fight back. No one was there to tell him it would all be okay. 

He was well and truly alone.

Regulus had given up on Sirius ever replying to him. He was too scared to ask Andromeda about it. But Sirius, with his lack of letters, had proven that he didn’t care for his little brother. 

_Did he ever care for me at all?_

Regulus decided that if Sirius wouldn’t respond to him, he would communicate with the one person who would: his soulmate. It couldn’t hurt, right?

_ Hi, soulmate. _

_ Is it weird for you, that we are soulmates? _

_ I have never really had a friend before. Are we friends? _

Regulus waited for half the day, staring at his torso impatiently before finding a response.

_hello, #1!! I’m so glad to hear that ur ok, I was getting worried :)_

_& yes, of course we are friends !! that is, if you want to be_

Regulus smiled. #1 meant the same as the best. And his soulmate was worried about him!

_ I would like that. _

_ :) _

_#2, I already told u I’m sorry :(_

_I can’t contact 1 until they contact me first._

Regulus’ heart sank, and he bit his lip harshly as he traced the words onto his skin.

_ Oh. Am I causing issues with your other soulmate? I can go, then.  _

_no!!!!!_

_please don’t go away again, 1. everything is fine, promise :)_

_ Oh, alright then :) _

_ur smiley faces r cute, by the way._

_oh, and 2, I have a cat as well!! I forgot to tell u last time. what are ur cats’ names? mine is called Deianira. It means man-destroyer in Greek. My mum named her. she acts like a dog with all the guarding she does!! But she is sweet deep down. Deep, deep down ;)_

Regulus was warmed by the story of his soulmate’s cat, and found himself smiling, something that he hadn’t done since Sirius was home. 

_ Deianira seems sweet. I have never met a cat. Are they ferocious creatures? Mother says all dogs are mangy. I saw a stray on the street outside the window once. _

_never met a cat?! r u Rapunzel or something??_

_& they are nice, independent creatures. they get a bad rep._

_2, ur cats sound so cute!! I want to pet them! I bet Heathcliff is fluffy._

_ I’m not a girl. Definitely not Rapunzel. Besides, she lived in a tower, with long blonde hair. Also, cats sound intriguing. I am rather independent as well. _

_Oh, ur a bloke, then? Me too!_

Regulus froze. This had to be a joke. His soulmate couldn’t be… a boy. That was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

_ You can’t be a boy, I’m a boy. _

_ You’re joking, right? _

_No ? why would i joke about that_

Regulus felt sick.

_It’s okay, honestly. I know it might be scary to think of liking someone of the same gender, or maybe you’ve been taught that it’s bad, but it’s normal. So many people are this way. And soulmates exist for a reason, right?_

Regulus yanked his shirt down over his torso before unlocking his bedroom door and stumbling to the bathroom, falling to his knees on the cold floor and retching in the toilet. His trembling hands found his face and before he knew what he was doing he was scratching at his cheeks, his torso, his wrists, wherever he could reach, dragging his nails down his skin anxiously. 

_Wrong, wrong, wrong,_ his mind echoed, and he threw up again.

* * *

“James, you’re bleeding,” Remus commented frightfully as James emerged from his four-poster late Friday evening. James went pale and dashed into the bathroom, his roommates following him. 

“No, not again,” he wailed, rubbing desperately at his slightly bloodied cheeks.

Sirius watched in horror as more blood blossomed on his face. “Stop it! _Stop it!_ You can stop it, can’t you?” he yelled, grabbing his tin of dittany and smearing a copious amount on James’ face. This certainly warranted the use of it. But it did nothing. James’ cheeks were still bleeding, and now his wrists were becoming scratched open too.

“I’m getting McGonagall,” Peter squeaked, and ran out of the room, leaving the door wide open.

“James, breathe,” Remus said sharply to a hyperventilating James.

“Oi, have you all been having a party without us?” Tiberius yelled, bursting into the room and paling at the sight that greeted him. “Oh. Oh Merlin-- SOMEONE GET MCGONAGALL!” he shouted, running out again. 

James was crying now, tears shining against the blood on his cheeks as he and Sirius helplessly watched nail marks rake across his skin in the form of blood. Remus was trying to calm the both of them down when McGonagall rushed into the room in her nightgown, her face ashen. 

“James, Sirius, Remus, please, look at me,” she said calmly, kneeling in front of the three of them so they were eye-to-eye. It took a longer time for Sirius and James to look up at her, utterly transfixed as they were by the blood appearing on James’ skin. McGonagall tried to not look at the blood on James’ face, knowing that right now, it was her job to keep everyone calm. 

“I know this is difficult for all of you right now, especially James. I will take you three to the Infirmary to get some Calming Draughts and some Dreamless Sleep. If you wish, I or a Mind Healer are able to speak about the matter. We want what’s best for you, and your soulmate.” James’ lip wobbled, and Minerva placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go downstairs now, okay? Off to the Infirmary we go.” James nodded, Sirius looked dazed, and Remus was frowning at the horrors he had just witnessed. 

Professor McGonagall made sure they were all following her before heading down to the common room. 

Various Gryffindors were standing or seated in the common room, watching the four of them head down the stairs with bated breath. Tiberius’ shrieking had alerted everyone to what was going on, and several students were clutching each other worriedly.

McGonagall was trying to shield James as much as possible, but Lily Evans caught sight of the blood marring his face and gasped. 

“M-Marls,” James gasped right before they exited the portrait hole, “I need Marlene,” he said, letting out a sob.

“I’m right here, James,” Marlene said, at his side instantly. She squeezed his hand tightly. 

Remus watched McGonagall write something on her hand as they walked to the Infirmary. He noticed how Sirius’ posture was straight instead of slumped like he had been practicing, and his silver eyes seemed far away. “Sirius,” he said quietly, earning no response. It was like he wasn’t even there.

* * *

Remus had explained to Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall in great detail what had happened, and Poppy had sent him and Marlene back to Gryffindor Tower after she had made him discreetly drink an extra Healing Potion. Thankfully, Gryffindor Prefect Marietta Davis had been on patrol outside the Infirmary, and had taken the two first-years back without any sort of trouble. 

“Oh, those poor boys,” Poppy Pomfrey wiped away a tear as she watched over the sleeping forms of James and Sirius. 

“I know, Poppy,” Minerva McGonagall sighed, clutching her soulmate’s hand tightly. “I’m just glad the bleeding has stopped now. James would have been in a right state, understandably, if he woke up and it was still there.” Poppy nodded, resting her head on Minerva’s shoulder.

“What I want to know is,” Poppy began, her tone dark, “how did Sirius Black get ahold of dittany? And why on earth did he have it in the first place?”

* * *

Regulus, after a long while, realized that he was drawing blood, and shakily got up from the bathroom floor to clean himself.

 _It’s different without Sirius to help me,_ he thought bitterly, trying to expel the fact that his soulmate was a boy out of his mind as he washed his skin with cold water, gritting his teeth.

_Why am I the one who always suffers? Why am I the one who is hurt, ignored, robbed of things Sirius gets so easily? I know Mother and Father love me, but they pay more attention to Sirius. Why has Sirius not responded to my letters? Why is my soulmate a boy? Why me? Why me?_

_Why?_

For once, Regulus was appreciative that his salty tears warmed his face.

* * *

“Are… um, are Potter and Black alright?” Lily asked hesitantly, breaking the silence of her dormitory. The girls’ fun evening with the Ravenclaws had been dampened after James and Sirius’ trip to the hospital wing. Marlene had been pleased to see that her friends had stayed awake for her return back to their room. The four of them were huddled together on the fluffy rug in the center of their room.

“They’re sleeping,” Marlene answered solemnly. “I dunno about Sirius, but James was pretty shaken up this time.”

“‘This time?’” Mary asked quietly, her soft blue eyes sharp in the moonlight.

Marlene bit her lip before nodding. “Y-yeah. This sort of thing, with his soulmate, has always happened. But… it’s never been… self-inflicted, like that,” she said, breathing shakily.

“How could someone even want to hurt themselves like that?” Lily asked mournfully, shaking her head.

“I don’t know the circumstances, but… I think I understand,” Mary whispered, hugging her arms around herself tightly. 

Dorcas moved closer to her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “What do you mean, Mary?” she asked gently. “You don’t have to tell us, of course, only if you want to.”

Mary looked up then, at her friends and their identical solemn faces, and decided that she trusted them.

“I mean, obviously, my situation isn’t the same as whoever James’ soulmate is,” she began in that soft way of hers, “but… I was bullied a lot, as a kid. Muggle kids are a lot meaner than witches and wizards, believe it or not. They don’t have hexes or jinxes, so they use their words and their fists instead.” 

“For a while, everything felt… really hopeless,” Mary continued, her voice getting smaller. Lily swallowed a lump in her throat. “They teased me every day. They told me I was worthless, and I believed them.”

Marlene clenched her hands tightly, tears slipping out of her eyes. She wanted to hurt whoever had made Mary feel like that.

“So I became quiet. I didn’t talk to anyone, didn’t talk back, just… took it. And one day I thought that my life would be better if I wasn’t around to see it.”

Lily began to cry silently, and Dorcas gripped the rug under their feet with shaking hands. Marlene looked like her world had been shattered. 

“I would have tried. To… to kill myself. But my parents found me before I could do anything. They transferred me out of schools. And then a couple years later, I got my Hogwarts letter. And being friends with you all has made me so glad I hadn’t tried back then. You mean the world to me,” she said, smiling at the three girls. 

“Can I hug you, Mary?” Lily asked through her tears, and Mary nodded, smiling warmly. This was all the confirmation anyone needed to launch themselves into her arms. 

Mary chuckled, tears slipping out of her eyes. “You mean the world to us, too,” Dorcas said.

“No witch left behind,” Marlene added fiercely.

“That’s right,” Lily said, squeezing them all together tightly. “We’re unstoppable.”

* * *

Bellatrix Black, the eldest daughter of Druella Rosier Black and Cygnus Black Ⅲ, had a diary. It was a secret, naturally. In this diary, she wrote down all that she could not on her arms, and all that she could not speak aloud. One such entry went as follows:

_Dearest Marcella,_

_I know you do not understand. But it is not for you to understand. I have to do this. I have to be a Black. And what you would hate most is that I like it. I am cruel, and sadistic, and supposedly our magic decided that you did not deserve someone better._

_I did have a choice. And I chose being Bellatrix Black. That is my birthright. It is who I am. Even though we were meant to be together, it was not and never will be your choice to make. _

_I understand that I hurt you. Do I feel remorse? That is a difficult question to answer. What is remorse? Is it the same as regret? Because if I had a choice, of starting everything over, I would choose being a Black time and time again. Though if I did not have a choice, and if I could be with you forever, perhaps I would do so as well._

_I don’t know, Marcella. And that’s what ~~scares~~ ~~infuriates~~ scares me most. _

_But I have made my decision, and although it hurts me to hurt you, pain is something I relish in. It is not something that can be taken away or changed. It is who I am, and I would not choose differently._

_I love you, forever, even if my love isn’t the type you are used to._

_My heart belongs to you, Marcella. Only you. I can say that with certainty. And I shall never, ever in my life say those words to anyone else. The only part of me that belongs to someone else belongs to you. You may not want it, but it does._

_Yours infinitely,  
Bellatrix Druella Black_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi wow why do i insist on making my faves hurt? 
> 
> anyway. stan the gryffindor girls and especially marlene mckinnon for clear skin


	22. it's my life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sirius gets confronted, a lot. james & marls watch a quidditch practice & talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hola
> 
> cw: implied child abuse, denial of abuse/defending abuse, confrontation of abuse, eating disorders/intentionally not eating

Sirius awoke in the hospital wing with the prior night’s events at the forefront of his mind. “James?” he croaked, looking over to the bed next to him. James was gone. “Where-”

“Ah, you’re awake, Mr. Black,” Madam Pomfrey said from across the room, striding over to him with an odd expression on her face. Sirius struggled to sit up, the full enormity of the situation dawning on him.

“Yep, up and ready to seize the day,” he stammered, much too nervously for his liking. 

“I think not,” Professor McGonagall’s voice pierced the room. Sirius startled. When had she gotten here?

“Really, I’m fine!” he said, smiling. “I need to check on James. How is he?”

“Mr. Potter asked us to tell you not to worry, that he is just meeting with a Mind Healer. He said that you should meet him on the Quidditch pitch when you were feeling better. I believe he is spectating the practice.” 

“A _Mind Healer?_ Is that… necessary?” Sirius frowned. His parents had told him all about the weakness of people who saw Mind Healers. 

Pomfrey and McGonagall did not answer. 

“We would like to have a conversation with you, Mr. Black,” McGonagall started, sitting down on the chair by his bed. Sirius winced at the name. 

“Sirius,” Madam Pomfrey began carefully, noticing his facial expression, “we are not angry with you. You are not in trouble. But please, tell us. What do you know of healing magic?”

Sirius’ brow furrowed. “Erm… that it heals. Is this all? Can I be going now?” he asked anxiously, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Pomfrey and McGonagall shared a look.

“Mr. Lupin shared with us that you applied dittany onto Mr. Potter’s face. Can you tell us where you acquired such a salve?”

Sirius’s jaw tensed, his mind racing. _How to make it sound as convincing as possible?_ Sirius covered his face with his hands and his shoulders began to shake. _Perfect._ “I- I punched James last week,” he said, gasping. “I wanted to heal him. So I- I stole it, from the Infirmary,” he made his lip wobble convincingly, hiding his eyes behind his hands. “That’s why I had it. I am so sorry, Madam Pomfrey, I just wanted to make sure he was okay,” he said, letting his voice wail a bit. He closed his eyes, praying that they wouldn’t see through his act.

Pomfrey and McGonagall shared a sad look before nodding at each other. McGonagall sighed. “Very well, Mr. Bla- Sirius. You may go check on your friends now,” she said gently.

Sirius removed his hands from his eyes, nodded, and raced out of the Infirmary as quickly as he could. 

“I just restocked all the dittany salve yesterday,” Pomfrey said sadly, and McGonagall grasped her hand gently.

“I know, dear,” McGonagall sighed. “We cannot confront him about it. He’ll just be frightened off. We need to approach this situation… carefully.”

“Dumbles won’t even let us do anything about it,” Poppy added bitterly. “What a coward.”

“I know, love. With what happened with poor Pickwick last year…” she sighed. “It’s best to not inform Albus of the situation. He would shut it down faster than we could begin explaining.”

“We’ll do our own research, then,” Poppy amended.

“Were you at least able to do a diagnostic spell while he was asleep?” 

Poppy shook her head. “Morally, I cannot do one without at least informing the student. It would be breaking my code as a Healer. But I did sense something rather disturbing. Did you feel it too, Min?” she asked her soulmate quietly.

Minerva hesitated before sighing, her heart heavy. “Yes. Traces of Dark magic. I fear it is more serious than we had previously imagined.”

* * *

James and Marlene were watching Gryffindor’s Quidditch team practice as they waited for Sirius to join them. They shivered in the early February cold, huddled under their cloaks and scarves. The team occasionally became blurs of dark red yelling updates at them. 

“Just imagine, Marls, that’ll be us next year!” James shivered excitedly.

Marlene nodded, absentmindedly watching her brother block a goal from the Prefect who had escorted her out of the Infirmary the night before. 

“James, are you alright?” she asked quietly, turning to him. “I mean, really alright. What happened yesterday… it was really scary,” she whispered, her brown eyes searching his hazel ones. 

James looked at her for a moment before sighing, his breath appearing as a cloud in the cool air. “...I’ll _be_ alright, Marlene. I dunno. I talked to the Mind Healer, and that was… helpful, I guess. But I can’t help feeling as though this whole situation is my fault.”

Marlene’s eyebrows furrowed and she reached for his hand. “What do you mean, Jamie? How is this your fault?”

He looked at their joined hands for a moment, her mittened one on top of his gloved one. James pried hers gently off of his and stared morosely at the Quidditch pitch, his shoulders drooping. “Because. My first soulmate is a boy, and I told him I was a boy too. I think he got freaked out about it. It’s my fault that this happened,” he said dejectedly, and Marlene punched his arm. “Ow! What was that for?” he winced, rubbing it.

“Because! You can’t keep blaming yourself for these things, James! You’ve no idea how much your little speech about liking boys and girls helped me. You _help_ people. That’s your whole bloody thing! So stop thinking everything is your fault, ‘cause it’s not!” she said, grabbing his hand again. “You are a _good person_ , James Potter. You try your best. That is not something to beat yourself up about, you hear me?” she said, grabbing both of his hands tightly. “You are my best friend, and I have known you my whole life. You really want to try telling me I’m wrong about this?” she asked, looking into his eyes. 

James laughed then, and hugged her tightly, the warmth welcome. “Why are you so good, Marls?”

“Because you deserve it,” she answered in a soft tone, hugging him back. “You deserve all that is good, because you put so much good out in the world. You deserve it tenfold.”

“So do you,” he said gently, and she laughed before shaking her head. 

“C’mon, don’t ignore what I’m saying.”

“Am not!” he laughed, and she playfully swatted him away. 

“Alright, alright. Oh, _ouch_ , that’s gonna bruise,” she winced as she watched Tiberius knock a bludger onto Sam’s broom and he spiraled, hitting the hoop with a loud clang. Pickwick scored on him with a grin as he tried to regain his breath.

“Bell, PLEASE, for the love of Merlin and Morgana, can we stop doing Keeper training?” James heard Sam yell. 

Their cheeks red from the cold, Marlene and James giggled as they watched Tiberius help up Sam. “Aw, they’re so cute,” James grinned. 

Marlene fake-gagged. “Eugh, that’s my brother you’re talking about. Nothing he does can be classified as _cute_.”

“Having fun without me?” Sirius’ voice called out cheekily. He stood with his hands in the pockets of his fancy black coat, a pair of grey earmuffs on his head, a Gryffindor scarf loosely tied around his neck, and a stance that indicated he was valiantly trying to forget about something.

“Sirius!” James yelled, jumping up to hug his friend. Sirius’ _oof_ was audible over the shouting on the Quidditch pitch. 

Marlene smiled. “Feeling better, then, Sirius?”

“‘Course, McKinnon,” he smiled, sliding onto the bench behind them and poking the backs of their shoulders playfully. “Alright, what are we looking at?”

“I think they’re gonna start doing laps, ‘cause Sam kept complaining of injury,” James grinned. 

“Lively’s still looking for the Snitch, though,” Marlene added.

“Looks like she’s too busy staring at Pickwick for that,” Sirius grinned. 

“Do you blame her?” James said dreamily, and Marlene cackled.

“Ooh, trouble in paradise,” Sirius said, ignoring James’ comment. “Look.” he pointed at the Quidditch pitch, where the Slytherin team had gathered with their brooms. 

A few of them appeared brutish, conniving, and mean, but the other half seemed nice enough. 

“Nah, I’ve heard Laughalot’s cooler than his sister,” Marlene commented on the captain, Steve Laughalot. “Plus, Emma’s on the team, so he can’t be all bad if he let her in. ‘Course, she’s brill at Quidditch, so he’d be an absolute wanker to not let her play.” 

The Maramius Trio watched as Gryffindor’s captain Christopher Bell descended from his flight, sweeping overhead the Slytherin team. “Oi, Bell! Scrimmage?” Laughalot yelled up at him.

“‘Course,” Bell replied, and the Slytherins took to the air.

“How can he trust the Slytherins so easily, though?” James asked worriedly. Sirius and Marlene stared at him if he was crazy. 

“Okay, James. Slytherins are not all bad, you’ve got to get that idea out of your head,” Marlene said, sighing.

“Most of them are, though,” Sirius added thoughtfully. 

Marlene glared at him before sighing, her breath coming out in clouds against the cold air. “I suppose so. But people like Crabbe and Mulciber and Avery, they’re completely different from people like Emma and Steve and… oh, bollocks, what’s the name of your cousin, Sirius? The nice one?”

“Andromeda,” Sirius supplied for her, and she nodded.

“Right. Andromeda. So, stop acting as though they’re all completely vile, is my point,” Marlene finished.

James looked skeptical before slowly nodding. “I guess…”

“YES EMMA!” Marlene yelled, standing up suddenly as Emma scored on Sam. James smacked her arm lightly. 

“Stop rooting for the other team!” her brother shrieked after he dove to save it. 

“Thanks, Marlene!” Emma grinned, waving at her before speeding off.

“FOCUS ON THE GAME!” Laughalot and Bell yelled simultaneously, Bell dodging as Laughalot hurled a Bludger at him. 

James, Marlene, and Sirius watched as Bell tossed the Quaffle to Davis, who had it stolen by Vanity, who was blocked by McKinnon swivelling his broom at the last possible second. 

Jonah Norwich launched a Bludger at Ryker Flint, who had been neck and neck with Lorena Lively for the Snitch, causing him to lose balance and allow Lorena to snatch it with a grin. 

“And Gryffindor wins, yet again,” Bell teased Laughalot, who rolled his eyes good-naturedly. James could spot Laughalot’s blush from the stands.

“ _Again?_ You’ll be begging for mercy by the time the match rolls around.” This time Bell blushed, and Sam, Emma, and Ty raised their eyebrows at each other deviously.

James stood up from the bleachers, shaking out his limbs before shivering. “Argh, ready for lunch? My arse is frozen,” he complained.

“Reckon I should set it on fire for you? Flitwick says my _Incendio_ is outright powerful,” Marlene joked, and James rolled his eyes.

Sirius grinned. “We’ll have to try that sometime. But definitely not now. At least not until we try those sweets Pete’s mum got him. He’s been prattling on about them for a week now. Marlene? You’re coming too, right?”

“Obviously,” she grinned. 

The trio made their way to the Great Hall, chatting about the Quidditch scrimmage they had just seen and marvelling at the warmth inside the castle. “They really ought to get some warming charms on the stands,” Sirius sighed.

“I dunno, it gets pretty warm whenever Erlan Pickwick graces the field,” James countered cheekily.

“Alright, alright, enough about Pickwick. Emma is just _so_ inspiring,” Marlene gushed as they walked, her cheeks red. “I mean, the way she flies-!”

“You’ve told us this a dozen times already, Marlene,” Sirius interrupted, draping an arm around her shoulders. Marlene blushed more. “What, too good for us now?” he smirked.

James waggled his eyebrows at her with a grin, and she glared at him. 

“Whatever,” she said, ducking out of Sirius’ hold and walking slightly ahead of the two boys, her head held high.

“Ooo, _someone’s_ mad,” James snickered.

“Am not! You lot are just bloody insufferable sometimes,” she grumbled.

“Then why do you put up with us?” Sirius teased.

Marlene crossed her arms defiantly, striding into the Great Hall.

“She’s giving us the silent treatment,” James whispered loudly, making sure she could hear.

“They say her cold shoulder is frigid enough to kill,” Sirius whispered loudly back. 

Marlene rolled her eyes, though they couldn’t see it. 

“Well, I’m here because you both would be dead without me, so there,” she whipped around challengingly. “And I’m fun,” she added with a grin.

“ _Dead?_ That’s a tad bit extreme, Marls,” James scoffed.

“Oh, really? Who rescued you when you launched yourself off the roof because you thought you wouldn’t need a broom to fly? Me.” Marlene plopped into a seat, serving herself a heaping of food.

James slid in opposite her, Sirius next to him. “Oh, come off it, that was _one time!_ ” 

“One time too many, if you ask me. It’s common sense. And who showed you where the kitchens were? Me! You two would still be floundering around, trying to execute your first prank.”

Sirius scowled. She had a point. “Yeah, don’t go looking at me like that, Black. You boys were moping around, planning different pranks for _months_ until I swooped in one day and all of a sudden the plan was in motion in a _week._ Try debating _that_ ,” she smirked, serving Sirius an extra piece of steak. “And _you’d_ probably have carked it with starvation by now,” she added, gesturing to Sirius’ now-full plate.

“Oh, come on, Marls, I always make sure he eats!” James pouted, piling potatoes on his friend’s plate. “See?”

“Can we _not_ discuss my eating habits right in front of me, or at all? Thanks,” Sirius said sullenly, spearing a potato with his fork. 

“Sorry, Sirius,” Marlene and James said instantly, glancing at their plates.

“Okay, well, bar the insensitive comments we just made, you boys would _not_ be better off without me,” Marlene finished, pointedly looking at both of them. 

James grinned, flicking a piece of potato at her face. Sirius shrugged indifferently, but the corners of his lips were twitching upwards. 

“Told you,” she smirked, swatting away the potato and throwing it back at James. It lodged in his curls, and Sirius laughed as he tried to find it and pick it out to no avail. 

Remus Lupin walked past tiredly and easily picked it out of his hair. 

“Hey, Remus, come back!” James yelled, gripping his worn sweater by the elbow as he walked past. Sirius glanced away. Remus bit his lip.

“Um-- I was going to sit with Peter--”

“Pete’s gonna sit with us, great! Have a seat,” James grinned, pulling him down. Remus sighed dejectedly. 

Marlene grinned. “We don’t bite, Lupin.”

“Er-- okay,” he said awkwardly, taking six pieces of steak and piling them on his plate. Marlene desperately tried to not make a joke about it.

Peter passed by then, and before he could sit on the other side with the boys, Marlene yanked him down next to her. At everyone’s startled expressions, she shrugged. “What? Gotta balance it out somehow. Oi, Mary! You alone? Come join!” she yelled to her friend who was entering the Great Hall.

“It’s like a congregation of all the Gryffindors now,” Sirius muttered as Mary headed over, pushing his food around his plate and setting his fork down on the wooden table.

Marlene rolled her eyes. “Oh, shut it. Mary’s sweet and cool,” she whispered. “Plus, there’s too much toasty-- _bollocks_ , Mary, what’s it called?”

“Testosterone?” Mary squinted, sitting down next to Marlene, who hugged her immediately.

“Yeah! Too much bloody _testosterone_ at this table,” Marlene finished, gesturing to the boys with her knife before cutting her steak. Peter squeaked and shuffled away a bit.

James laughed. “Calm down, Pete, she won’t hurt you.”

“Or will I?” Marlene grinned deviously, turning to Peter and winking at him.

“My mum sent Sugar Quills!” he yelped, closing his eyes and shoving the Quills in between him and Marlene as if it would protect him somehow.

“Oh, these are brill, thanks!” she said happily, plucking two from his hands. At James’ sharp look, she scowled and gave one back. “Pettigrew, I won’t _actually_ harm you. Possibly.” At his terrified expression, she sighed, and amended, “it’s all in good fun. I promise I won’t maim you, okay? James just riles me up sometimes,” she winked conspiratorially. 

Peter nodded, electing to ignore her eye contact, and passed around the rest of the Sugar Quills. Sirius nibbled on his intensely, ignoring his steak in favor of the sugar. Marlene and James tried not to nudge him into eating actual food again. 

“Did Madam Pomfrey talk to you about anything, Sirius?” Remus asked lightly, eyeing Sirius discreetly as he cut into his steak. Sirius’ jaw clenched, the Sugar Quill snapping loudly between his teeth. Marlene raised a questioning eyebrow at a paling Peter, who shrugged. Mary’s knife screeched against her plate loudly and she sheepishly set down her utensils.

James cleared his throat then. “Alright! What say we play a game of Exploding Snap after lunch?”

The Gryffindors murmured their assent.

Sirius and Remus were quiet for the rest of the meal.

And throughout Exploding Snap, and studying, and dinner, they remained so.

* * *

“You had absolutely NO right to talk to Pomfrey! I--I trusted you, Remus, and you-- you told her _everything!_ ” Sirius screamed, kicking his bedpost angrily. His hands clenched and unclenched into fists. 

“Sirius, please, calm down--”

“No, I will _not_ calm down, _Lupin!_ ” he shouted, spitting out his name as though it was poisonous. “You had no-- you had no _right_ to do that to me… to-- to tell her about--” Sirius sank to the floor, his face screwed up in pain. His grey eyes were open, but unseeing, fixated firmly on the rug in front of him.

“I just told her you put dittany on James’ face, that’s all, Sirius. I _promise_ you,” Remus said calmly, taking advantage of Sirius’ silent crying. He sat down gingerly on the floor near the paler boy. “But… I do think that you should talk to someone. Your family, Sirius… that’s not normal.”

Sirius turned to him, his eyes filled with rage and his expression mocking. “‘Not normal?’ Really? That’s the best you could come up with?” he laughed humorlessly. Remus’s eyebrows drew together. “I don’t _get_ a choice in what’s normal or not! I am Sirius Orion Black Ⅲ. This is what _happens._ You don’t even know the half of it. This is LIFE, Remus! This is _my_ life. It. Is. Normal,” he laughed, raising his hands up in the air and grinning before letting them fall to his lap. “Plenty of kids aren’t loved by their parents. But I get along just fine. I’ve learned, and adapted, and I’m _strong._ That’s what matters. So no, _Lupin,_ I will not talk to someone. Least of all you,” he finished, standing up from the floor. He strode over to his bed, climbing in and shutting the curtains in finality.

Remus let out a sigh, then opened the dormitory door to see a worried James and Peter. Remus shook his head minutely, walking over to his own bed and shutting the curtains before undressing for bed. Slightly shaky handwriting graced his torso.

_u said u care. that still true ?_

_i could use a friend right now._

Remus hurriedly grabbed a quill to respond.

_** Hi, yeah, I’m here. You ok? ** _

Remus was comforted with the thought that if he couldn’t help Sirius, he could at least help his soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, hope u enjoyed!! hoping to start off the next chapter with the wolfstar soulmate convo :)
> 
> i promise things will get better before they get sad again!! its a constant rollercoaster !! :,)) i hate it too jhfdjsj


	23. angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> saturday evening: wolfstar soulmate writings continued from the chapter before. sirius & james have a talk. 
> 
> sunday morning: marlene & sam open some letters. sirius & andromeda hug a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> james and sirius are platoniccc i swear, normalize affection between boys !! yes i know its the 1970s but u cannot make me believe that euphemia and fleamont did not raise james to be affectionate and kind !!
> 
> cw: implied child abuse, scars, swearing (am i supposed to be putting warnings for swearing on every chapter??? bc honestly just please expect it at this point lolol)

_u said u care. that still true ?_

_i could use a friend right now._

_**Hi, yeah, I’m here. And I care. You want to talk about it?**_

_sort of. I dunno_

_my friend is trying to help me with something but he just doesn’t understand what i’m actually going thru._

_i’ll admit, it’s weird to actually talk to u._

_**Maybe he is trying to show he cares, and is just going about it wrong. Try looking at things from his perspective.**_

_maybe._

_**Is “something” about the injuries?**_

_**Did you try the Black Elderberry ?**_

Sirius hesitated for a moment before slowly drawing two checkmarks next to his soulmate’s words.

_he just really doesn’t get it, y’know?_

_**I understand that. My friends wouldn’t understand my condition either.**_

_then your friends are tossers. plain and simple_

_**They’re nice. I just don’t think they’ve really been exposed to stuff like that before.**_

_what, people who are different? werewolves?_

_look, i wasn’t either, till u._

_i’ll be honest. u infuriated me for years. still do._

_**Gee, thanks.**_

_calm down_

_i’m trying to be nice here_

_**Well, it’s not really working**_

_let me finish!_

_**fine**_

_thx. anyway._

_seeing ur blood all over me every month made me have some sort of empathy, or whatever its called. being a werewolf sounds scary. & u didn’t have a choice._

_**You were worried for me?**_

_well, yeah. i’ll b honest, though, i was more worried for what my parents would do to me if they saw the blood._

_**oh.**_

** **

** **

_**the injuries**_

****

**_They’re from your parents?_**

Sirius groaned before covering his face with a pillow. “What’d I expect, honestly,” he mumbled, sighing before responding.

_yes. great ! work ! for finally figuring out the obvious. what, u thought that some playground bully hit me and cursed me with Dark magic every other day?_

_doesn’t matter. i’m tired._

_**Wait. I’m sorry**_

_for what ? that my parents are arseholes, or that i let them do it ?_

Sirius stared at his torso for what felt like an hour, but there was no reply. He groaned and ran his hands down his face, peeking outside his four-poster before crossing the room silently and throwing on one of James’ many Quidditch jumpers. He inhaled the comforting scent of his first (and best) friend slowly before exiting their room, deftly avoiding the creaking floorboards.

He was surprised to see two people sitting by the fire, both members of their Quidditch team. He quickly hid behind a pillar, watching them awkwardly. 

The boy, who Sirius recognzied as Erlan Pickwick, was being held by the Seeker, Lorena Lively. Sirius felt as though he should probably head back upstairs when he realized Pickwick was crying. Lively was trying to calm him down, and it was working a bit. 

“Sirius, mate? You down there?” James’ tired voice permeated the air. Lively and Pickwick jumped, Pickwick hastily drying his tears with the back of his hand. 

“Whoever that is, you should be in bed,” Lively said authoritatively, standing up and squinting towards the stairs. She took Pickwick’s hand. Sirius thought she looked like a guardian angel, or a protector of some kind. 

_Would be nice to have someone like that._

Sirius averted his eyes before someone grabbed him from behind and placed a slightly sweaty hand over his mouth. He began to panic before a familiar shushing noise sounded in his ear. “It’s me, mate. James. I’ve got the cloak,” James whispered gently, turning Sirius around. He reached out a hand quickly, and Sirius flinched back minutely. James frowned. “Trust me, ok?” Sirius nodded, and James swiped the backs of his knuckles under Sirius’ eyes. He leaned into the warm touch subconsciously. 

“Oh,” Sirius said quietly. He hadn’t noticed he had been crying.

“‘S alright,” James said in an equally quiet tone. Sirius noted that he looked troubled. “You want to take a walk?”

Sirius hesitated before nodding. 

“C’mon, then,” James whispered, smiling kindly at him before grasping his hand gently. Sirius’ eyes widened before he smiled and squeezed his hand once. James’ grin was worth it.

The two of them snuck past Lively and Pickwick, who were too busy falling asleep on the couch by the fire to notice the portrait hole open and close.

“You’re wearing my jumper,” James noted lightly, grinning as the light from the hallway shone on Sirius.

Sirius’ cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment. “Hope that’s ok.”

“More than ok! It looks good on you,” James said with a grin, his cheeks rosy.

“Thanks,” Sirius replied warmly, smiling when James squeezed his hand once more. 

“Why were you up?” James asked after a little while, their socked footsteps soft on the cold floors. 

“Never fell asleep,” Sirius replied with a sigh. “I was… trying to talk to my soulmate, I guess,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. James looked at him with a calculated expression.

“How did it go?”

Sirius frowned. “Could’ve gone worse, I suppose. We haven’t really… talked. Ever.”

James nodded. “Same with my soulmate. Soul _mates_. Things just… go cock-up whenever I try.”

They both sighed in unison, then laughed. 

“Speaking of,” James began, raising his eyebrows at Sirius, who groaned. He already knew what was coming. “Oh, don’t give me that. C’mon. What’s up with you and Remus? You haven’t been getting along lately.”

Sirius scowled, crossing his arms. James pouted at the loss of hand-holding.

“He keeps trying to talk to me about my family and stuff. He thinks he knows what’s best for me, but it’s just really, really infuriating. He doesn’t know the half of it,” he groaned, scratching at the skin on his wrist. James caught his hand with a frown.

“Don’t do that,” he said. Sirius stopped. “Look. I know you think he’s being a bother, but… I think he just wants to help you the way he knows how. He cares about you, mate,” James said, turning to his friend. “And so do I. Him telling Pomfrey, that was his way of making sure you and I were alright. He didn’t say anything other than telling her about the dittany, right?” James asked, his hazel eyes searching. 

Sirius sighed in defeat. “No… he didn’t.” They paused in front of an odd statue of a one-eyed witch. “I dunno… it’s hard for me to trust people, I guess. You’re really the first person other than Andy that’s never turned around and done something bad to me,” he said with a wistful smile. 

James let out a small exhale. “Can I hug you?” he asked shakily, and Sirius grinned.

“Are you crying? Sap.” James frowned, and Sirius laughed. “ _Yes_ , you can hug me, James.”

Sirius had an armful of a teary-eyed James Potter in less than a second, and he smiled as he rested his cheek on James’ shoulder. “I’m really grateful for you, you know that?”

“Who’s the sap now?” James joked as they pulled away, and they both laughed. 

James seemed to take in their surroundings all at once, because his eyes narrowed before he glanced around. “This is a weird place for a statue, is it not?” he asked, poking it with his wand.

Sirius frowned, then shrugged. “Why do you care? It’s Hogwarts, things that don’t make any sense, like this statue, are all over the place.”

James shook his head. “No, they’re not. Remember how hard it was to get to the kitchens? I figure… if there’s tricks like that, there must be tricks all over the castle. We’ve got to figure out this statue,” he grinned.

“Alright,” Sirius grinned. James’ smiles were infectious. “We can go to the library tomorrow, try to learn some spells that will help us uncover concealments or things.”

James nodded before tickling the odd hump of the witch. Sirius burst into laughter. “What in the name of Merlin was that for?”

James shrugged sheepishly, messing with his hair. “Well, we had to tickle the pear for the kitchens, so I thought it was worth a shot.”

Sirius smirked.

“It’s getting late, we should head back.”

“Sure.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes, pressing against walls when Prefects patrolled or ghosts floated by. 

Sirius broke the silence halfway back to Gryffindor Tower. “Why were _you_ awake, then?”

James bit his lip before turning to Sirius with a sigh. “I… sort of woke up when you got out of bed. And… I saw you,” he said quietly, his words heavy. Sirius’ heart jolted. 

“You saw me?” he repeated anxiously. “Wh--”

“Your scars,” James said softly. 

Sirius’ eyes widened and he clenched his jaw. James reached for his hand and squeezed it gently. “I want you to know, Sirius, that you can always talk to me, okay? I’m always, always gonna be here for you. I promise.” He slid one arm around Sirius’ shaking shoulders, pulling him close. Sirius’ free hand snaked around his waist. 

“You-- you can’t tell anyone, okay?” he said, his voice choked.

A tear slipped out of James’ eye. He wanted so badly to help Sirius, to be there for him. “What if you--”

“You _have_ to promise me, James,” Sirius pleaded, drawing away from him and looking into his eyes. 

James bit his lip before hugging him tightly. “I promise, Sirius. I promise.”

* * *

Sirius didn’t have any nightmares that night, and he figured that maybe he did have a guardian angel after all. 

* * *

Sam tore open a package at the Gryffindor table, his sister next to him. 

“Stop hovering, Marly, it won’t make it open any faster,” he snapped, and Frank snorted with laughter. Marlene crossed her arms huffily, trying to snatch the letter on top of the gifts in the package. Sam caught her wrist with a frown.

“Ah, look what a bit of patience can do,” Dorcas smirked, nudging her friend. Alice giggled, and Frank looked positively starstruck at the sound.

“Et tu, Brute?” Marlene cried.

“Actually, Caesar never said those words. That was just the Shakespearean interpretation,” Sirius said loftily, slicing an apple. Marlene frowned at him. “What? ‘S not my fault my parents made sure I knew of the historical inaccuracies of the intersection of wizard culture and Muggle culture.”

“I _still_ can’t believe Shakespeare was a wizard,” Pete mumbled. Marlene tuned him out as Sam opened the letter. She smiled at the familiar writing of her mother.

_Dearest Samuel and Marlene,_

__

__

_I do hope you two are getting along well!_

They both let out a snort of laughter, shaking their heads.

_The house is much quieter without you two, though I must say I miss you both. Your sister and brothers drive me up the wall sometimes! Will you two be coming home for the Easter hols (I still don’t know why Hogwarts calls it that, it’s not as though we all celebrate that Muggle holiday)? It would be lovely to have you both._

__

_Your father is not back from his Ministry trip yet, but not to worry! He will be back by the holidays. I would very much appreciate it if you were there to greet him._

__

_Love always,_  
_Mum_

__

_P.S. Take care of each other!!_

Sam and Marlene let out twin sighs. “Next,” Marlene said, and her brother rolled his eyes before turning to the next page. They both winced as their little sister Annette’s horrid handwriting graced the page. 

_Hi Marlene and Sammy!!_

__

_It’s Annie, your sister. How is Hogwarts? It is soooo boring without you here. Henry keeps pestering me to play some dumb game with him! And no one even wants to play Quidditch with me :(( Anyway, I met this really nice girl while Mum took me to Fortescue’s for an ice cream. Sammy, his niece is your friend, right? Can’t wait until you lot come home!_

__

_From,  
Annette McKinnon_

“Oi, Alice, you’re related to Florean Fortescue? Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Marlene gasped. Alice blushed. 

“Erm, well, I did think it was rather obvious, with us sharing the same last name and all,” she laughed. “He’s my uncle.”

“You’re related to the old Headmaster Dexter Fortescue as well, correct?” Sirius asked, looking up from his apple. 

“Yes, I am,” Alice said proudly. Frank practically swooned.

Sam rolled his eyes at his sister before opening the next letter.

_Hey Sam and Marlene._

__

_I hope you are having fun at Hogwarts. Mum is making me write this letter to you. I miss you a lot!_

__

_With love from Roger :)_

“Aww,” Sam said with a grin.

“His handwriting is vom-worthy, but it’s cute,” Marlene said of her youngest brother.

“Give him a break, he’s seven!” Sam exclaimed as Marlene snatched the rest of the letters out of his hand. “ _Morgana,_ Marly, watch it,” he scowled.

“What? You’re taking too long.” Marlene opened the last two letters. “Here, this one’s from Matthew, it’s a drawing of the three of us.”

“Oh, lemme see!” Dorcas said, peering over Marlene’s shoulder. Marlene showed it to her with a smile. 

“He takes after the best,” Sam said sweetly, poking Marlene’s cheek. Marlene blushed.

“Oh, come on, what I draw is nothing special,” she shrugged.

“You draw?” Dorcas asked, her eyes shining.

“Yeah,” she said with a grin. “Mostly goofy stuff, though.”

“I’d love to see it sometime,” Dorcas said with a smile, and Marlene blushed before Sam snatched the last letter out of her hand.

“ _Hey!_ ”

He shrugged, smirking. “You were taking too long. Ah, and here’s Henry’s.” Marlene scowled as her words were thrown back at her.

_Dear Sammy and Marly,_

__

__

_Hope you’re doing ok. It’s weird to not have you lot home after seeing you for the hols! Can you tell Annie to play with me? She’s being a git._

Marlene cackled loudly, and Sam facepalmed. 

_Anyway. Please come home for the next holiday break!! Hope Boleyn isn’t tired out by the hats we sent._

__

__

_Luv,  
Henry_

Marlene scratched their barn owl, Boleyn, behind her ears. She hooted appreciatively. 

“Here,” Sam said, handing Marlene the smaller of the two hats with a grin. It was Gryffindor red, with a red and gold pom-pom and gold striping. Sam’s was identical. They bumped fists before Sam stood up, collecting the letters back in the envelope and stuffing it in his robes. “I’ll be at the Hufflepuff table with Bertie if you need me,” he said quietly, smiling at her before standing up. Marlene waved at him and Frank as they left to join their other friends. 

“Did you lot get anything interesting?” Marlene asked, turning to Peter, Alice, Sirius, and Dorcas. 

“Mum sent some taffy,” Peter smiled, offering some to everyone.

“Got a letter from my Mum,” Dorcas shrugged, popping a piece of taffy in her mouth, and Alice nodded. Sirius shook his head to indicate he didn’t get anything.

“Maybe next time,” Marlene smiled encouragingly.

“Maybe,” Sirius said, his voice a bit strained. “Oh,” he brightened as a brunette Slytherin approached the table. Marlene recognized her as Andromeda, his cousin.

“Hey, Andy! Meet my Housemates, Pete, Dorcas, Alice, and Marlene,” he smiled. Andromeda waved politely at them.

“Hey, why am I last?” Marlene whined. Alice, Dorcas, and Peter laughed as though they knew something she didn’t.

“Housemates, so formal! We’re your friends, right, Black?” Alice teased, and he smiled.

“Yeah, guess you are.”

“Sirius, you have a moment?” Andromeda asked hesitantly, and he smiled.

“‘Course, Andy. Be right back,” he smiled to his friends before walking off with his cousin. 

* * *

It was odd for Andromeda to look nervous, but as she led him out of the Great Hall, she was smiling in a way that indicated that she was worried for what he thought.

“Andy, what’s wrong?” Sirius asked, frowning.

“Nothing! I just-- remember when I told you on the train that I needed to speak with you?”

Sirius slapped his forehead. “Oh, Merlin, I’m so sorry, I absolutely forgot!”

Andromeda laughed gently. “No, don’t feel bad. I just-- well, I think it’s easier if I show you,” she said with a smile, and passed her wand over her hand, removing a glamour. A beautiful, simple ring sat on her finger, and Sirius gasped. 

“You’re-- you’re engaged!” he said, grinning, before his face fell slightly. “Congratulations, Andy.”

Andromeda frowned, reaching for his hand. “Why don’t you look happy, Sirius? Talk to me,” she said gently.

He sighed. “Nothing. I’m happy for you and Ted, honestly,” he said, smiling up at her. “You deserve happiness, Andy.”

Her eyes brightened and she hugged him tightly. “Thank you, cousin. You do too. But please, Sirius, I know you’re not completely alright. I’m here if you want to talk, okay? If not, talk to your friends? Please?” she pleaded, and he nodded.

“I-- later, Andy, okay? But know that I am really happy for you,” he said, hugging her around the middle. She smiled. “You finally get to get away from it all,” he mumbled, and she let out a small, sad sound.

“Oh, cousin. Is that what this is about?”

“I… I dunno. I just… can you take me away with you somehow?” Sirius pleaded softly, looking up into her concerned eyes. She bit her lip.

“I--I can’t, Sirius. As much as I would like to help you and Regulus, I-- your mother and father, they would… they have _power_ , little cousin, power that you don’t understand yet,” she said gently, placing a hand on his cheek lovingly. Sirius closed his eyes, willing himself not to cry. “They could do things, things that would ruin all of our lives. They could… make me and Ted disappear, Sirius,” she said, pulling him towards her in a hug. “Forever. And I would never see you again. I-- I’ll have you over as much as I can, and visit, and make sure you’re alright. But I can’t take you away, no matter how much I would love to,” she said quietly.

Sirius nodded once. “Okay, Andy. I understand,” he said, his voice wavering.

“Oh, Sirius,” Andromeda’s voice broke, and the two cousins hugged tightly. “I will always love you. Never doubt that.”

“I love you too, Andy.” He broke away from their hug, smiling wistfully up at her. “You and Ted deserve so much happiness.”

“I’ll tell him you said that,” Andromeda said with a smile, kissing his cheek once before striding off.

Sirius waved, letting out a sigh and straightening his spine before walking back into the Great Hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, hope you enjoyed!! hope this didn't seem too random lol


	24. discoveries & daydreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> breakfast resumes. soulmate identity revealed! (n0T CLICKBAIT) 
> 
> remus, sirius, and james have important discussions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all!! sorry this chapter took me a while to get out, and sorry it's a bit short. i've had a massive migraine for the past three days & school just started up again, im completely fried.
> 
> cw: not eating/intentional starvation/eating disorder

By the time Sirius got back to the Gryffindor table, James had arrived. He was slumped on the table next to Dorcas, his cheek pressed against the slightly sticky wood. 

Marlene and Peter were busy stacking various breakfast items on his sleeping form. Dorcas and Alice were observing the spectacle, laughing quietly. 

“What’s up with him?” Sirius whispered, plopping down at the table next to Peter. James let out a quiet grumble and everyone froze, holding their breaths. Sirius grabbed a pancake off of Peter’s plate, ignoring his pout of protest. He deftly balanced it on James’ head, grinning all the while. 

“Nice one,” Peter whispered, and Marlene had trouble hiding her cackles.

James woke up with a start, sending cutlery and food all over the floor as he jumped. Lily, who had been passing behind him huffily, cursed as a spoon hit her on the arm. “ _Jesus!_ ” she exclaimed, hitting James lightly on the head with the offending spoon. He winced but didn’t say anything, a goofy grin plastered on his face. “Watch it, Potter,” she scowled, shaking her head as she moved past them to head to the Slytherin table. 

Sirius rolled his eyes at Lily, standing up and miming her actions. “‘Watch it, Potter!’ My thin skin can’t handle your _shenanigans!_ ” he said in a high-pitched voice, throwing himself across the table dramatically. Peter and Alice let out snorts of laughter. Marlene and Dorcas rolled their eyes, hiding their smiles behind mugs of cocoa. Sirius could vaguely hear a confused Dorcas whispering something about Lily to Marlene.

“It’s too early for this,” James grumbled after shooting Sirius a glare, hitting his forehead on the table. Marlene patted his tangled hair sympathetically. 

Sirius frowned. Had he not gotten any sleep because of their midnight stroll?

Evidently James seemed to have the same train of thought, because he looked up at Sirius and shook his head minutely. Sirius let out a small sigh of relief, flicking James’ forehead. 

“Ow! What was that for?” James yelped, rubbing his head with his hand. Marlene flicked his head as well, grinning. He turned to her with a wounded expression.

“Felt like it,” Sirius and Marlene said simultaneously, grinning. 

James rolled his eyes exasperatedly. “Ugh. Impossible. Anyway, Sirius, you ready to head over to the library?”

Marlene looked at the both of them with curious expressions before whacking James with the spoon again. Alice facepalmed. “Jamie, you didn’t even eat anything,” Marlene whined. She opened her mouth as if to speak again, looking at Sirius, but thought better of it and frowned.

“I’ll eat on the go!” James said, already shoving two pancakes in his pockets. Marlene turned to Dorcas with a ‘help me’ expression, but she was busy trying to pick pieces of apple out of her hair. Alice and Peter were watching the whole scenario with mild amusement.

“I’m ready,” Sirius offered, winking at Marlene. James nodded appreciatively, linking his arm through Sirius’ with a grin.

“Bye!” James waved, and he and Sirius saluted their friends before running off. 

As soon as they were out of the Great Hall, James blurted, “I think I know who my second soulmate is.”

Sirius turned sharply to face him. “What? How could you possibly-”

“Lily Evans,” he said dreamily, letting out a dramatic sigh and grinning widely. 

If someone would have told Sirius he would voluntarily shave his head, receive a hug from his mother, and snog Filch, the look on his face would have been more mild than the expression of mid-aneurysm horror he wore after hearing those two words come out of James’ mouth.

“ _Lily Evans?_ Are you _joking?_ How could she possibly be your soulmate?” Sirius tore his arm out of James’ grasp, miming throwing up.

James glared at him before sighing happily again. “Because, Sirius,” he began, and Sirius absolutely _hated_ the starstruck look in his eyes, “because she was the only Muggleborn Gryffindor in our year other than Mary Macdonald, and Mary Macdonald doesn’t even know what book Heathcliff is from,” he explained, as though this made perfect sense. “And of course, my soulmate _has_ to be a Gryffindor, because I don’t like any of the girls in Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, and there’s no way I would date a _Slytherin_ ,” he said, making a face. Sirius was silent, but if James had bothered to look in his direction, he would have been able to see how disgusted Sirius was by the whole situation. “And just think! When we have a family, we can laugh about how she thought I was a git when we first met,” he said, as though this idea was the greatest thing in the world. 

“A _family?_ Oh Merlin, James, you’re-- you’re already thinking about having _kids_ with her?” Sirius massaged his temples. “Tell me you’re joking, James, please,” he pleaded, shaking his friends’ shoulders.

James grinned. “Nope, not joking. Just think about it! We’ll have a whole roost-- enough for a whole Quidditch team!” he spread his arms wide. “Imagine little Potters with her green eyes and smarts and red hair and-”

“What about your other soulmate, then?” Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow. James faltered, then smiled softly. Sirius thought he greatly resembled Frank Longbottom, who looked smitten whenever he so much as heard Alice’s name.

“Well-- I mean, we’ll all live together, of course. And we’ll fall asleep hugging each other,” he sighed wistfully. Sirius made a face. 

“Sounds revolting,” he said, swallowing down an odd feeling building in his chest as they walked. First Andromeda, now James. Everyone was leaving him behind. “Are you gonna tell her?”

“Who, Lily? No,” James said, grinning. “Things will fall into place. I want her to figure out that I’m her soulmate too.” 

Sirius shuddered. “Eugh. When did you do all this research anyway?” he asked, lowering his tone slightly as they walked into the library.

“Last night, after our walk,” James said, smirking as he watched Mundungus Fletcher shove books in his bag. 

“So that’s why you’re so tired,” Sirius began, “‘cause you’re an utter sap.” He rolled his eyes. 

James waggled his eyebrows deviously. “Yep.” Sirius groaned, shaking his head. He found the section for disguises rather quickly, motioning his friend over. “Go to the table of contents,” James whispered, peering over Sirius’ shoulder and attempting to turn the page of a raggedy old book.

Sirius scowled at him, but heeded his advice. “I know how to read a bloody _book_ , Potter.” 

James raised his eyebrows as Sirius flipped to the table of contents and ran a slim, pale finger down until he found what he was looking for. 

“Aha! ‘ _Concealment charms and spells._ ’ Page 575, go!” James cheered quietly, and Sirius flipped to the page and began to skim it. 

“Hmm… ‘ _to conceal something..._ ’ nope, wait- oh, look-”

“‘ _To uncover a hidden passageway, the spell Dissendium is rather useful. Simply tap the object and say the incantation._’ This must be it!” James said excitedly, grabbing the book from Sirius’ hands and shoving it back in the bookcase. He grabbed Sirius’ arm before he could say anything, pulling him along.

Sirius stopped suddenly, wrenching his arm out of his grasp. “Slow _down_ , James! We don’t even know if this will work. And you can’t just grab me whenever you feel like it,” he said, rubbing his arm anxiously. 

James’ face fell and he picked at the hem of his shirt nervously. “Mate, I’m so sorry, I was completely out of line-”

“Whatever, let’s just go test it out,” Sirius said, sighing. He led the way to the one-eyed witch statue, James trailing behind him like a wounded puppy. He wasn’t really mad at him, just… exhausted. He felt like he would fall over at any moment. He knew Marlene and James would say it was because he wasn’t eating enough, but he didn’t really care. He had survived on less.

“Wait, Sirius,” James said, catching up to him and reaching out an arm before drawing it back. Sirius bit his lip. He actually did miss the contact, but he wouldn’t really admit that. 

“What?” he snapped, then at James’ forlorn expression, he said more gently, “what?”

“Um… I dunno if we should test it out now. We should do it tonight, with the cloak,” James said quietly. Sirius absolutely hated the defeated expression on his face. 

“Sounds good to me.”

“We have homework to do anyway,” James added, scuffing the heel of his shoe on the floor.

“Yep,” Sirius said, glancing down.

James opened his mouth as if to speak, but Sirius moved before he could do anything.

It was just a simple bump of shoulders, but by the way James lit up like the sun, Sirius thought it was worth it.

* * *

Remus looked up from his Potions essay as Sirius and James waltzed into their dormitory. As soon as Sirius spotted Remus, his face went blank and he immediately crossed the room without so much as a second glance in Remus’ direction. James and Remus watched him with frowns. 

“He’ll come around,” James whispered to Remus, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I can hear you,” Sirius snapped, gathering his books from where they were scattered around the room. “Where’s Petey?”

“Alice is tutoring him in Charms,” Remus said, letting out a small sigh. James patted his shoulder again.

Instead of saying, ‘James, did you hear something? It sounded like some sort of roach was trying to speak to me,’ Sirius decided on, “Well, good for him. He needs as much help as he can get.”

Clearly Remus had qualms about holding his tongue, because he spat, “Oh, so you’re talking to me now? You, Lord Black, or whatever, have deigned to _actually_ speak to me? I’m absolutely _honored_.” 

Sirius’ face was contorted in fury. Remus clenched his fists by his sides, James pulling him back. “Alright, both of you need to sort this-- this-- _bullshite_ out,” he fumed, his face red. “I’m tired of you threatening each other every five seconds, and yelling, and just-- it’s _insufferable!_ ”

Sirius and Remus crossed their arms, glaring at each other ferociously and not speaking. 

“Sirius, mate, remember what we talked about last night? And Remus, c’mon, mate, we all know you just care about Sirius,” he said softly. “So-- so-- both of you just sort this _bloody_ mess out before McGonagall has to sort it out for us!” he said, crossing his arms defiantly and sitting on his bed with a huff.

“I already told you everything,” Remus began, clenching his jaw. “I already told you that all I said to Pomfrey was that you put dittany on James’ face. I didn’t say anything else. I just want to make sure you’re okay, Sirius. Is that so fucking _terrible?_ ” he asked bitterly.

Sirius glared at him for a minute, the silence in the room deafening. Remus thought it was as though his silver eyes were trying to bore holes into Remus’ innermost thoughts. It was unsettling.

“I’m not… good with apologies,” Sirius said after a while, looking down at his feet before looking back up to Remus’ eyes. The look in his own was softer, sadder, remorseful. “I’ve been a complete arse to you, and… and I’m sorry, Remus. I just… I was upset, _really_ upset, when I thought you told Pomfrey everything. I take trust very seriously, and for you to-- to _betray_ that--”

“But I didn’t,” Remus interjected quietly, letting out a sigh. 

“I know,” Sirius slumped, biting his lip harshly. “I guess I just… I’m used to people turning their backs on me, or something, so. I figured it was only a matter of time for you lot to turn around on me, too.” 

“Mate, we would never do that!” James leaped up suddenly, crossing the room in two strides. He had his arms halfway around Sirius before he suddenly leaped away. “I’m sorry-”

“It’s fine, James,” Sirius said, squeezing him tightly. Remus smiled at the look of utter delight on James’ face. 

“We won’t turn our backs on you, Sirius,” Remus said resolutely. 

Sirius grinned at him before groaning, “Argh, you’re a koala,” and playfully pushing off a pouting James. 

“Now, Lupin, you gonna tell me what ‘fucking’ means? I’ve heard it like twice now from you,” James pouted, batting his eyelashes at Remus.

Remus raised his eyebrows, letting out a sigh. Sirius looked about as confused as James did. Oh, well. They both liked pranks. What was the harm in another one?

“It’s an expressive statement,” Remus began carefully. Sirius and James latched on to his every word. “Usually used in excitement. It has a really… _positive_ connotation. So it can emphasize something like ‘brilliant,’ or ‘amazing.’ Another way to say it is just ‘fuck.’ It’s rather common, really. I’m surprised you don’t know it yet. My mum taught it to me when I was little,” Remus lied easily, smiling convincingly. 

“Blimey!” James grinned, nudging Sirius. “That’s totally _fucking_ brilliant! … Is that how I say it?”

Remus nodded enthusiastically, having to glare at the wall behind James and Sirius so as to not burst out laughing. “You’ve got it! Er… _fuck yeah!_ ”

“ _Fuck yeah!_ ” Sirius and James cheered.

Naturally, McGonagall gave them detention the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i make this fic into a series, with each year in a different fic? or should i keep it all in one???


	25. fan club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first quidditch match of the spring season. injuries ensue. cursing commences. soulmate shenanigans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lee jordan - constant snark + 30 years + hufflepuff + shipper extraordinaire = bertie higgs 
> 
> cw: allusion to not-great home environment, literally SO much cursing omg, injury

“James, c’mon, you know it would be the perfect time,” Sirius attempted, nudging his friend. Remus and Peter watched on, their cheeks already adorned with Gryffindor red and gold lion stickers. 

“No. I’m not leaving the first match of the season to see if it’s even a passageway or not! I’ve been looking forward to this since the holidays,” James said firmly, throwing his Gryffindor scarf around his neck. 

Sirius groaned, and Remus placed a hand on his shoulder. Sirius sighed. “Fine. How about this, then. We do it right after the match, okay? People will be occupied with celebrating and stuff.”

“That sounds fair, James, you have to admit,” Remus reasoned, pulling on a hat over his tawny curls. 

James huffed, grabbing his wand and sticking it in his robes. “Fine. But if we win, I promised Marls I’d celebrate with her.”

Sirius pointedly ignored James’ comment as he slung his arm around his shoulders and tugged him towards the door. “Let’s go, lads. Last one there is an earwax-flavored Bertie Bott’s bean,” he grinned, and the four boys took off running.

* * *

All four Houses were cheering in the stands, holding up giant faces of their favorite players or signs fashioned out of old bedsheets. The Gryffindors cackled as McGonagall removed a few with crude euphemisms and drawings. 

“Reckon they’ll get detention?” Marlene yelled above the chaos.

“Hope not, cause then our plan goes out the window,” Sirius yelled. Marlene’s eyebrows scrunched together. 

“What pla-” Marlene was cut off as James unraveled a giant poster that read, “FUCK YEAH GRYFFINROAR!” 

“You’re going to get in trouble,” Lily Evans loftily said as she, Mary, and Dorcas reluctantly sat above them. 

James grinned. “It’ll be worth it.”

Lily and Sirius both rolled their eyes, then simultaneously said, “Whatever.” They both turned to each other, faces red, disgusted that they would have the same thought, then looked back to the pitch determinedly. Marlene laughed.

She watched as one of Sam and Ty’s friends, Bertie Higgs, yelled into a microphone provided by McGonagall.

“Welcome back to the first Quidditch game of the spring season! Gryffindor versus Slytherin! Lions versus snakes! Roaring versus hiss-”

“Higgs, focus,” McGonagall sighed, and the overly enthusiastic Hufflepuff announcer grinned.

“Right-o, McG!” The whole crowd laughed as McGonagall turned a shade of tomato. “Mighty Gryffindor is taking the field!” The Gryffindors cheered as their Quidditch team began to run onto the field. “Led by captain Christopher Bell, with fellow Chasers Pickwick and Davis!” The three Chasers waved before lining up neatly. “Their two Beaters, McLaggen and Norwich! Jonah Norwich, that is. If you’re looking for the equally dashing Jacob Norwich, he’ll be playing next weekend!” Bertie had to wrangle the microphone back from McGonagall for that last comment. “And now, Samuel McKinnon! I’ve heard he’s a real _keeper!_ ” Bertie Higgs winked among the crowd’s laughter, and Marlene groaned. “Last but not least, Lorena Lively, Gryffindor’s lovely Seeker! Give it up for Gryffindor!” he yelled, and McGonagall was among those Gryffindors who clapped the loudest. 

“GO GRYFFINDOR!” James screamed loudly, he and Sirius waving the banner obnoxiously. They had positioned it angled away from the teachers’ booth, so McGonagall couldn’t confiscate it. Ty and Sam’s shakes of laughter were visible from the pitch.

“Opposing them, we have Slytherin! Three cheers for Slytherin!” Bertie yelled, and there was much less applause from the crowd, but Marlene and her friends (bar James and Sirius and Peter, of course), clapped politely. “Captaining this superb team is Steve Laughalot! Wonder how he and Bell will get on today, if you know what I mean-- sorry, Professor, I’m focusing-- and here comes his fellow Beater Felicia Flint! This year the Slytherin team has had the most girls on it in _history_ , and I’d say that’s a bloody incredible accomplishment,” Bertie added, and McGonagall nodded proudly among some minuscule hissing from the Slytherin stands. 

“Good for them,” Remus said, who had been quiet until then. 

Lily, who had been intensely listening to their conversation in a way that she tried to cover up, nodded approvingly. Marlene met her eye with a smirk and Lily shook her head, smiling affectionately. Mary and Dorcas were too busy whispering about some type of food to pay attention to Remus.

“Give some applause to Seeker Ryker Flint and Keeper Travers!” Bertie continued, “and here come the Chasers-- oh, no, poor Vanity--” the entire crowd began laughing as Emma Vanity emerged onto the pitch. Her entire face was painted half red and half gold, mirroring Sam and Ty’s perfectly. 

If Marlene focused, she could make out Emma’s lips angrily forming the words, “you absolute _TOSSERS!_ ” towards her soulmates, who were trying hard not to fall over with laughter. Ty was unlucky, and Sam hauled him up.

“A bit of some soulmate shenanigans for you lot today, then,” Bertie said smugly. “Emma Vanity’s got some of the best skills in Quidditch we’ve seen in a while, and it sure will be interesting seeing her go up against her soulmates on the Gryffindor team this term! She’s got no mercy, though, they’re totally scr--”

“HIGGS!” McGonagall snapped, and he grinned.

“Looks like McG didn’t like that one. Anyway, we’ve got Rabastan Lestrange as a fellow Chaser, nasty little bugger--”

“HIGGS, I WILL TAKE IT AWAY!” McGonagall yelled among laughter and hissing from the crowd.

“Only joking, Professor. Not really-- anyway-- Nora Craggy, the final Chaser for Slytherin! She’s the younger sister of Stuart, what an incredible captain he was--”

“Are you giving us a test on genealogy or are you giving us information on the match?” McGonagall yelled, and Bertie grinned.

Sirius snorted, turning to James and announcing loudly, “Higgs’ got nothing on the Tapestry Test my parents give us.”

“The Tapestry Test? What’s that?” Peter asked, voicing one of Marlene’s questions. Sirius sighed loudly.

“My family’s got this gigantic tapestry on every Black family member since the start of times, or something. Regu-- er, I get quizzed on it all the time, it’s bloody annoying,” Sirius grumbled.

“So you’re on it too?” Marlene asked curiously. Remus, whose mouth was open as if he was about to ask the same question, pressed his lips together.

Sirius nodded. “Yep.” Marlene was about to ask what he meant by ‘us,’ but then the whistle blew and the match started. 

The match went very similarly to the scrimmage she had seen with James and Sirius, except much longer. Sam saved about 80% of the shots thrown at him, but only half of the ones Emma launched his way. At one point, Lestrange had directly charged at him with the Quaffle, causing the both of them to tumble down to the hard sand and Hooch to run onto the field, yelling, “YOU DO _NOT_ ATTACK THE KEEPER!”

Gryffindor was awarded a penalty shot, and Erlan Pickwick scored. Lestrange’s stunt had caused Samuel to wince in pain every five seconds, and despite his team’s insistence that he let the reserve Keeper take over, he was steadfast in his attempts to keep playing. Emma Vanity proved that she had no mercy when it came to Quidditch and scored shots on him left and right, the Gryffindor spectators wincing all the while.

“Bell’s going up the field now-- he’s about to score! Oh, Laughalot strikes once again! Well-timed Bludger from him, Bell’s tossed the Quaffle to Davis now-- OUCH, that’s gotta hurt--”

The crowd let out a sympathetic groan as Marietta Davis and Felicia Flint collided head-on. Both teams were awarded penalties.

“Craggy’s lining up for the shot now-- can McKinnon save it? I can’t believe it-- he’s done it! Go Gryffindor!”

Marlene was among the many to stand up and cheer, screaming proudly, “THAT’S MY BROTHER!” Sam gave the crowd a thumbs-up, but Marlene liked to think it was specifically for her.

“Score’s at 100-80 now, Slytherin in the lead! And no sight of the elusive Snitch yet… Pickwick’s squaring up to take Davis’ penalty shot, now-- Oh, _too easy!_ Travers, stop picking daisies! It’s like a walk in the park for The Exceptional Erlan Pickwick!” Higgs cheered among the crowd. McGonagall was too invested in her House’s victory shot to tell him off for rooting for Gryffindor. “Score’s 100-90, Slytherin still in the lead. Looks like Vanity’s giving Travers a bloody _earful_ , serves him right-- sorry, McG! And they’re off again-- oh, excellent defence from McLaggen!”

One of the teachers had unfortunately spotted Sirius and James’ explicit poster and was on their way over. Marlene quickly shot an _Incendio_ towards the poster, causing it to burst into flames. Sirius and James dropped it with a yelp, and they watched as it burned up in the air before its ashes floated harmlessly down to the pitch.

“Morgana’s saggy tits! That was a close one, Marls!” James yelped, his eyes wide. Unfortunately, the teacher, who Marlene recognized as Professor Yew, had heard James’ vulgar remark and had immediately reprimanded him.

As soon as he left, Marlene slapped his arm lightly. “ _Fifteen_ whole points! C’mon, James,” she grumbled. Lily looked highly offended by the whole situation, and was about to make an outburst before Mary, of all people, burst out laughing.

The sound was so unfortunately unfamiliar that the entirety of the Gryffindors in her vicinity turned to her. She was wiping away a tear from her eye, and her cheeks were red. “ _Morgana’s saggy tits_ ,” she repeated through breathless laughter. “Oh, _Christ_ , that’s too funny,” she giggled, and James grinned. 

“Yay, Mary! Come join the ‘vulgarity train’ with us!” James grinned, holding his hand up for her to high-five. 

She smiled slightly, her cheeks pink, as she high-fived him. Marlene’s chest felt warm as she watched their interaction.

“LIVELY’S SPOTTED THE SNITCH! Can Flint get there in time-- oh, guess not! GRYFFINDOR WINS, 240-100!”

The Gryffindors cheered, and if some of them were cheering more for Mary than their team, well, the others were none the wiser.

* * *

As soon as the match was over, Emma and Ty sprinted to Sam’s side. He was leaning heavily on his broom, and had wiped half of the paint off of his face, causing Emma and Ty’s paint to wipe off too. 

“Are you alright?” Ty asked, his eyebrows drawing together in concern. Emma was a bit sour over the loss and some of her teammates’ less than satisfactory playing, but Sam’s well-being was more important than her feelings about the game at the moment. She decided that she had played spectacularly, anyway. 

Emma and Ty, without saying anything, propped Sam up between them, helping him walk off the pitch. 

“More than alright, since we whooped Vanity’s ass,” Sam smirked, groaning in pain when he tried to put weight on his leg. 

“Glad to see the humour’s intact,” Emma said drily. “And I whooped _yours_ , for the record. You whooped the Slytherins.”

“You won’t be able to make him see sense, Em,” Tiberius grinned.

“Whatever. My leg’s been all cocked-up, shouldn’t that be number one on our conversation list?” Emma rolled her eyes, but patted his shoulder sympathetically. “Urgh, Lestrange is such a bloody _git_ ,” Sam winced, leaning on his soulmates.

“He’s a right arse,” Emma agreed, and Ty nodded.

“C’mon, no use bitching about it. Let’s get you to Pomfrey,” Ty said. 

By that point, Christopher and Steve had finished their tension-filled post-match conversation, Lively and Pickwick had finished their celebratory hugging, and Ryker Flint and Nora Craggy had gone off to the showers together. 

“McKinnon, you alright?” his teammates asked him, remembering his fall earlier. Samuel winced. 

“These two are getting me to the Infirmary,” Sam gestured to his soulmates. It was then that Marlene and James finally reached them, with the rest of the Gryffindor first-years in tow. Emma cocked an eyebrow at the excess amount of people. 

“He’s got himself a fan club,” she muttered, grinning. Ty snorted.

“Sammy! Are you okay?” Marlene yelled, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. She reached up to place her too-small hat on his head. Sam, Emma, and Ty smiled endearingly.

“I’ll be okay, Marly. Just a little bungle-up,” he smiled, though he leaned more heavily on the taller Emma, who bit her lip.

“We’ll visit him in the hospital wing,” James reassured Marlene, holding her hand in his. She nodded fiercely. The other Gryffindors, who Emma assumed were Marlene’s friends, stood behind them awkwardly, most of them wearing concerned expressions.

“I’ll be alright! Promise,” Sam smiled a toothy grin at his sister. “Pomfrey’ll fix me right up, and then we’ll be back to celebrate the win!”

“Great work today, team. Sam, sure you don’t need me to levitate you?” Christopher Bell asked seriously, and Sam, Ty, and Emma snorted, but softened a bit when they saw Marlene’s tearful expression.

“All good, Chris,” Sam grinned. “Go have fun with Stevie, alright?” he teased, and Christopher’s face turned red.

His teammates laughed, and Marlene hid a smile behind her hand. 

“I-- You-- Do not talk to your captain that way!” he eventually stammered, but ran off to presumably find Laughalot as fast as he could. The other members of the team saluted to him before following their captain to the locker room.

“Marly, go back to the common room, alright? I’ll be okay,” Sam said, kissing her forehead. 

Emma noted that Marlene didn’t even make a face at the affection, which meant she was really worried for her brother. She ruffled Marlene’s hair gently, mimicking what Sam usually did, and Marlene smiled gratefully at her. Ty helpfully rubbed off a bit of red paint on Marlene’s forehead that had transferred from Sam’s face paint, hoping no one noticed.

“Alright. Want me to… want me to owl Mum?” Marlene asked quietly, nervousness apparent in her voice, and Emma and Ty gripped Sam a bit more tightly. She was pleased to see that James did the same for Sam’s sister.

“No, it’s alright,” Sam said firmly. “You don’t have to do that, Marly. It’s just a small injury. Nothing to worry Mum or the kids about.”

Marlene nodded, visibly relaxing, and hugged Sam tightly around the middle before running off with her friends. Emma thought that Marlene and Sam were incredibly lucky to have each other.

The three soulmates hobbled to the Infirmary like contestants in a three-legged race, cracking jokes about the game all the while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, emma is the tallest of the three ;)) the mckinnons are short, but for some reason ty is shorter now. can't wait for his growth spurt aw
> 
> also yeah they r very open abt their relationship now, & bertie was their hufflepuff friend from earlier
> 
> next up: the marauders exploring the one-eyed witch passageway!! or perhaps not... who knows ??
> 
> i appreciate all of your kudos and comments so much, you readers world to me <3


	26. rubber soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the party. lots of sneaking. hidden passageways, angst, comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all!! this chapter took me a bit longer to write because i'm back at school now, so expect around a week in between updates!!
> 
> cw: mention of not great home life, mention of alcoholism, mention of underage drinking, angst

The party was in full swing by the time the Gryffindor firsties had gotten to their common room. James wrinkled his nose at the sight of far too many people snogging in corners. He was glad to see that most of his fellow first-years had similar grossed-out faces as well. James and his friends watched curiously as some sixth-years passed around bottles of a foaming beverage.

“Let’s steer clear of that,” Marlene stated firmly, and everyone nodded in agreement. James was about to suggest they just go make their own party when he spotted two familiar faces chatting in a secluded corner. He sighed with relief. Someone in the crowd yelled, and then a burst of unfamiliar, guitar-heavy music filled the room.

“Let’s go hang out with Alice and Edward,” he shouted over the noise.

Lily looked a bit apprehensive to be taking what she viewed as orders from James, but Marlene nodded reassuringly at her and the group made their way over to their second-year friends.

“Hiya, firsties,” Edward Vanity said kindly, moving over to make space for them. 

Various greetings could be heard among their group. James himself had just said hello and was about to sit down when a cold hand gripped him tightly around the upper arm and yanked him away from his other friends. 

He whirled around, his heart racing, to see a pale Sirius holding a slim finger to his lips. Remus and Peter stood beside him, looking slightly bored and bashful, respectively. “We gotta go, now,” Sirius said excitedly. James frowned for a moment, looking back at his other Housemates, who were all occupied in conversation. 

“Let’s go, then,” he said, grinning slightly. 

Sirius beamed. “Great, we’ve already got the cloak.” He nodded to Peter, who did look a bit pudgier than usual. James nodded to him in respect. 

“Remus, you too?” he asked, a mischievous glint in his eye. 

Remus leveled him with a gaze, before saying slyly, “someone’s gotta keep you lot out of trouble.” Sirius rolled his eyes, and tugged them a bit further into the nook before Pete threw the cloak over the four of them.

“Let’s go,” Peter whispered, and the four of them shuffled along the edges of the party.

They stopped to wait for the crowd to part a bit, and James glanced back at his other friends, hoping they were having fun. 

Marlene was grinning, laughing loudly at whatever joke someone told, but James saw the telltale sign of her anger in her clenched fists that she hid under the table. As the laughter passed, James saw her look around once, twice, before her gaze dropped to the table. She let out an inaudible sigh, uncurling her fists and resting her head on a surprised Lily’s shoulder.

The four boys walked, and as they climbed out of the portrait hole, James felt something akin to shame curl inside him and shrivel up like an old plum.

* * *

“We’re here,” Sirius whispered, stopping at an odd statue of a humpbacked witch. Remus cocked an eyebrow. 

“ _This_ is the secret passageway?”

“Er… well, sort of? We dunno if it’s… a passageway or not,” James said bashfully. He had been quiet throughout their journey, like a meek sort of fawn, but now that they had arrived, his eyes were shining brightly again.

Peter’s eyes widened. “You mean you brought us here without even knowing if this was a passageway or not?”

“Yep!” Sirius grinned, taking off the invisibility cloak to walk up to the statue. Remus and the others did the same. 

“How’re you gonna find out if--”

“ _Dissendium!_ ” James shouted, pointing his wand at the statue. 

Nothing happened.

Peter groaned loudly. “Ugh, really? We came out here for _this?_ ”

Sirius hit him with a bony elbow. “James did it wrong, see? Look,” he said confidently, tapping the hump of the statue with his wand before saying at a normal volume, “ _Dissendium_.”

Remus couldn’t hide his sharp intake of breath as the stone hump slid aside, revealing a human-sized passageway. 

“Holy Helga,” Peter whispered, supplying their thoughts aloud. 

“Holy Helga is right, Pete,” James said, his mouth open in shock. 

“Let’s go,” Sirius grinned, the fear that had been apparent on his face quickly vanishing in favor of anticipation. 

Remus watched as Sirius used James’ hand as a foothold before clambering up the statue, climbing inside the passageway and dropping out of sight with an uncharacteristic whoop of laughter.

“You alright?” James yelled, causing Remus and Peter to shush him.

“Ow,” came the slightly muffled voice. “Get in here, you tossers!” 

There was a sudden scrabbling for the statue, and James was triumphant in beating the rest of them to the hump. Remus and James had to help haul up a shorter Peter, but soon enough, they all succeeded in jumping down the passageway.

Remus landed in a dark, musty, stone corridor with a thump. He winced, his wolfish eyes adjusting to the dim light easily. James and Peter were fumbling around like blind mice.

Sirius met his eyes, and they both grinned.

“Well, men, let’s stop lollygagging like a bunch of birds! Are we gonna follow that passage or what?” James whisper-yelled, half-stuffing his invisibility cloak into his pocket. 

The hump slid closed with a soft scraping noise, and the boys were plunged into darkness before James had the bright idea of casting a _Lumos_ charm. Sirius, Remus, and Peter quickly followed. 

“Let’s race,” James grinned, and Sirius was already running, his shoes slapping loudly against the slightly damp cobblestones. “Oi! No fair!” James yelled, chasing after him.

Peter followed suit instantly, and Remus cursed his lycanthropy for making him tired before running after them.

* * *

It became harder to run after a while, and Remus pieced together that this was not only due to the endurance of the run, but the gradual uphill slope of the passageway. The four boys had resorted to walking, their shoes scuffing against the stone.

“We’d better be almost there,” Peter complained before Remus could say anything. 

“C’mon, lads, I’m sure we’re not too far,” James said. Remus could tell that he had tried to sound encouraging, but the excessive panting and grim smile did not do anything to convince him. Sirius was no better-- he had been clutching the walls and dragging himself along for the past twenty minutes.

“Maybe we should turn back,” Remus said, eyeing Sirius’ tired form. 

“No! We’ve got to power through,” James said adamantly, and Peter nodded. 

“Yeah, I’ve got tons of energy,” Sirius added, and Remus mused that he sounded like the whine of a sleepy dog. 

“Alright, then,” Remus sighed, closing his eyes for a minute to just _breathe_ , when he felt as though his sweater was warmer than before. He opened his eyes, his brow furrowed, and gasped in excitement at the sight before him. “There’s a light! We’re almost there!” he exclaimed, pointing at it.

His friends squinted to where he was pointing, and then looked back at him confusedly. “Erm. Remus, we don’t see anything--”

“I have freakishly good eyesight,” he interjected, feeling a burst of adrenaline rush through him. He grabbed Peter’s hand, tugging him along. He reached for Sirius,’ and stopped halfway, biting his lip. 

A warm, slim hand gripped his, and Remus smiled, pointedly not looking at his friend. 

James, evidently, was too excited to walk at a normal pace, so as Remus helped Sirius and Pete regain their breaths, James dashed ahead to scope out their find. A minute or so passed with the trio trudging along before a heavily panting James reached them again. 

“You’re so close-- there’s a staircase, winding up, just here-- see? Yeah-- I wonder what’s up there,” he gasped excitedly. 

“Ready?” Remus asked Sirius and Peter, who had succeeded in breathing without gasping for a few minutes now. They both nodded, and the four Gryffindor boys made their way up, up, up, up…

Until James stopped with a loud shout of pain. “There’s-- some sort of trapdoor here--” he grunted, rubbing his head before straining at the spot that he had hit his head on. Remus reached up to help him, and the two of them pushed the door up, sliding it to the side.

Four heads peeked out into the well-lit cellar, and the dust settled.

“ _Woah_.”

* * *

After an hour of chatting with Edward and Alice and celebrating the win with the rest of the Gryffindors, the girls decided they would have more fun partying in their dorm. Mary had a record player, and Lily had _Rubber Soul_ , and Dorcas and Marlene had ears that were virginal to the likes of the Beatles and other Muggle bands. 

The four girls tossed a package of crisps and various sweets that they had “borrowed” from downstairs onto Marlene’s bed, kicking off their shoes as Mary set up the album.

Marlene, noticing Mary’s apprehension to turn up the volume, launched across the room and poked her shoulder with her fingers until she giggled and turned it up enough.

No sooner had the guitar riff started that Lily, of all people, grabbed her hairbrush and began to sing into it. 

“YES LILS!” Marlene shrieked, swinging Mary around the room in a complicated dance. Dorcas was pretending to play the guitar, laughing, and Marlene thought that was a lovely sound; Lily resembled what Marlene had been told was a rock star, and everything was absolutely perfect.

Lily grabbed her and Dorcas’ hands while she and Mary sang the next song, and the four of them dramatically slow-danced around the room, laughing every time they stepped on each others’ feet. 

Marlene took the stage next, shimmying her shoulders back and forth with a half-singing, half-laughing Lily before throwing one of Dorcas’ cloaks around her shoulders and strutting around the room. 

“If all we had to do to get you to take your hair down was play The Beatles, we should’ve done this awhile ago!” Marlene laughed after she flopped onto Lily’s bed, regaining her breath from the dancing.

Lily laughed, joining her with a grin. “They’re the key to my heart, Marlene. Along with cats, magic, and classic literature, of course.”

“We’ll keep that in mind, then,” Marlene grinned, motioning for Lily to turn so she could fix her hair. She grinned, and let Marlene’s soft hands deftly wind her red locks into a pretty braid. 

Mary sang the next song, “Nowhere Man,” by herself, with a soft and clear voice that Marlene thought sounded like the heavens had opened. Marlene tried not to listen to the lyrics too much, but it was near impossible. She finished Lily’s braid, tying it off with an elastic band. The three girls who had been listening clapped and cheered for Mary, and then an upbeat song that Lily told her was called “Think For Yourself” started. 

“This one’s mine,” Marlene declared dramatically, amid laughter from her friends. She began dancing, and Dorcas laughed.

“Marlene--”

“It’s an _interpretive dance_ , Dorcas!” Marlene shouted, grinning all the while. 

Lily and Mary sang the song, Dorcas nodding her head along.

> _Do what you want to do  
>  And go where you're going to   
> Think for yourself   
> 'Cause I won't be there with you_

Marlene faltered.

And apparently it was evident, because even as she tried valiantly to forget about her mother and her drink and her siblings at home, rallying against each other instead of with each other, and her father leaving, always leaving, and _James_ leaving, she could not; Lily and Mary and Dorcas stared at her with open mouths and drawn eyebrows.

“I-- I’ll be right back,” she smiled hastily, dashing from the room before anyone could object. 

“...give her a minute,” she heard someone say softly as she shut the door behind her.

She thundered down the steps of Gryffindor Tower, her eyes stinging, pushing past the couple in the stairwell before turning sharply at the bottom of the stairs and climbing up the boys’ staircase instead. She was glad that the stairs hadn’t turned into a slide-- maybe Hogwarts had recognized her need to find someone: James, or Sam, or _Ty_ , even, anyone that understood-- and had let her come up.

She burst into James’ dormitory, tears already flowing down her cheeks and his name on her lips. 

But he was not there. No one was. 

“ _J-James_ ,” she gasped, biting her lip to keep from making too much noise as she cried. She crossed the piles of dirty laundry and parchment strewn on the floor, instinctively finding the bed that she knew was his. 

She stood over it, debating what to do-- to sit there waiting, or lie there and cry, or to punch his pillow, or write him a note, or _something_ \--

Marlene turned her heel and left.

* * *

A sharp knocking broke Ty out of his slightly inebriated reverie. He glanced over to Frank, who was already passed out on his bed, and sighed. “Coming,” he half-shouted, rolling out of his bed and shuffling over to the door. He wrenched it open, half-expecting to see a stern McGonagall come to reprimand him about his consumption of slightly stale butterbeer.

The sight that greeted him was much more frightening. Marlene stood there, her lower lip between her teeth and salty tear marks on her cheeks. 

“Ty?” she asked, her voice cracking, and before he could even think about what he was doing, he rushed forward and wrapped her in a tight hug. 

Her small arms squeezed his middle tightly, and he patted her hair comfortingly. “Marlene, what’s wrong?” he asked quietly, and she furrowed her face into his chest as a response. “It’s alright,” he said, letting her cry onto his sweater. “Is it about your mum?”

Marlene shook her head immediately, before pausing and then nodding slowly. She drew back from Ty hesitantly, relaxing a bit when he wiped the tears from her cheeks. “And my da- er, father, and--” _and James_ , she didn’t say. “Yeah. And my siblings, especially Sam,” she said, glancing over to the rest of the room as if to see if he was there.

Ty followed her gaze, then shook his head. “He’s still in the hospital wing. Just for the night, though. You want to go visit him with me?”

Marlene nodded, and Ty felt a surge of protectiveness overcome him. He grasped her smaller hand in his with a kind smile. 

“Y’know, you’re practically my little sister, Marlene,” Ty said seriously.

Marlene’s eyes widened a bit. “Really?”

Ty laughed. “Well, yeah. What, you don’t think of me as a brother?”

Marlene looked down, a bit bashful. “Of course I do, Ty. I just… didn’t think you thought of me as your sister, is all.”

Ty ruffled her hair. “You’re a bit dense sometimes, Marlene,” he laughed kindly, and he was pleased to hear her snort of laughter. 

“Look who’s talking.”

They made their way out of Gryffindor Tower, Ty grasping Marlene’s hand tightly as they moved through the still partying crowd. He looked around the portrait hole quickly, before exiting with her and sneaking through the castle with her, keeping to the shadows. All throughout the journey, Marlene looked troubled, as if sneaking around reminded her of something, and kept glancing around forlornly. Once she even whipped around as though something had brushed her shoulder.

Ty squeezed her hand a few times until she squeezed back. He took this as a victory. 

They were almost to the Infirmary when Marlene started speaking.

“I… I know Sam’s probably told you about… home, I guess. And our father, and Mum,” she said, looking up at him defeatedly, as if she already knew the answer.

Ty _had_ been confided in about Sam’s worries for his siblings at home, about his father’s constant coming and going, his mum’s drinking. “Yeah, he has,” he said carefully.

Marlene let out a sigh. “I’m… I’m nervous to see Da-- I mean, I’m nervous to see our father over the hols. I wouldn’t even _want_ to go back if it weren’t for the kids,” she began, and Ty felt a weird little jolt at hearing Marlene, who had been the subject of Sam’s inner concerns for years, describe her other siblings as kids. “And I just wish Mum would stop drinking, y’know? It’s… it’s horrible, all it does is cause mistakes and messes to clean up,” she said, leaning into him.

Ty swallowed past the guilt in his throat that came with him previously downing half a bottle of butterbeer earlier in the evening.

“You don’t deserve that, Marlene, and neither do your siblings,” he said, squeezing her hand again. She brushed her free hand over her eyes, sniffling. “You deserve a happy home,” he began. 

“But we _are_ happy, Ty,” she protested, adamant to somehow defend her family, “even though we fight, we-- we _love_ each other, I… we’re happy,” she said, her eyebrows drawn together in determination and something else. She was lying to herself. “It’s not like they hit us or anything,” she said, and Ty’s heart clenched.

“Marlene, they don’t have to hit you for them to still be… neglectful, or hurtful,” he said gently, and she bit her lip before nodding, her brows still furrowed. 

“I--”

“It’s okay if you don’t understand,” he continued, “but know that it’s not right, okay?”

When she nodded this time and squeezed his hand, Ty could tell she was trying hard to understand. That was good enough for him. He glanced around, unlocking the door to the Infirmary and pushing open the doors. Marlene followed him, shutting the doors quickly behind him. 

Marlene’s hand clenched around his painfully and she gasped when she spotted Sam’s prone form on a bed. She hesitantly walked over to his side, letting go of Ty’s hand. He followed her at a slight distance, giving her space.

“Hey, Sam,” he could hear her whisper, staring at his sleeping form. “I just wanted to… make sure you were okay,” she said quietly, and as she leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead, Ty looked away respectfully. After a few moments, he looked back, and Marlene was smoothing his blankets out. “Are you gonna say hello?” Marlene asked Ty, stepping back a bit. 

Ty nodded, smiling gratefully at her. He watched his soulmate’s still eyelids, his soft smile, his slightly mussed hair. He carefully cradled his cheek with his hand, pressing a kiss to his cheek lightly. “ _Dormi bene, amore mio,_ ” he whispered. 

He stepped back, clearing his throat so Marlene wouldn’t focus on the blush on his cheeks. “Right, then. Ready to go?”

She nodded, hugging him tightly. “Thank you, Ty,” she said, and he squeezed her back. 

“Of course, Marlene.”

* * *

James and his friends had entered their dorm room, arms laden with pilfered sweets from Honeydukes, and had been instantly attacked. 

“How _dare_ you! You have no idea what you’ve done, do you?” Lily yelled, jabbing her finger into James’ chest. He held his hands up in defense, dropping the candy he was holding, looking to Sirius for help. This obviously didn’t work, because he was being glared at by a ferocious Dorcas. Mary stood next to her, her arms crossed defiantly and a steely, terrifying stare in her eyes. 

“What are you even accusing us of?” 

“Not ‘us,’ Potter, _you_ ,” Lily spat, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. “You’re to blame!”

“For _what_ ,” James repeated again, and before Lily could speak, Mary, of all people, had stepped forward, her blue eyes cold and threatening. James stepped back. 

“For hurting Marlene,” she said icily, and James flinched. 

“I--”

“ _What?_ ” Sirius said, stepping forward and in front of James. Protecting him. “James would _never_ hurt Marlene. You’ve got the wrong idea,” he stated adamantly.

Lily faltered for a moment, but before she could steel her expression again, James spoke up.

“She… she saw me leave, didn’t she,” he said firmly, his jaw clenching. 

“But we saw her in the hallway, with Ty-- we thought she was fine,” Sirius protested, nudging Peter and Remus for confirmation. They both nodded, Remus less enthusiastically than Peter. 

“She clearly _wasn’t_ ,” Lily snapped, and Dorcas placed a hand on her shoulder silently. Lily turned to her friend, letting out an angry breath but calming down a bit. “Look. We all just want what’s best for her, alright?”

“Then I suggest you tell her that,” a new voice said lightly, and the seven Gryffindors jumped, turning to the door. Tiberius McLaggen was leaning against the door frame, his eyes harsh despite the lightness of his tone. He walked into the room, the younger Gryffindors stepping aside a bit. “She’s probably wondering where you are. So I suggest you clean up your excuses and go talk to her. And if you hurt her again, I’ll make you regret it.” His eyes alighted on James, who he had often seen with Marlene at her house, and stared him down. “Especially you, James.” With that, Ty left their room as quietly as he came. 

An embarrassed silence overtook the first years, and Lily glared at James before striding out of the room to help her friend, Mary and Dorcas close behind.

As soon as they were gone, James brought his head to his hands. “I’m so stupid,” he whispered, and if he hadn’t been raised by Euphemia and Fleamont Potter, he would have whirled on his friends and told them that it was their fault, that they should have never dragged him along. 

But he knew that wasn’t true. He knew Marlene had been hurting, and he had gone and left her alone in favor of some sweets. 

_I’m a bad friend_ , he thought suddenly, and he took a shaky breath before turning to get ready for bed. 

Remus, Sirius, and Peter, who had been quiet the whole time, exchanged looks. “Erm… you gonna go see her, mate?” Peter asked quietly, and James turned, a tired, blank look on his face.

“I think I ought to give her space, don't you think?”

* * *

Marlene had finished washing her face and changing into her pyjamas when her dormmates burst into her room. 

“Marlene, we’re so sorry,” Lily wailed, and the three of them flung themselves into her arms. She let out a surprised sort of laugh, hugging them back tightly.

“What for?”

“We weren’t there when you needed us,” Lily said bashfully, pulling back, and Marlene’s eyes widened before she shook her head.

“What? No, no. You--” she laughed. “You are all too sweet. Honestly, you’ve… made my night brighter.” She held them close to her, sighing. “I’m just glad I’ve met you all.”

“You’re stuck with us,” Dorcas smiled, her hand warm on Marlene’s shoulder.

“No witch left behind,” Mary said in her soft fierceness, and the four girls smiled.

“What say we finish that sing-along, then?”

* * *

Marlene fell asleep on the floor with her friends, “In My Life” humming in her head. She felt content, as if the four of them were all there to help pick up the pieces of mistakes in their lives.

> _Though I know I'll never lose affection  
>  For people and things that went before  
> I know I'll often stop and think about them  
> In my life I love you more_
> 
> _In my life I love you more  
> _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry, this is just a bump in the road for the friendship of james and marlene!
> 
> i listened to rubber soul as i wrote some of this :) it's a wonderful album!! it's been fun researching which albums are around at the time of this fic lol
> 
> im hc the mclaggens as italiannnnn (ty says: sleep well, my love)


	27. to fall, deeper and deeper, until you wake up and decide you can’t take it anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> marlene & james deal with the aftermath. regulus searches for a solution. sirius and remus have a bonding moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: manipulation by a parent

James was overly energetic over the course of the next few weeks, throwing himself into his schoolwork, prank planning, and exploring the castle. Sirius, Remus, and Peter often exchanged worried glances behind his back.

Marlene’s anger had been melted down and cooled inside her heart, joining the other disappointments she had gone through in life. Lily, Mary, and Dorcas flanked her at all times, not letting anyone else near her. 

Ty had taken to writing little notes to Marlene and leaving them on her door for her to find at the end of the day. He glared at James whenever he passed him in the halls.

As much as they insisted they weren’t, the two friends were lonely. They missed each other tremendously, and it showed in the slight hesitancy of where to sit in class, hurried eating of breakfast, and lack of laughter around them. 

They had reached their second week of anxiously not speaking to each other when Sam pulled them aside after their Transfiguration class and shoved the three of them in a spare broom cupboard. 

“What is _wrong_ with the two of you? Out with it. I don’t think I’ve encountered this much awkwardness since I caught Pomfrey making eyes at McGonagall in second year.”

Marlene barely had time to process this information before James hung his head.

“You must hate me.”

“No,” Sam said. Marlene glared at her brother silently, as if this was a betrayal of some kind.

Sam sighed. “Look. I’ve known you since we were kids, James. And I know you would never hurt Marlene on purpose. So tell me. Why?”

Marlene bit her lip, looking at James with wet eyes. James averted his gaze and sighed. “I… wanted to check something out, I guess. I was being selfish.”

Marlene’s gaze hardened, and she crossed her arms indignantly. “And you didn’t think to include me? You just had to go strutting around with your roommates, didn’t you? You didn’t think I would enjoy whatever it was too?”

James clenched his fists. “Of course I did, Marls! But everything doesn’t have to always be you and me, all the time! I mean, it’s-- we haven’t been apart since we were newborns! Doesn’t that make you… I dunno, want to… branch out, or something? Meet new people?” he shouted, tears pricking his eyes.

“Oh, fuck,” Sam whispered, drawing in a sharp breath.

“So I’m not enough.” Marlene sounded like a knight that had lost its steed, its sword, its armour, its purpose.

“No-- Marls, that’s not what I meant--” James began, reaching for her hand. She slapped it away. 

“Don’t.”

Sam gripped James’ forearm harshly, warning him to stay where he was. 

“And for the record,” Marlene said, turning to open the door, “I’m disappointed that you valued your sneaking around more than checking to see if Sam was okay. If _I_ was okay. Guess I’ll go ‘branch out’ and hang out with my _new_ best friends.” With that, Marlene left, and James and Sam were left in the relative darkness of the broom closet, Sam’s hand tight on James’ arm.

“What, you’re gonna hit me? Do it,” James said, his voice wobbling.

Sam sighed and let go of his arm. “Of course not, Jamie. But come on, man. I know it’s hurting you both. You wanna talk? Tell me what’s going on in that thick skull of yours?” he rapped his knuckles lightly on James’ forehead.

James sighed, rubbing his head and sitting down on a rickety stool. “I… I love Marls, of course I do. I just… wanted to have something that didn’t involve her all the time. Is that so terrible?”

Sam frowned a bit, leaning against the closet wall. “I mean… it’s not bad, I guess. It’s fine for you to want individuality. I mean, I’m closer to the Bones’ than Ty is, for example, and Emma’s got a whole host of Ravenclaw and Slytherin friends that I know next to nothing about. I mean, I know Marlene isn’t your soulmate like Ty and Emma are mine, but-”

James’ mouth practically dropped to the floor. “Wait-- you have two soulmates?”

Sam quirked an eyebrow uncomfortably. “Er… yeah? What, did you not pay attention to Higgs’ commentary at the match?” After a moment, he said somewhat challengingly, “got a problem with it?”

James’ face flushed red in embarrassment. “No! No, not at all…” He decided not to ask Sam about his soulmates just yet. “Er… you were saying? About individuality?”

Sam looked at him oddly. “....right. I mean, I’ll talk to Marly about it too. But she’s more upset that you didn’t check on me, I guess.” Sam laughed then. “I’m not even upset about that! But she is, because… she cares for me, and I guess you not checking in on me was dissing her feelings.”

“I didn’t mean to,” James protested, and Sam nodded.

“I know. I just… give it some time, alright? I’ll try to talk to her.”

James nodded, then bit his lip and looked up at Sam with wet eyes. “D’you think… what if we aren’t friends anymore?”

Sam chuckled. “Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.” he let out a sigh of laughter. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen friends as close as you two. Your friendship isn’t over, trust me. It’s like… one of those friendships that lasts even in death.”

James let out a reassured sigh and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Thanks, Sam.”

“‘Course,” Sam said with a gentle smile. “C’mon, it’s a bit stuffy in here.”

James laughed, and nodded, and the two of them tumbled unceremoniously out of the closet and into the soft light of the Hogwarts hallway.

* * *

Regulus had been acting like the perfect son since his breakdown about his soulmate. He attended all three mealtimes, sat up straight, did not speak unless he was spoken to, and read books on the Dark Arts instead of writing in his journal.

His mother and father were pleased.

He decided one morning that this was as good of a mood as he was going to draw out from them. “Mother?” he asked tentatively, hiding his grimace when she began to snap at him for speaking shyly.

“Mother,” he said instead, his eyes shining proudly when she granted him a tight-lipped smile. He inhaled. His ribcage felt small, his heart vibrating so quickly inside that it stood still. Every fiber of his being was screaming at him _wrong wrong wrong STOP IT-_ He exhaled. “Would you be able to get rid of my soulmate?”

There was a cruel and jarring silence before his mother smiled, her pearly teeth almost kind under the light. Almost. 

“Oh, my darling Regulus!” she exclaimed happily, reaching up to caress his cheek. Regulus had to clench his hands tightly to keep himself from flinching away. “I am so proud of you, my son.” And something shifted; Regulus’ eyes were lighter, and he felt a bit freer, and maybe he would keep feeling that way if he continued on ignoring the festering field of Non-House-of-Black(ness) in his gut telling him to run, run, run away and never come back. 

“Thank you, Mother,” he said, his smile crinkling the corners of his eyes. “You are able to… get rid of my soulmate, correct?”

Walburga’s mouth twisted unpleasantly, her cold hand moving from his cheek to rest on his shoulder heavily. “Unfortunately I do not possess… the power required. Your father and I have been trying for a long time to cut away that horrid bond. But magic does not like to be pruned.” She gripped his shoulder, her sharp nails poking into his skin uncomfortably. “There is another way, my darling son.”

“What is it?” Regulus asked breathlessly, hanging on to her every word.

She smiled again, releasing his shoulder and reaching for her wand. “To forget,” she said simply, and his eyes widened minutely in slight horror before she pointed her wand at him.

“Wait, Mother, I-- I changed my mind, I don’t want to forget h-”

“ _Legilimens_ ,” Walburga said sharply, and Regulus felt an odd sort of rushing feeling as they locked eyes.

He didn’t know what his mother was doing, but he thought desperately to _not think about soulmates just don’t_ do _it, Regulus-_ and he distinctly felt that she could sense his thoughts. 

He couldn’t back away. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe, and his ribcage constricted in a dance, as if to playfully say, _ha, ha, ha! I won!_

“ _Obliviate_ ,” Walburga shrieked after a minute, her face contorted in fury.

A hazy cloud shot out from her wand and enveloped his mind in whiteness.

* * *

“Mother? Did I do something wrong? Are… are you upset with me?”

His mother stepped forward and caressed his cheek, smiling. Regulus felt himself smile back. “Oh, my son! I am not upset with you! Now, come, it is time to study your Dark Arts.”

“Yes, Mother,” Regulus said politely, and he followed her upstairs to the library.

* * *

Sirius stared at the ceiling above his four-poster, waiting for James to come back from wherever he had gone after Transfiguration. He had no idea where Peter was, and Remus was probably off studying with Lily somewhere. He still couldn’t fathom how the two of them became friends, or how anyone could deal with Lily’s constant mood swings and general scariness. More than that, he couldn’t believe that Lily and James were _soulmates_. It still sounded surreal whenever he thought about it (which he tried to do as little as possible). There was always the possibility that James was wrong, but if Sirius knew anything about his best friend, it was that he hated thinking he was wrong about something. 

The door creaked open, and Sirius shot up, a grin on his face. It fell slightly when a tired-looking Remus trudged inside. “What’s wrong?” Sirius asked, his eyes following Remus around the room.

Remus dragged a hand down his face. “Just need to relax,” he said, more to himself than Sirius. He yawned and made his way over to his own bed. Remus placed his bag gently down by the foot of his four-poster, not even bothering to take off his worn shoes or get under the covers before climbing onto his bed and letting out a sigh, reaching for a book on his nightstand. Sirius got up and padded over to his bed, leaning over him with a small grin.

Remus, who had opened his book to a dog-eared page, looked up at him with a glare. “What is it?” he sighed. 

Sirius raised his eyebrows, a devious smirk on his face. “What, can’t I be friends with my roomie?” Remus rolled his eyes, but the hint of a smile was evident in the way he had to avert his gaze. “What’cha reading?” 

Remus looked a bit surprised by the question, but he smiled slightly and held up the cover of the book to show Sirius.

“ _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_ ,” Sirius read, craning his neck so he could read the cover. He frowned. “What’s that about?”

Remus smiled, moving over so Sirius could join him. Sirius sat down on his bed hesitantly. “It might just be one of my favorite books. It’s about this poor boy named Charlie and this eccentric sort of factory owner. The factory is… magical, almost. I think my Da told me once that the author might have had some experience with a wizard and that’s why it’s so inventive.” 

Sirius hung onto his every word. “What sort of magic is in it?” 

Remus grinned, and Sirius mused that when he spoke about this book, it looked as though he was far away, somewhere better. “Well, there’s Levitation potions and things, and Transfigurations, and the candy is sort of like what Frank has been telling us about Honeydukes,” he said, and Sirius nodded. 

“Sounds incredible,” he said, his smile fading a bit. Remus noticed, because he locked eyes with him and smiled softly.

“Want to read it? I’ve read it loads of times already.” He held out the slightly tattered book to Sirius. It was a peace offering. Sirius looked at his outstretched, scarred hand, then up at Remus’ kind and calculating brown eyes. 

He took the book, holding it carefully in his hands as though it would dissolve if he gripped it too tightly.

“Thanks,” he said, smiling at Remus and clambering off of his bed, heading to his own to read it. He was so engrossed in the story of Charlie and his search for a Golden Ticket that he didn’t notice Remus’ happy smile as he watched him read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed this chapter!! <3


	28. teatime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> various conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: mentions of alcoholism, neglect, abandonment, offhand comments about child abuse

“Now, Regulus, you _do_ understand why it is so wrong for poor Andromeda to be with that lowlife, correct?”

Regulus nodded immediately. “Because he is a Mudblood,” he said confidently.

“Correct, my son.” Walburga smiled tightly at Regulus, and he beamed. “And what happens to children who misbehave?”

“They get punished,” Regulus answered obediently, his hands straight at his sides. 

“Very well, off you go now.” Walburga nodded to him, signalling that he could leave the library. 

As soon as the door closed, Druella let out a happy sigh, clapping her hands together politely. “Oh, Walburga! I simply _love_ what you’ve done with the boy. He is truly a prime example of what a Black son should be!”

Walburga sniffed proudly, taking a seat in a heavy leather armchair. Druella followed suit, crossing her ankles together daintily. 

“I extend my gratitude to you, Druella. Now, tell me. Have you had any luck with your project? How is Cygnus coming along with it? He had always been rather dreadful at Charms, I must say,” Walburga said, lifting an eyebrow.

Druella laughed much too loudly. “He is rather fine on his own, thank you,” she clipped, folding her hands primly on her lap. After a moment, where Walburga raised an eyebrow at her, Druella let out a small sigh. “Though, I will admit, it has gone… substantially better since your help.”

Walburga’s mouth twisted upwards in a haughty smirk. 

“That confused girl will see straight after the summer,” Walburga said, snapping her fingers for Kreacher to bring her and Druella tea.

After the house-elf left with a crack, the two women sipped their tea before setting it down on a china saucer. 

“She best see clearly. I will not have another scandal in the family. I do not believe I could bear it if my own _daughter_ follows through with this manic plan of hers.” 

Walburga nodded her agreement. She had not been able to bear the last family disappointment. “I share the same sentiments, Druella. With Sirius in Gryffindor now…” she said his name like it was a sewer rat.

Druella tsked her disappointment, sipping her tea. “Not to mention that whole fiasco during that foolish Mudblood holiday break.”

Walburga’s mouth turned unpleasantly. “Yes. Unfortunately, Lucretia has always been a bit of a… wild one. Since we were young, I have remembered her being a romantic.” 

Walburga and Druella shuddered. 

“Absolutely dreadful, that her and Ignatius’ niece would marry the son of a Muggle-loving fool. As far as I can remember from the balls when we were young, Cedrella was always a bit of a simpleton. At least Charis and Callidora turned out alright.”

“Oh, Cedrella was _more_ than a simpleton. She actually believed that Mudbloods should _marry_ Purebloods,” Walburga said, shaking her head in disgust. “Well. I suppose the Prewett girl and Weasley boy will be happy together. Blood traitors,” she spat.

“Good riddance,” Druella said, and they both drank their tea.

“Druella, please be so kind as to not tell Orion I spoke ill of his sister,” Walburga said a bit playfully, and Druella chuckled.

“I would not dream of it, Walburga.”

The two women finished their tea in silence. 

“Druella, thank you for stopping by,” Walburga said as they both rose.

“It was my pleasure, Walburga.”

“I will escort you out.”

The two women nodded to each other, exiting the library and its walls and Dark Artefacts that seemed to inhale a person in like the dark caverns of a whale’s stomach. Walburga was rather fond of that library.

“Kreacher!” Walburga shouted as soon as they were out of its swirling depths. The house-elf appeared with a crack. 

“You called for me, Mistress Black?” 

“See to it that Master Regulus is attending his studies.”

“Yes, Mistress Black.” Kreacher bowed deeply to his master and her guest before Disapparating.

Druella raised her eyebrows in amusement as they descended the stairs. “I keep telling Cygnus that we need a new house-elf. How did you get yours to be so obedient?”

Walburga smiled. “Discipline, Druella dear.”

“Well then, ours has not been beaten down nearly enough,” Druella laughed. “Take care, Walburga.”

“The same to you, Druella. Give my best to Bellatrix and Cygnus.”

* * *

Andromeda was having a lazy day. The weather was too perfect to ignore: a soft breeze on the grounds, just chilly enough to need a jumper and to need someone to cuddle with on the grass. She reclined by the Great Lake, her back against an old tree that had countless initials and hearts carved into it. She watched Ted run around picking wildflowers, laughing a bit when he stumbled on a rock. 

“Dromeda! Look what I found!” he yelled, and she held a hand up to her forehead to squint into where he stood in the sun. 

“I can’t see it!”

“Then get over here!” he yelled happily, and she let out an affectionate sigh before standing up and jogging over.

“What did you find?” she asked, looking around him in confusion.

Ted grinned, a smile that accentuated and brightened all of his already lovely features. He reached toward her slowly, picking a stray piece of grass out of her hair before replacing it with a flower. Andromeda followed his eyes with hers, and kept them open when his hand trailed down her hair to gently stroke the curve of her cheek. Andromeda blushed.

“I found _you_ ,” he whispered, and leaned in to kiss her sweetly. 

Andromeda found herself gripping the lapels of his jacket, tugging the tall man close to her. She inhaled sharply when his second hand came up to caress her face, effectively trapping her in a soft embrace. Each moment with Ted caused her to feel wholly content and loved, and this was no exception.

After a little while, she pulled away, and their eye contact, heavy-lidded with lust and love, was enough to cause Andromeda to blush like a smitten fourth-year all over again. 

“Want to relax by the tree? Or… something a bit more… strenuous?” she teased, smoothing his collar and lapels out before trailing her hands down his chest, stopping to rest them where she knew he liked. Judging by his red cheeks and biting of his lip, she was correct in her assessment. 

“My dormmates are in the library today,” Ted suggested, stroking her cheek with one hand while the other trailed downwards, lightly brushing against her neck and collarbone. Andromeda’s breath hitched. 

“Let’s go, then,” she breathed, and Ted leaned forward to kiss her deeply, biting her lip as he drew away. 

The two soulmates walked hand-in-hand back to Ravenclaw Tower, ready to join in the familiar and heated dance of love. 

All the while, the lovers thought of the fact that after the school year ended, they would be able to do this and so much more every day and night, professing their love to each other freely, without anyone to tell them it wasn’t so.

* * *

“Marly, just _listen_ , please. C’mon, I’m your brother,” Sam pleaded, and Marlene huffed and turned around, her arms laden with books. 

“What,” she said, glaring at him. 

“C’mon, you’re done with classes for today. I checked. Don’t go looking at me like that,” he chastised his younger sister, crossing his arms.

“Fine. But make it quick.”

“Can we sit, at least?”

Marlene glared at him, but dropped her books loudly on a side table and sat on one of the Gryffindor common room couches, crossing her arms angrily. Sam sat next to her, much to her obvious distaste.

“Marlene. It’s not a crime to have other friends, y’know?”

“I’m leaving,” she said shortly, standing up. Sam’s hand shot out and gripped her wrist, looking at her with pleading eyes. “Fine.” She sat back down.

“I’m sure you have friends that James doesn’t. I’ve seen you hang out with those Ravenclaw girls before,” Sam pointed out, and Marlene scowled.

“Yeah, but… that’s different.” At his imploring look, she said, “It’s different, Sam. James is like… he’s always _been_ there, okay?” Marlene said, biting her lip. She tried valiantly not to cry. 

“I know, Marly,” he said gently.

“I don’t want someone else to go away,” she whispered, and clenched her fists together tightly. Marlene looked so devastated, so confused and broken that Sam felt it too. He placed his hands on hers, rubbing circles on them with his thumbs. Silent tears slipped out of her eyes. Sam was glad that they were alone in a secluded area in the common room, because if he knew anything about his sister, it was that she absolutely detested crying in front of people that she didn’t love and trust.

“He’s not going to go away, Marly. He’s _James_. Sure, he messed up maybe, but he’s allowed to spend time with other people. He’s been moping around as much as you have these past few weeks. Trust me,” Sam said, not unkindly. 

“I do,” she said, her voice cracking, “and… I know, I guess, that his heart was in the right place.” Sam’s eyebrows drew together. 

“This is about Dad, isn’t it.”

Marlene’s sad expression turned to fury and she wrenched her hands out of his so quickly that Sam barely had time to register it. “Of fucking _course_ it is! He’s not even… he’s not even fit to call a dad, let alone a father! I can’t believe you, Sam,” she raged, tears still dropping from her eyelashes. 

Sam didn’t have the heart to tell her off for swearing. 

“Marly, I’m not excusing his behavior,” he said intensely, gripping her hands again. “I _hate_ him,” he said, and Marlene’s eyes widened in shock. Her tears stopped.

“What?”

“I hate him,” Sam repeated, “I hate how he leaves whenever he wants, blames it on work, and then thinks it’s alright to just turn up whenever he feels like having another kid. I hate how he makes Mum sad enough to drink and I hate how the kids actually think he fucking cares about them. I hate how Roger is already too angry for his age. I hate how Annie’s the one in charge now, and how in the fall Henry’ll be. I absolutely hated leaving you all when I first left for Hogwarts. I hate that I’m not there to help. I hate _all_ of it,” he said, and felt the hot wetness of tears pricking at his eyes. He wiped the back of his hand across his eyes with a sniff.

“I… I hate him too,” Marlene said quietly, and she hugged him.

It was an odd sort of comfort that the two siblings shared, because for so long, Sam had been trying to shield Marlene and the other kids on everything that was going on. And now they were equals. 

“I hate that I still love him,” Sam whispered, and Marlene nodded. 

“Me too.”

They squeezed each other tightly, not letting go until their tears dried.

“You should talk to James,” Sam said after a while, his eyes still red.

“Yeah. Make sure it doesn’t go all balls-up this time,” Marlene let out a wet laugh, and Sam raised an eyebrow at her before smiling.

“That’s a good plan if I’ve ever heard of one, Marly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH HI i made a muggle au dorcas and marlene two-shot PLEASE check it out its called "they're in love, your honour" anyway i'd be ever so grateful xx enjoy ur last night of february


	29. scritch scratch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> regulus visits his aunt, and discovers soulmates again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all! school is royally KICKING MY ASS but i guess it's worth it (or something) anyway i asked this girl in my class out on a date and she said yes !!! yay !! she's super cute and aaagh i can't wait!! 
> 
> **cw: child abuse, imprisonment as punishment, mention of blood (this is sort of a heavy chapter so PLEASE step away if you need to), & some good old fashioned pureblood ideals**

Regulus couldn’t help but feel like something in his life was missing. Whenever he tried to think and focus on what wasn’t there, his mind felt as though it were enveloped in fog. It seemed so glaringly obvious, but whenever he tried to get a grasp on it, it went further away, like Tantalus and his nourishment. 

He was brought out of his haze by his mother, as usual. 

“Regulus, come along,” Walburga snapped, motioning that Regulus should hold out his arm for her to take. He did so. The two walked down the grand old steps of 12 Grimmauld Place, high collars and heavy hats shielding them from the vile outside world. It was true that it got a bit lonely in Grimmauld Place, but going from the sanctuary of home to a wide-open place that was festered with Mudbloods terrified Regulus. 

He shuddered.

Walburga fixed a severe eye on him. “Blacks are not afraid,” she stated. “We hold our heads up high, Regulus. Because we are _better_ than them. It is irrational to fear.”

Regulus watched his mother’s upturned nose and easy, commanding gait with curiosity. He mimicked it, turning his frightened shuffling into distinct steps; forcing his eyebrows to draw together and his chin to rise.

His mother looked over appraisingly at him, and nodded.

“Will we be Apparating soon, Mother?” Regulus asked demurely, and his mother glared at him before he repeated the question in a more commanding tone.

“Yes, my darling child. Remember our mission. Everything tainted goes in the box.”

“Yes, Mother.” 

Regulus was excited for the “mission” his mother had planned for them and Aunt Druella. He didn’t normally like spending time with his Aunt, because she was usually accompanied by his intimidatingly scary cousin Bellatrix. Thankfully, she was off shopping in Knockturn Alley with her father, so Regulus didn’t have to see either of them. His Uncle Cygnus never spoke and snapped at him when he did. He loomed in a sort of way that was reminiscent of his own father. Regulus didn’t like it. 

But he did like their mission. 

Mother had told him it was of the utmost importance that he not mention it to anyone else. “Andromeda has been a disgraceful girl,” she had said, “and she needs to face the consequences.” Regulus had nodded. He had been given the task of rummaging through his favorite cousin’s room, searching for “tainted things,” whatever those were, while his mother and aunt did the spellwork necessary. 

Regulus and his mother reached the small park at the end of their street, and Regulus shut his eyes tightly as the sickening swirl of Side-Along Apparition overtook him. He stumbled, the harsh grip of his mother’s hand on his arm grounding him to where they had arrived. 

“Come along,” she snapped, half-dragging his still-tired body towards his aunt’s house. 

Druella’s house-elf met them at the door, bowing so low that her ears lay flat on the floor. Regulus tried to not make visible his discomfort. “Welcome, Mistress Walburga and Master Regulus. Mistress Druella is waiting in the study, Mistress Walburga.” 

Walburga brushed past the elf in annoyance, her dark aura eagerly welcomed by the house. Regulus kept his eyes trained on his mother’s back, ignoring the house-elf as best as he could. 

“Go to your cousin Andromeda’s room, Regulus. Do not interrupt me and Druella under any circumstances. Is that clear?” 

Walburga’s black eyes bored into Regulus,’ her grip on his arm bruising. Regulus nodded, swallowing past the dryness in his throat. At her tightening grip, he winced and steeled his expression. “I- I mean. Yes, Mother. It is understood.”

She nodded approvingly, releasing her grip and turning her heel. “Very well. I trust you need no direction.”

“No, Mother. Thank you.”

Regulus climbed the many stairs to Andromeda’s fourth-floor bedroom, trying not to make eye contact with the many portraits of his ancestors who shook their heads at him disapprovingly. He passed by Bellatrix’s closed room, skirting quickly past the Dark energies emanating from it. 

At long last he reached his favorite cousin’s door. He opened it slowly, fighting the urge to squeeze his eyes shut, half-expecting some sort of horror to be unveiled to him. It was a lot brighter in Andromeda’s room than the rest of the house; Regulus had to half-squint and close the thick drapes on two of her three windows to get his eyes to stop hurting. His quickly-beating heart had finally calmed down. The room was still. Peaceful, almost. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine the sound of birds. Regulus thought he could get happily lost in Andromeda’s bookshelf for a week, at least. The charmed galaxy on her ceiling with its swirling stars and colors mesmerized him. The photos she had of her friends, himself, Sirius, that boy Ted-- the way they waved and spun around happily, as if this room were not surrounded by others filled to the brim with secrets and spilling over with Darkness. 

Regulus loved it.

He made his way halfway over to the bookshelf that took over one of her walls before stopping himself. “Now is not the time for reading, Regulus,” he said. His voice sounded oddly small in her large room, and he fought back his instinct to wrap his arms around himself. 

He straightened his spine and made his way over to Andromeda’s dresser drawer. He gulped down a sudden overwhelming feeling. One he could not name, but one that clawed and clung to his throat like a frightened bird in a pile of mud. _What if Andromeda hates me? What if she won’t forgive me? What if Sirius hates me?_

And then.

“You are a Black,” he said firmly, reaching for the knob of her dresser, “Act like it, Regulus.” He yanked the knob backwards with all his might, but instead of opening, it held firmly shut, and he went toppling backwards onto the rug. 

A small sound escaped his lips, and he frowned at the dresser. “Why won’t you open?” he mumbled, sitting up and dusting his trousers before gently tugging at the knob again. It remained closed, and he sighed, collapsing onto his cousin’s plush bed. He played with one of the pillows absentmindedly.

_Will Mother be upset that I can’t open the drawer? Will Sirius be disappointed that I tried in the first place? Will my soulmate--_

Regulus sat up, startled. “Will my _what?_ ” he whispered. But the word had gone as quickly as it had come to him. _Why can’t I remember?_

A sudden wave of anger surprised him and he threw the heavy pillow at the ground, where it landed with a loud _thunk._

“Now that’s interesting,” he said quietly, glancing around the quiet room once before sliding off of the bed and sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding the pillow. He felt along its edge for something, anything, and his finger poked through a small crevice. _Got you._

He felt along the crevice for a fold of some kind, and opened up the pillow to reveal a worn book. He marveled at it in his hands. It was a deep brown, with gold lettering on the front that was so peeled he could not even read it properly. Regulus ran a slim finger along the spine, smiling despite himself at the feel of it. He propped the book on his lap. It opened easily to a well-read page, with a word at the top. 

_Soulmates._

A sudden burst of pain tore through Regulus’ temples and he shrieked, shoving the book away and clutching at his head. Images flitted, unwarranted, through his brain. They seemed more like memories, though, memories he could not remember--

_Colors, swirling into brown. Mother’s face. Angry. Blood and tears, salty and hot and stinging and coppery. Bathtub. Sirius cleaning his face._

_Stars, and Andromeda’s room, and, “We’re making a game of it,” and Narcissa leaving, and--_

_ hello. _

_hi :)_

Regulus gasped, his nails digging into his scalp unwittingly. He felt like he was going to be sick. He could remember it all, now-- the fog had lifted, and-- 

“Oh Merlin,” his breath hitched, and Regulus covered his face with his hands. 

_Not-Rapunzel and boys and scratching at skin, blood and blood and blood and, “Mother can you get rid--”_

“How could I have been so stupid?” Regulus whispered, and without thinking, he launched forward at the door, grabbing the book in one hand and exiting the room with the other.

 _You should give this book to Mother_ , a voice that sounded a lot like his own told him, and he shook his head. “No,” he said firmly. 

He climbed the stairs two at a time, thankful that there were not any more portraits to taunt him as he ran. Instead there were faint scratches along the walls. He tried not to think about how they had gotten there. He didn’t know where he was going, only that he needed to be somewhere hidden in order to read the book, somewhere away from his mother and aunt. Somewhere… safe.

_Stop those delusional thoughts, Regulus. Of course you are safe with them. They are your family._

He stopped in front of an ornate gold door at the end of the staircase. At closer inspection it was scratched, marred. His heart beat loudly in his chest. It seemed as though it was the only sound in the house. He gulped. With a shaking hand, he reached for the door.

“This seems private enough,” he mumbled as he opened it. It didn’t creak. He stepped into the dark room, his breath shallow. 

At first Regulus thought he was alone. 

It was a bit hard to breathe in the room, and cold, and dark. Regulus shivered, clutching the book to his chest. He would have thought there would be a window of some sort, where he could sit in the sunlight and read his book. But it was completely black, with no window in sight. He stood still, letting his eyes adjust to the dim light for a few minutes.

Then he saw the closets.

There were three of them, in the center of the room, lined in a row. _They’re rather small_ , Regulus mused as he walked over to them hesitantly. _Too small for a wardrobe._ He stopped in front of the first one, placing the book on the ground before running his fingers across the scratched wood around the frame. There was a lock on the outside, old and rusted and cold. He pressed his fingers into the divots of the scratches experimentally, looking levelly at the top of the closet. 

_B.D.B._

Regulus’ eyebrows furrowed and he moved to the next one. 

“ _A.V.B._ ” he read aloud, reaching for the knob. He opened it. 

It was a normal closet at first glance, but upon further inspection, Regulus saw the lines. Some thick, some thin, all frantic-looking, overlapping each other. He pressed his fingernail into one that looked a bit crescent-shaped, his stomach dropping. They were nail marks. All of them. He dry-heaved into the corner, feeling as though he was hurtling, tumbling through a dirty river. He stumbled out of the closet, looking at the last one with a sinking feeling. He already knew what was coming.

_N.C.B._

His suspicions were true. They were initials. Initials of his cousins.

Bellatrix Druella Black. Andromeda Violetta Black. Narcissa Cassiopeia Black. 

_I’ve got to get out of here_ , he thought sickeningly, and retreated out of the room as quickly as he came. He was not safe. He never would be.

To his horror, his Aunt Druella met him on the stairs outside the door with a cruel frown. “Hello, my dear. Best to forget this room, agreed?”

Regulus nodded mutely, following her down the stairs.

Andromeda’s treasured book lay in the dust in front of the closets, forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gaah
> 
> do y'all have a favorite oc of mine?? like ? idk im obsessed with marlene and shes not an oc bc she is mentioned in the books like one (1) time but hhhhhh i fucking love her ok ???

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! check out my other works!  
> turn of events: jegulus muggle au oneshot  
> dog in distress: marauders fluff  
> they're in love, your honor: dorlene confession & domestic fluff  
> our boys: minerva x poppy & the marauders fluff !!  
> orange: oneshot, everyone gay, marauders & girls. crack fic lol  
> and if you're into avatar: the last airbender, check out my fic: Always Forever


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